


Welcome To Earth

by Trugemstory_SF



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Garnet Is Best Mom, Lapis Because Why Not, My First Work in This Fandom, Steven Universe Adopts Everyone, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why the hell not?, Yellow Diamond Is A Walking Mess, Yes I Changed My Mind
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-19 22:24:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 51,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5982757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trugemstory_SF/pseuds/Trugemstory_SF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Changed previous summary because it's not suitable anymore.)<br/>After an accident leaves Yellow Diamond on Earth, alone and cracked, she is captured by the Crystal Gems, but not everything is exactly what it seems. As secrets are revealed, lives are changed, all of the Earth gems must team together to face a threat that would send shivers down the bravest of spines.<br/>Will they succeed?<br/>Or will their stories be lost in the void of history?<br/>(Written before the In Too Deep special event.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hating And The Steven

Okay. Somebody bring me a time machine so I can go one day back, and slap myself in the face for being such a clodding fool. I made the worst mistake ever, went commando on my own, lost control and crashed on the very same planet I wanted to destroy. I am now at the mercy of three rebels. A pearl, a malfunctioned amethyst, a fusion I heard of from Blue Diamond's court, and I came across the Peridot who insulted me, and this hybrid thing just wants to make peace.

I. Hate. Him.

I hate him. I hate him so, so much. With a burning passion. The amount of revulsion I have towards Rose Quartz's offspring is uncountable. I despise him, his ideas, his "Crystal Gems", his stupid very existence! No, no no no no no. I hate him even more than I hate myself over that stupid screwup.

And, oh. My gem is cracked.

Yep. Cracked. As in "badly cracked." As in "partially dead." As in "crippled." The ship's volatile components must've been close to the fire that broke out and caused an explosion which resulted in a shockwave strong enough to cause this injury. That was the only event I remember before losing my consciousness, and presumably found by the disgusting things. That is also the only obstacle between me and the destruction of those brutes. I lost everything I ever was.

1\. I am incapable of summoning my weapon.

2\. I lost about 78% of my strength.

3\. I have become the height of a common pearl. *ugh*

4\. My hair just wouldn't leave my face.

This, added to the fact I was chained and stuck inside a human broken down vehicle, make this unarguably the worst situation I have ever been in. The human/Gem hybrid is one of the components of this disaster.

Speaking of him, he just entered the aforementioned vehicle. He had this determined look on his easily-squished face. He started to say something, but I cut him off. Whatever he had to say, it was unimportant.

"Let me out of here." I said, glaring at him. Of course, he had no way of knowing. My hair was shadowing most of my face, making me look similar to Blue Diamond. Screw this. Just for emphasis, I hissed at him, hoping he would be intimidated. And he wasn't. In fact, he seemed to be holding back laughter.

Screw him.

"I'm not going to let you out. You'll hurt us, and Peridot."

"Of course I will! She called me a..." I couldn't finish. I was never used to swearing, at least not out loud. I felt quite embarrassed that I have almost said it. The C-word (and yes I know humans use this reference for another word. But this here means clod.)

This seemed to go unnoticed by the human hybrid, who sighed. "I know you hate my mom for the war and all, but I can show you how great Earth could be. I showed Peridot that too. And you don't have to talk to her if you don't want to, I don't really know what clod means, but I think it could be a bad word though. Peridot's stopped saying it too recently. At least not too much. And then you could stop trying to hurt everyone. You know, I once heard that some people hurt others because they're hurting and they don't feel that anyone cares. I don't know if that's what you're going through, but it's okay. I'm not going to make you talk or anything, and the Gems aren't going to hurt you, I promise."

The crack in my gem must've widened, because I felt this scraping sensation in the back of my throat, and my vision started to blur. I had to turn around right then, the Steven can't possibly see this. But he did give me a friendly pat on my shoulder and left, closing the vehicle's door softly behind him. I started to cry like a lost, freshly mined kindergarten gem unwillingly witnessing a gruesome battle. The Steven's words hit home, and that was almost terrible. I could still hear them in the back of my mind.

_"Some people hurt others because they're hurting."_

Of course he was Rose's son. He was just like her, smart and caring and somehow, blunt. He just made me cry, me. The heartless leader of Homeworld. And I'm not sure if I can understand why he wants me to see what Earth really is, but I now want to. I will listen to what he has to say.

Maybe that would save me from more encounters like this.


	2. At Peace.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All that I need to say is Lapis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we separate from the main storyline to see where Lapis fits in here.

I felt Jasper breaking free, that's okay. I don't think I want to trap her anymore. I felt us separating and Malachite dissolving into seafoam. I could sense my form being ripped apart by the overwhelming pressure at the bottom of the ocean while the faint outline of Jasper's, dimly lit by whatever light that could reach this deep, swam rapidly to the surface. I had no time or power to adjust or struggle, and the world was slowly and silently growing dark. Nothing made sense anymore, I was Malachite, right? Jasper was my prisoner. Everything else never mattered, but why does it matter now? Why is my form aching for the surface? Why would I do anything to escape? Why am I so willing to give up everything I was supposed to be and choose to die instead?

_What is happening to me?_

Is it because I am Lapis? No matter how much I would try to negelate that fact, I'm still Lapis. Lapis, and not Malachite. Not Lapis and Jasper. Just Lapis. Just me. That's the problem. I'm all alone.

If only Blue Diamond was here. If only she could be here to tell me what to do... I would listen this time. I would be a loyal gem again. I would become somebody, I would deserve to be a Lapis, just like the others. I would go back to my old duty, taking care of the new kindergarten gems. Those poor creatures, so innocent and yet so guilty. Their mere lives are crimes in the eyes of those rebels. Sometimes we would've been lucky and we would have a new Lapis to join us. The new ones were difficult, insecure, fickle, but the result was worth all the effort. We were going to be able to be there for all the kindergarten gems and make sure they remain safe and sound. The gem colony was depending on us. We finally got the place we deserved. Everything was going so well.

That, until Rose Quartz and her rebels arrived.

Rose Quartz. She was Steven somehow, wasn't she? She was fighting against Jasper in the war, I could see her memories when we were fused. Steven was her, but he isn't her now. He is Steven. My friend, my only friend. He's the one who set me free when I thought no one would ever will. He cares about me. He is the reason I fused with Jasper. But now, I'm going to die here.  _All alone._ At the bottom of the ocean. Heh. This is like some story, isn't it? The story of how one Lapis destroyed the world and herself in the process. Maybe I should name it:  _The Story Of The Worst Lapis Ever._ A fitting name for such a tragic tale. Starting with the basic innocent gem and ending with the same chaotic person dying all alone, just like she had lived for thousands of years. Broken, sad and in the end there's this unexpected twist. Because she is finally at peace with herself and the universe. She finally feels happy because she knows that she has saved somebody she loves from an unspeakable fate, although she will meet the same fate in mere moments.

_Bittersweet, isn't it?_

I have no regrets. I no longer have any gems in this world who care. The rebels only cared because Jasper was fused with me, because their precious base was so threatened, but Steven thinks highly of them, I have no right to insult them. Jasper herself is probably overjoyed to be free, as I cleared her mind of Steven, and lost some of my own memories of him. Well, the sacrifices were worth the outcome. The Homeworld has no more affiliations with Earth or me, this planet is safe now and so is Steven.

Steven... He's perhaps better off without me, I was a bad influence on him anyway although I'm sure he'll say the opposite. He's a nice kid, he'll find a friend soon and start his own hero tale. Maybe his story will be a happy-go-lucky one. He'll have all sorts of his nice little human adventures. He'll have a lot of people who love him and he'll find his right place in this world. His story would be called something pretty and noble. Wait, how about this...

Yes,  _The Story Of Steven, Everyone's Hero._ That's such a nice name for this lovely tale, isn't it? It's a beautiful name. Matching my little Steven perfectly. I bet he'll come up with a better one, but this one is beautiful, he'd agree with that. Just like the rays of light casting blue swirling shapes all around, the world is so beautiful, so beautiful it looks like a masterpiece right now. Marvelous, stunning, beautiful...

Beautiful indeed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter dedicated to HappyGoLucky on YouTube.  
> Check her channel out it's great.  
> This wasn't meant to be this sad but whatever, it's neat I suppose.


	3. A Heart Of Diamond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She changed.  
> Blue never wanted her to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Proceed with caution. Lots of angst ahead.  
> POV: Blue Diamond.

How can I even begin to explain this?

It was... Mutual, the affection, that is. She cared and so did I. Together, the world and all of its trouble and issues would disintegrate, leaving me and her. Just us, alone but not lonely, desperate to understand what is it that brought us to fall in this state. This unexplainable depression that affects me whenever she would go to battle. The forbidden fury she experiences when something threatened my existence. This wild, irrational love.

Love. Maybe that was what we shared.

Perhaps you would now wonder, why we had never fused if we had such an affinity for each other. Well, there were the boundaries. We would be branded as hypocrites if we did, and to be honest, I never liked the idea of fusion, losing myself to something more, but Yellow reacted differently to the idea. She seemed to despise it with every fibre of her form. She hates it, a person who had just met her would assume so, but the fact she hated it came more of shame than plain hatred. She was incapable of fusion. Completely and permanently unable.

White Diamond stated that, and explained that it was an accidental damage caused by a flaw in her design. But I could see the cracks in the façade a mile away. She had done it on propose, to avoid the possibility of us fusing and taking her out of the Authority. But that had a negative impact on Yellow's personality. She became ruthless. Angry, unapproachable, uncontrollable and hurt. She seemed to think that she was beneath me and White, the Diamonds who were fully functional and superior.  I tried to explain on numerous occasions that what White said was unconfirmed. She had never attempted fusion for a start and what the other Diamond said was based on old data. She tried to deny it, but I pressed on, telling her that even if she was incapable, that shouldn't change the way she sees herself. Then she asked me something, something so confusing, that I still have no answer for it.

_ "Would you still care, though?" _

_ _ I didn't know. I still don't know. I should be able to answer this. I should be able to say that I will, but I don't really know. We were together, but not that close. And we even grew more distant at the discovery of the fusion fiasco. I could tell she was bothered by all this, but whenever I asked she just dismissed it with a wave of her hand and a vague response. I should've known she was faking toughness and probed the situation further, but I was young and foolish.

So foolish.

_ "Would you still care?..." _

Did I even care from the beginning? Or was it all just a lie? Was I lying to Yellow that I loved her to make her feel loved?! Did I pity her more than I loved her? We were going to end sooner than we thought. And we knew it. The wounds we barely sustained left scars that were already forming, marking the path towards our ends.

I counted the days. They passed like thousands of years, and time seemed to affect Yellow as well. She was upset most of the time about the things we did to planets, she cried a lot. She was a terrible crier, I remember that. She used to sob onto my shoulder and stutter out things about hating the Authority and Homeworld, wishing she could leave somewhere where no gems know her and make a fresh start for herself, being angry for nothing and having no idea of what's happening to her.

The poor thing was a mess. No lies, I was a mess too. I never let her see me like this. It would shatter whatever confidence she had left. The things I saw, the things I did. I hated myself more than ever then. I was a monster, ever since I was made I never had a moment of slight happiness unless it was with her. The amount of things I lost and the the things I feared. Sometimes I wonder how many times I called my Lapis and told her I'd die today. I never had the strength to tell Yellow. I'd tell her, if I could.

_ "...Would you?..." _

I missed her. No, I miss her. Her soft smile, the way she would laugh at some ridiculous wordplay I'd use, the way her hands would hold mine, the way she spoke when she was talking about something she was shy of admitting. Downcast eyes and face turned away from me, hands crossed over her gem, avoiding possible contact, voice soft and fragile.  She was always so fragile.

_ "I'd love you. I'd always love you." _

If only I was strong enough to say it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. 3 chapters in one day.  
> That's got to be a record.  
> Dunno why, but I can imagine the Diamonds being a bunch of angst vending machines.


	4. Some Time Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life isn't a piece of cake.  
> Strawberry cake is a piece of cake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV: Yellow Diamond. A sort of fluffy chapter end just to "lion" the mood.

After a difficult period of time, the gems have finally allowed me freedom from these chains and I was grateful for Rose's child and his support of my release. However I was uncomfortable with the lack of time alone so I walked outside, hoping for some privacy and silence, and found a perfect spot besides the human construct known as a fence, perfectly shadowed from the sun and that horrendous rain.

The Crystal Gems are a menace, I thought. They are bizarre, irrational, and defective in every way possible. Their habits are unlike those of any other gem in this universe, ranging from the unnecessary hibernations of the Amethyst (known here as just: Amethyst.) To the perma-fusion the Ruby and Sapphire insist on forming. The Pearl is probably acceptable, but she's just a Pearl, not exactly someone who can think outside the box, as the human idiom goes. Steven, the name the hybrid has insisted on using, was the only companion I could talk to without the usual troubles the mention of the gem caste system can bring. I don't really want to be with the others, considering the fact they have a deep hatred towards me and the Authority. The Amethyst doesn't have knowledge of most of the events in the war, at least not the first ones, and she just hates me for the Cluster. She is favored by the Peridot, and the Peridot herself seemed to avoid me. Apparently she is attempting to dodge further troubles for Steven's sake.

Everyone here does things for Steven's sake. He seems to be a very important member of their team, despite him being very fragile and easily damaged. Usually teams like this would exclude such gems of missions and continously keep them out of harm's way, but they treat him like the only capable and functional member of their team. As if he was the leader of them even before he was really alive and aware. His mother  ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~is~~ ~~~~ ~~~~was Rose Quartz after all, and she was the leader of the entire Rebellion. He has a lot of potential and he still hadn't mastered his powers completely. He could be the strongest in the team, despite the signs that prove otherwise. Apparently, gaining Steven's trust is crucial to my survival. He is trusted by his comrades and he is a very  important human/gem hybrid, the only one of his kind.

He is not the only thing whose existence is crucial to my own . I have been feeling worse than usual when I discovered that I have basically sealed my fate by refusing Steven's offers to heal me, and it's not a pretty one. The Earth's magnetic field is affecting most of my powers. On Homeworld, there is no Ozone layer to block out UV rays and these are vital for the perfect execution of the restoration process. This is the use of my gem energy combined with the rays to repair the broken fibers connecting the particles that form my gem and preventing possible damage for a temporary period of time. In simpler terms, it allows me to heal myself completely and makes me invincible for a while, thus fixing all of my mistakes and helping me off this sad rock. Unfortunately, I can't use it now. Soon I might shatter or worse, turn into some sick twisted corrupted creature with no sapience or worse, no sentience. I would die like this, alone and hurting and the worst part... 

I'd never get to tell her.

I'd never get to tell Blue I love her. She doesn't deserve to see this, she'd be devastated by it. Luckily she wouldn't be here to witness me meet such a horrible end. But she will want me back, and she would be so upset... Maybe she could be spared from seeing me lose my mind, but the aftermath of the disaster will affect her. My thoughts began to drift off into more painful possibilities.

She'd be so hurt. So lonely.

"Hey, what's up?" Steven asked, moving closer to the fence where I sat against the wooden gate, taking a seat on a broken down machine similar to a box. He looked at me expectantly for an answer and I shrugged. "Nothing, just... Lost in thought." He nodded knowingly, seeming relived somehow. "Yeah, that happens to all of us, even me sometimes. Can you believe it?" He added jokingly, and I gave a slight shrug. "Unbelievable." I said, too quiet for him to hear. We sat there for a few moments, taking in the scene of the sun setting down and painting the sky with reds and yellows, a scene never witnessed on Homeworld, making it seem almost surreal to me. Suddenly he got up, extending an arm towards me. "Come on, I've got something to show you." I looked at his hand, hesitant. "It's not involving the others, isn't it?" He shook his head. "Nope. I promise, you'll love this!" When i showed no response, he opened his palm and closed it again, as if to say, "come on, I don't bite."

I got up, taking his hand and following him like a pet as he led me to the makeshift shelter known as the "barn." The door was half open, revealing the numerous objects lurking inside, some possibly older than Steven himself, but there was something standing out, something new, in a box that had the words "free to a good home" written on it in big letters and moving about inside. I stared at it, taken aback. The creature was engulfed in light grey fur to the point of drowning in it. It had four legs equal in length, and two pointed ears in addition to two deep-blue eyes and a long, furry tail. It looked up at me and made a strange noise. Something like "mee-ow!" Or whatever. "It's a cat!" Steven explained, waving his hands in excitement. "I already have a lion, and this buddy's got no place to go. I thought you'd like it. You know, to keep you company."

I stared at the cat, and sporadically smiled like everything was suddenly better. That's the effect Steven has on me, and like, everyone else. Those blue eyes reminded me so much of Blue's eyes, and I thought I finally got some comfort in such a rough time.

"I love it."


	5. Me, You = Me-ow.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Chapter Titles:   
> Pearl is the best life coach ever,  
> Yellow for god's sake give that cat a break or so I dunno plz help me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks yo.  
> POV: YD

Grey Diamond. My cat is Grey Diamond. Just for knowledge's sake, there is no  _real_ Grey Diamond, and probably there won't be one. It's a sad fact and yet a happy one cause I have an excuse and reason to name my dear furry friend who was the best thing on this planet. Hopefully it went unnoticed by the Crystal Chumps or whatever that is, I still cannot understand the need to name their team when they're the _Only_ Gems on Earth. That in addition to myself, of course. Speaking of which, they are beginning to be a little more nice to me considering the way they are changing their attitude based on the amount of tension in the current situation. Going back to my dear kitten, Steven seemed even more enthusiastic about it than what I imagined. He started teaching me about cats and their habits, the learning process was assisted by Pearl as she was joining in with more than one advice about the eating and sleeping times of feline creatures. She was a bit hesitant at the beginning, but I think we are starting to get along. Sort of. Especially if it came to 'Earthly' matters like two days ago

•°•°•°•

_"So, this is a 'bed'."_

_"Yes. It is." Pearl replied, gesturing towards the 'sleeping' compartment for emphasis. She was telling me that all organics on this planet need sleep to restore their energy, and was showing me the instruments used to do so. I'm starting to like Pearl, despite our class-related differences. She's professional, rational, and somehow has a comforting aura surrounding her._

_I blinked at the strange object, obviously missing a point._

_"But does she need all this space? It's so huge compared to her size." I stole a glance at Grey, who was curled up in my arms to see her reaction and *surprise* she didn't even care, just purred and continued to rub her head against my hand, which was, surprisingly not so gross. Pearl smiled and shrugged, although it looked strained. "It's not just for her, you know." But I didn't know, so I stared at her with a blank expression on my face. (A smart way of requesting information, 10/10. Would recommend to Blue Diamond.) She sighed, and gave Steven who was sitting at such a distance from us that I wouldn't have noticed him a you see look and crossed her arms. "You might need it too. Having a cracked gem can drain you out quite fast." Said Pearl, and I couldn't help but agree. But the fact she cared about my wellbeing kind of made me angry. We were enemies, right? "Why do you care?" I groaned in a low voice despite my rage so Steven wouldn't hear. She seemed surprised, and looked at me in a way that wasn't particularly unfriendly._

_"You're stuck here, with us, and honestly, we're not brutes. We're not going to peel your eyelids off and leave you buried to the neck in the desert. Even if you were evil and one lunatic leader we dont have the right to judge you if you wanted to just try liking Earth for a change. Steven has that effect on people. And I kind of hate Homeworld for the things they do to Pearls but it's still my home, even though I'm never going to see it again." I was flabbergasted by the words she said, they were, somehow, consolation in this hard time. Maybe Pearls weren't as obedient and mindless as I thought. My Pearl and all the others, they could be strong and capable as Quartz soldiers. They have potential too. "Yeah. You're right. I'm sorry, Pearl."_

_"You're welcome." With that, she left, leaving me to flop onto the bed's sheet-like fabric known as the blanket and Grey to hop on the pudgy square known as a pillow._

_Oh my stars, I can't believe that I said that! I can't believe that! But I just did. I freaking did. I apologized. To. A. Pearl. **I** **Apologized to a PEARL!**_

_I feel lower than ever right now..._

_As if on cue, Grey D meowed in agreement._

•°•°•°•

As i remembered the - _not so-_ good old times, Grey started rubbing her head against my leg, demanding attention. In response I picked her up and put her on my lap only for her to start climbing the front of my outfit. "Woah. Hey... Hey, g-get down!" I hissed, ntrying to do anything to stop this tiny adorable thing from accidentally breaking me with her sharp claws and not having the heart to simply pluck her off my shirt. She got up and climbed onto my shoulders, using my hair as her rubbing board and moving from shoulder to shoulder with ease.

After a few seconds of watching her and being certain she wouldn't fall or leave my hair alone, I sighed, defeated. "Have it your way, my Diamond."

I allowed myself to enjoy a laugh at my own stupid joke She purred in triumph as she sat on my left shoulder pad, face on paws and eyes closed, savouring her victory. I couldn't help but grin. That's probably the reason why this little bugger's a Diamond.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am feeling: Pearly.  
> (•°•)
> 
> I based the AU cat's colours on my old cat, Quicksilver. She used to climb up on our shoulders and the entire family loved her.  
> She passed away a year ago, killed by a street dog.  
> This is a lie, or the truth. Believe what you want.


	6. The One That Got Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She was everything I could ask for."  
> Blue Diamond.

I never wanted to think about her disappearance as we continued our scouting missions, searching every single planet there is for traces of her and possibly finding her.

_Really, what is there to think about?_

She's close to me and I could never forget her, nor that I want to. She's the only hope I had in the Authority, and now... Now I don't even want anything to do with that. She gave me life, no matter how silly that might sound. She is everything I might ever want. I love her, for stars' sake! What else could be expected, considering the fact that we continued to meet for sixty five, eight hundred and twenty five (65,825) years. I remembered every second that passed, every word we said, I even remember when she came yelling, about one tiny Peridot. I swear, I couldn't recognize her then. Perhaps I never knew her well enough.

\----------

_"She... She called me a c-clod! I swear... I freaking swear when I see her I Will- BLUE ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!"_

_"Of course.You were insulted by a Peridot. Continue."_

_"What is there to say?! I can't be insulted like this! I'm... I'm Yellow Diamond! I can't let this drop! You can't let this drop! We're together, we can.. We can go to Earth. Yes, yes! We'll go to Earth! We will and we'll kill her..."_

_"Uh, Yellow?"_

_"And I'll put another... Cluster! Cluster in that stupid rock! A Cluster the size of Pluto, and I'll put another Cluster, and another, and another, and another..."_

_"Yellow calm down! You're going crazy!"_

_"AND I'LL KEEP MAKING MORE UNTIL I BECOME THE CLUSTER!"_

_"...."_

_"...w-why...why are you staring at me like that?"_

_"Get yourself together. Please. You're scaring me."_

_"Oh, no. Blue, I'm sorry.I kinda lost it and I'm so-"_

_*sigh* "I know. Just come here."_

_"Why?"_

_"So I can hug you stupid. We can't have White seeing you like this."_

_"It doesn't matter, she's got enough ammo. Guess I'm as imperfect as she always said."_

_"Screw her. You're perfect to me."_

_\-------_

Maybe she snapped after all. Every Gem has her breaking point. Bet Tricky snapped earlier than I thought. After our miserable time on Earth, no wonder she wanted it dead. We almost did the unthinkable... No. Things like this should never be told. I chose to bury this deep in the confines of my soul for her sake. Not even thinking about it when I die. Everything I do, I do it for her.

She is everything I can ask for.

No, correction: she was everything I could ask for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I couldn't update sooner.


	7. Waterfalls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the most beautiful things in life.  
> Or: Yellow is harbouring too many conflicting Blue Diamond related emotions, really low self-esteem, a strange affinity for water and a crisis.  
> POV: YD and Pearl.

I faded out of consciousness, of reality.

_...Remember her..._

_Try to remember her._

_Her smile, her laugh._

_The way she'd dance..._

_The way she'd love..._

_The way she'd love you._

_You promised, didn't you?_

_That you'd never forget._

_That you'd always be there for her._

_Remember her, Yellow._

_She's the one keeping you together...._

_Remember..._

_...._

_Knock knock knock!_

"...wh-what time is it?..."

I blinked my eyes slowly, trying to get used to the bright artificial light, trying to regain control over my senses and attempting to stay conscious while every fiber of my broken body begged me not to. I moved my stiff limbs and looked around, trying to remember where I was and what on Earth was...

On Earth. Yeah.

"Hey Yellow, are you okay?"

Steven. He's worried. That nice boy. Why should he worry? After all, I was still his enemy until I said otherwise, but I still hadn't claimed treason or attempted to defect. No, I was volatile, but not that volatile. The knocking retuned once again, .making me wince at the loudness of the noise. After so much time in here, I had slowly forgotten that I was sharing this planet with another Gems. Oh, and a hybrid. He was too nice, something to be expected out of a Rose Quartz's offspring. I hated being forced to naturally hate him.

I hated being anything by default. I didn't want to be some piece of hardware, crafted to meet measures and statistics, and proposed to serve only the higher power. That higher power was nobody other than White Diamond. The only being who had complete and full power over us and all of Homeworld. She controlled all of Gemkind, and that was that.

I sighed. There was no way to change Homeworld now. It's been like this for thousands of years. Just like this planet. The only place the Authority has failed to conquer. There is a certain beauty to it, I have to admit, but that beauty is only brought by the pleasant memories that I had in this place with Blue.

Blue Diamond. That name has failed to enter my mind for thousands of years, or last night. I was still trying to sort through my feelings for her. She is nice, and smart, and I just want to be with her because she makes me feel better regarding everything. Is that love?

Maybe not. But whatever it is, it's better than White's constant degradation. That disgusting, horrible brute. She doesn't care about anyone except for herself. I groaned in pain, curling up on the floor, hopeless.

A faint noise was heard, but I ignored it.

She makes me not want to even live, every day talking about how she made me. She is the one who turned me into what I am right now. She is the one who did this, she is the one who did that... She is the one who did everything!

The noise retuned, louder now. It sounded like... Something cracking...

No. I looked down at my gem, hoping I was wrong and no. I was right.

The crack was growing bigger now. Just like that. I pounded my fist against the floor in frustration, feeling lost. Great. Maybe this would kill me, and then I'd pass away peacefully, not forced to endure White and her humiliating words anymore. Not forced to live in constant torture.

" _You're nothing special!"_

_"There are thousands of gems just like you!"_

_" **Millions** of gems just like you!"_

_"Stop being such a pain and make yourself useful."_

*****

_The weeks pass slowly._

_The first one is spent with the Diamond holed up inside the barn. She doesn't attempt an escape, only sits there, trying not to be such a burden. Pearl doesn't blame her. She's a prisoner now, and her future lies in the hands of her captors._

_The second is spent talking, explaining, and blaming. Steven tries to make peace, and she doesn't get it. Wow, Pearl thinks, she doesn't get anything. To her this planet is nothing more than a sad hunk of rock, a death trap for Diamonds. She is so exhausted now, and prefers to remain indoors when the sun sets._

_The third one is slow. Snow falls, and they only spent the first day in the barn, residing in the beach house instead later on. But they stay and Steven gets them all together, bringing games from the beach house with Garnet and trying to get Yellow to play. "It's team building!" He said. She does play after all, beating everyone and still managing to look uninterested. Steven tries to make conversation, asking her about the other Diamonds, how Blue Diamond was like. She gets up and ruffles his hair, smiling, telling him that she's just tired and can't talk right now._

_There is something wrong with that smile._

".. And she's still in there. I don't know what's happening but I'm really worried though." Steven finished. I looked down at him and knelt down to his level, smiling nervously and trying to comfort him. "It's okay, Steven. She's probably just trying to have some privacy. I think she's just fine."

"Really?"

"Yes, Steven. There is nothing to worry about."

Steven gets going, and goes up to his loft after saying goodnight. 

Every word was a lie. As I looked at the bathroom door, I knew very well that something was wrong. I remembered last night, about how she seemed a bit uneasy the entire time. It was like she was thinking about something, too occupied to notice anything else. I remembered the night at the barn, when Steven asked her about the others, the way she stiffened when he mentioned Blue Diamond. And I remembered her smile seemed a bit...  _Off._

I opened the door slowly, taking in the sight. The once undefeatable Diamond was now curled up into a fetal position on the floor, sobbing and moving with her hitched breaths. She looked almost pitiful, and I felt a stabbing pain for being angry with her the other day. She looked like she was having enough problems.

As if on cue, she looked up, hands on the sides of her head, as if she was trying desperately to hold herself together and failing. She stared at me, unmoving, until she grimaced, her face looking like she was staring right through me.

"What do you want Pearl?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnnnnd cliffhanger.
> 
> If you want to chat, ask, or just nerd about, I go by the name (trugemstory) on tumblr. (I post some sketches and pretend to be rad sometimes)


	8. The Far Reaches Of Hope - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The part 1 of a long chapter.  
> BD/YD fluff and real interaction at LAST!

“What do you want, Pearl?”

The room was noiseless, the silence hanging heavy in the air.

Standing in the doorway, I had no response to her question, and that seemed to be almost terrifying for her, although that was a ridiculous idea taking into consideration that she was about seventeen times stronger than me. She curled up into a ball once more, grumbling a curse under her breath and anxiously demanding me to go out and leave her alone. She looked quite pitiful in that pose, appearing as if she were a small animal haunted by a frightening predator and I felt sorry for her in spite of the fact that was foolish. I mean really, how could I sympathize with such a gem whose only purpose is to destroy the planet Rose gave her life for? She was my enemy, yes, but if there was something I learnt from being a Crystal Gem alongside Rose (and from watching Steven helping Peridot and so many other gems) was that everyone deserves a chance if they wanted to redeem themselves, no matter how evil or how much I hate them, so I knelt down to her level and tried to talk to her with little avail, all her responses were vague and brief. She seemed to be intent on keeping whatever was bothering her secret no matter what it was anyway. I sat down, lifted her head with both hands and stared straight into her eyes, feeling almost pained at the sight. She was paler than usual, the look in her eyes turning dull and hazy, making her seem like she was staring right through my skull, and she was so exhausted that, despite her disagreement with me being so close, she didn’t struggle against my grip, letting her hands fall to her sides and her form collapse, completely trusting in my hands. Her actions and appearance were making it look as if she might pass out right then and right now. I silently begged her that she wouldn’t.

“What's wrong with you?” I asked, almost pleading, “I know you're stuck on Earth and all, but why are you so depressed? You have to tell me eventually, but I'm worried about you. Steven's worried about you. We’re  _all_  worried about you.” It nearly seemed that I was never going to get a response then, in my eyes she had completely zoned out but what surprised me was that she did speak, voice broken and filled with pain mixed with overwhelming fatigue. “You… you just wouldn’t understand…” “Trust me,” I said, feeling a bit arrogant. “I've forgot more things about humans and this planet than any Diamond would ever know. I’d be a fool if I didn’t get it though.” I added hurriedly, trying to lighten up the mood. It worked, as she chuckled halfheartedly, rolling her bleary eyes. “Can't argue with that, but… it’s about somebody I knew. Stuff happened here, on this planet, and the more time I spend here, the more I keep thinking about her.”

“You mean Blue Diamond?”

The look that flashed across her face made her look like she’d seen a ghost.

“How'd you know?”

“It’s quite obvious. You seemed to be attached to her at the time before the Rebellion, and there was the issue of your brief disappearance on Earth. Don’t think it wasn’t suspicious that every record on the matter was deleted, and…” I gestured to her hair. “I've seen that style before.” To my surprise, she gave me an “are you serious” look and said, “I'm the one who invented that look though, smarty.”

At least the old Yellow Diamond was back. “So what happened between you two?” I asked. “She left you for someone else?” She laughed, although it sounded really strained. “Heh, as if Blue might even think of it. No, she loved me too much to do that. You really want to know?”

I nodded, letting her go so she would sit down in a pose similar to mine, scratching the back of her neck awkwardly as she stared at me, and not knowing where to start.

“Well, it all happened when we first landed on Earth…”

**Earth, 16000 years ago…**

_“Get it off!”_

_Blue Diamond sighed, watching Yellow Diamond, the once dignified leader of Homeworld, run about with a panicked expression on her face as rain fell. She had knowledge of this planet’s hydrosystem and its strange actions, but Yellow had no idea about it and ended up looking very ridiculous as she jumped all over the place, trying to hide from the rain. “It won’t hurt you, you know.” She tried; her hopes destroyed when Yellow turned around and scampered over to try and hide under her dress._

_“Whoa, whoa…. Hands off Yellow! I said, Hands Off!” she practically kicked the other Diamond away, crossing her arms as she glared at her. “What the hell was that? Gee, Yellow, I didn’t know you had that kind of weird stuff on your mind.”_

_The other blushed and started spluttering a bunch of apologies and claims that she did not have “weird stuff” on her mind. She got up to her feet slowly, the rain soaking both of them as she wrung her hands nervously trying to look anywhere but at the other Diamond who sighed. "It's okay, I didn't mean it, you know, you're not a creep, but don't try that sort of stuff again." She said, walking over and offering a comforting grin to the other. She put a hand on the other's shoulder, smirking inwardly at the shudder that passed through Yellow's form. After a few moments of silence Yellow took in a deep breath and smiled hopefully, making Blue get that familiar warmth inside. "Let's get to the warp's new location, shall we?" she asked, and Blue responded with a nod. The two moved forward on the grassy field, slowly making their way to the area where the Galaxy Warp was going to be constructed._

_Finding Colonies was Blue's specialty, The commuinactions and constructs, however, were Yellow's special thing. Blue sometimes doubted that White commissioned her just to create warps, to manage communications because she was always too occupied and too important to go personally to the new colonies and create the warps herself. She even made her lead the new Cluster project, which was a difficult job for any newly mined Gem, but surprisingly a piece of cake for Yellow. she handled those geoweapons like they were pets, and even managed to actually communicate with them at some occasions. they trailed behind her like Pearls, waiting impatiantly for her commands. She often referred to them as "her" Clusters, making her sound as if she made them herself. Blue was convinced that she had bonded with these creatures, and questioned the act of crushing more Gems to make Yellow's precious pets._

_But Yellow was happy, so she was happy too._

_She didn't really know what made her so attached to the younger Gem. Maybe it was her looks, maybe it was her positive attitude, maybe it was the way she smiled, so filled of hope and pure unbridled joy. Joy of being here, of being alive, of being with Blue. It didn't matter if she had a faulted design, or had somewhat creepy habits, or simply had a strange aura surrounding her..._

_She loved seeing Yellow smile, it made her feel somewhat alive, not just a tool or White Diamond's pet, but a real, living, actual Gem. Yellow gave her confidence, gave her that sense of leadership, of being the dominate one in their relationship. It wasn't surprising, Blue was older, smarter, more powerful, it was reasonable to believe that Blue would be the one to take the big steps, to be the one who takes the chances and risks the failures. She would be the leader, yes, but Yellow was the support beam, the one who kept her together. Without her, Blue would've been dead years back, possibly from her rash decisions or her own pain. Yellow brought her up when she felt low, made her strong when she felt weak. She was her only solace. Having someone so young and innocent in her life was almost what's best for her._

_However, there were times where Yellow would be the broken one, and she would try to hide it. She would try to smile through the pain, although the bruises were almost visible through the fabric of her outfit. She would hide her tears under that fake upbeat attitude although she would be practically screaming on the inside, and Blue would feel it. She would feel every powerful punch as it collided with her form, every scornful word as it wounded her soul, every piercing gaze she endured, it was all bombarding her, making her almost on edge of retreat. She wondered how Yellow could handle it._

_"Are you okay?"_

_She turned around to face the younger one, wincing at the concerned expression visible on Yellow's face._

_"Yeah, I was just thinking about..." She responded, crossing her arms and turning away from the other, doubting that she would notice that Blue was thinking about their painful past. Yellow smiled briefly, then pulled the other's face towards her and kissed her deeply. "Don't say anything. It doesn't matter. We won't have to deal with her anymore on this planet. We're here, far away from her and all the troubles she causes us. we're on Earth now-" here she smirked. "And we're staying here until I say otherwise."_

_Blue laughed, wrapping both of her arms around Yellow's waist and pulling her gently closer. "Where'd you get that sort of attitude?" she asked and Yellow shrugged, putting her arms around Blue's neck for support. "Guess I learn fast."_

_The next kiss they shared was longer than the previous one, but more needed though. They pulled back eventually, and Blue gazed at Yellow's eyes, filled with stars and her face encased in a golden blush. She saw her reflection breifly in those amber eyes, her face flushed so deep and a faint hint of a smile tugging at her lips, half-obscured by the wild locks of shiny wet blonde hair. "Yeah." She said eventually,_

_"Guess do you learn fast."_

_"And?"_

_"You're cute."_

_Yellow blushed again. "Hey, I'm not that kind of Gem." she slurred, "You can't win my heart just by sweet talk." Blue grinned then, leaning in close as her voice dropped to a whisper. "But you won mine long ago, so I guess it could only be fair for me to give it a shot, yes?"_

_"Yeah. I love you, Blue. Really."_

_"I love you too, Yellow. I always will."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Takes a bow* Thank you everyone!


	9. The Far Reaches Of Hope - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of love in this chapter.

Blue Diamond stared at her reflection in the almost transparent spaceport and wearily wipes her eyes. Is she dreaming somehow, or is she really heading towards Earth, the planet that holds some of the worst and happiest moments of her life? Her journey has led her to this hideous rock once more, as she was searching hopelessly for her friend who was now supposedly dead. “And, could she be alive somehow, although you feel otherwise? Could she be waiting for you, Blue, waiting to explain everything to you, why has she disappeared so suddenly and refused to let you know of her location?” asks a cautious voice inside her, and she turns away from the port, staring at the ground and clenching her fists in frustration. “I would ask her about what you have asked me, that if she was alive.” She says quietly, as the hypnotic humming of the ship’s machinery makes her feel even more worn out.

“And what if she is not?”

“Then I would possibly mourn her for a million years.” She said, although it was an immense understatement.

Just then, the door slides open, revealing her Pearl, who walks in meekly while bowing her head. “My Diamond.” She says. Blue is too exhausted to say anything, so she motions for her to speak, and Pearl continues. “The Peridot piloting the ship insisted that I inform you, we might land in a few hours.” She said, not looking up in reverence. Blue is silent for a few moments, then sighs, saying, “Thank you Pearl, you may depart.” “Yes, my Diamond.” Pearl does as she is told, leaving the Diamond alone and resuming her previous duties. “And, what do I know of the duties of a Pearl?” Blue Diamond thinks, as her internal conflict continues, leaving her unwillingly occupied during the entire landing orbit.

_I don’t know, what do you?_

_I asked you first. And who are you to judge me?_

_Someone who knows all of your flaws. You Diamonds aren’t as perfect as you claim. You have your faults too; all that was wrong with Yellow is that her defection actually showed. And you are nothing more than she is._

_What do you know about Yellow?_

_I know that you're not any good for her._

_I know that... it's awful._

_Right. And she's just a kid. Never even been in a war zone._

_Well she's not totally innocent._

_No, but it's probably not from personal experience. She's been in bombardment and didn't stick with it. You want to estimate she's a souless killer?_

_No, no._

_Right. She needs to do something. Introduce her to what you really are. What she's going to become._

_No._

_Yes._

_This is pointless._

_Arguing with yourself? Yeah it is. Do something productive. You'll thank yourself later. You've got to do something._

_What do you mean, 'do something'?_

_You know what I mean. You can't just sit around and not be productive. Things won't go anywhere if this keeps up._

_I know, but, what am I supposed to do? I can't just force her into that._

_No, but she's got no idea of how bad things can really get._

_So?_

_Show her that._

_What?_

_That what you've got planned for her is the lowest of the low._

This voice inside of her, probably the loudest part of her during this whole trip was rapidly shooting accusations and curses as if they were coming from the barrel of a shotgun. She hated being such a threat and a source of pain to the other Gem and that made her die inwardly, shake and resist the urge to scream in pain. She could feel the other’s pain, and it was unbearable. She tried to think of times that were not so filled with agony and suffering, tried to project the not torturous feelings to the closest person to her.

surprisingly, it worked, although she had no way of knowing.

_”Good job, you actually hit me.”_

_White Diamond examined the rip in the sleeve of her outfit, smiling down at the two Diamonds standing in front of her. Pink Diamond was almost bursting with pride as Rose Quartz rambled on and on about how cool, great, and awesome was that while Yellow Diamond stood back, grunting and twitching with anger, seeing Pink outshine her in front of White was almost unbearable, she felt her rage boiling inside of her until it burst in one mega scream. “I can do it too, you know!” She yelled in fury only to be cut off by a hand gripping her shoulder. She spun around, ready to fight, and froze when she saw Blue Diamond staring at her with an amused expression. “Wow.” She said, “Take it easy.”_

_“Hey Blue! Check out my cool skills! I got to hit White!” Pink cried, waving her hands while having a ridiculous grin all over her face. Although the Diamonds matched sizes and powers, they also had a number of different qualities that made each one unique. White Diamond had more superior abilities to her subordinates, which was the reason that she led the Authority. But compared to her, Pink Diamond was a bit too strong, making her almost too powerful to be only responsible for backup. As a reward for mastering her powers so early, White has commissioned a Rose Quartz, one of the first, to be her second in command. Blue Diamond was more the strategic type, a colony specialist who preferred to control her troops from Homeworld and to leave the battlefield operations to another Diamond. As for Yellow…_

_White still has not found a place for her._

_Blue Diamond had discussed her situation with White a few days later, when White was busy revising blueprints for the several gem types, and Blue was sitting in a chair. Enraptured by the sight although the only view she had of the sky was the wall-sized window replacing one of the dividers, giving her a clear look at the damaged star-filled space._

_”The others are doing well.” White remarked as she came across several Diamond blueprints, turning to Blue whose attention was still fixed on whatever she was watching. “They are.” She remarked, “Pink is doing well, her powers are very advanced for a Gem her age, she’ll be a great Diamond someday.” White turned around from her work and looked at Blue, a certain look in her eyes. “What about Yellow?”_

_Blue’s hands clenched at the arms of the chair, a strange feeling overcoming her. “She’s way behind schedule; her…defect…has a very bad effect on her progress. She can't use her powers right, she’s lacking focus, and her weapon summoning is just…” she sighed. “She needs more work.”_

_White turned around to continue her work. “But still, she is an important member of this team. What Pink might lack in enthusiasm, she can fulfill it and more. She does have a certain talent for bringing up everyone’s spirits. Could possibly be vital for the survival of this team.” She suddenly whirled around, facing Blue with an amused look on her face. “But you already know that! She is your favorite, isn’t she?”_

_Blue smiled softly, thinking of the optimistic Gem who taught her about life more than she would ever learn by herself. If only White knew what her real interest in Yellow was, she would be shocked. After a while, her thoughts began wandering into warmer territory, and the smile on her face grew wider._

_“I forgot to ask,” White suddenly said, breaking Blue out of her daydream. “Why do you like her so much?”_

_”Well, she’s important to me.”_

_“Important?”_

_Blue looked up at the sky again, a dreamy expression written on her face. “If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be here, or be the same. She made me realize the things I was too busy to see. Because of that, I don’t have the right to condemn her. She can be whatever she is, weird, funny, she can even be cocky I honestly don’t mind. She’s closer to me than anyone is, and because of that…”_

_“Because of her… I can finally be a real Gem.”_

_White blinked at the statement, but smiled. “I think so too.” She said before continuing her work._

_“But she's not herself now." Blue thought as she looked down. Yellow was outside in the grounds of their palace, growling and yelling at no one in particular. “I'm just as good as she is! Why does she get all the glory? I swear if I heard her talk about herself again I swear I would punch her in the face! She has no right to just go there, act powerful, and make me look like a nuisance! I’m good at everything else, why can't I just do this stupid thing?”_

_She knew very well what Yellow’s weakness was._

_Feeling weak._

_The aforementioned Diamond stomped inside and Blue excused herself, heading to Yellow’s room and trying to hurry. She knew better than leaving the other alone when she was in a rage, Yellow would get some very destructive reactions to anyone who talked to her or even referenced her in discussion, and she just couldn’t afford that to happen. Sure, Yellow was nice, but when she was in a bad mood…_

_You can say that the planet is about to explode._

_When she got to Yellow, however, she could hear a faint noise from the inside and she secretly hoped it wasn’t what she thought it was. When she opened the door, her fears were confirmed. Yellow was sitting on the bed she really didn’t need, curled up and hugging her knees and crying, crying a lot._

_When she heard the other come in, she looked up, and could see the pained look on Blue’s face. Blue walked over and sat down next to her, putting a hand on the other’s back and trying to comfort her. “Hey,” she said softly. “Hey, what’s wrong?”_

_Yellow looked up. “I-I’m not good f-for anything…” She sobbed, shaking her head and looking miserable. Blue winced. “No, no. don’t you say that to me. You're too good for this world.” She said, earning a skeptic look from Yellow who murmured doubtfully. “What makes you say that? You don’t know a thing about me.”_

_These words stuck a nerve. Don’t know a thing about her? Yellow was practically her obsession, and she knew almost everything about the other, including the things she’d rather not know. “You're wrong.” She said. And Yellow’s head shot up in surprise but Blue continued to speak. “I know a lot of things about you. Like, I know when you lie, when you're actually upset and not pretending, how you sometimes like to be alone but want someone to ask about you, and I know that you hate feeling weak because you don’t want to fail anyone. I know you more than you think!” she looked the other directly in the eye. “I care about you more than you could imagine, Yellow. I don’t want to see you angry or upset but at the same time I want to beat up whoever made you feel this way. You matter to me. I care about you, I love you.”_

_Tears formed in Yellow’s eyes again. “R-really?”_

_“Of course.” Blue went up and hugged her. “I really, really love you. And if anyone wants me to stop loving you I’ll tear them limb from limb.” Yellow shivered in her embrace and looked up. “Don’t talk like that. Please. You're scaring me and it’s very hot.” Blue blinked in confusion, but still held the other close. “Yeah, definitely”._

_That was the first time they said it._

_And they never stopped saying it ever since._


	10. The Far Reaches Of Hope - Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;-}

When I finished speaking, I could tell that Pearl was staring at me, completely engrossed in what I had to say. She shook her head when I looked at her. “Oh my.” She said, “What a nightmare this is for the both of you.” I looked away, and muttered a vague response in the lines of “It doesn’t really matter.” Pearl looked quite shocked as she stared me directly in the eye. “You two were really in love?” she asked, making me groan once more. “Oh my stars, Pearl! Yes! I wish you'd listen sometimes.” I have told her about everything, and she had actually showed interest and not disgusted as I thought she’d be. That’s reasonable; after all, she followed Rose Quartz who encouraged love in every form, saying it was a stronger emotion than fear or hatred. She now moved closer, giving me a strange look as she spoke. “But why on Earth didn’t you two ever fuse? I know Blue Diamond hates Gems fusing, but I would’ve thought she would make an exception in your case.” I sighed, looking nervous as I wrung my hands and tried to avoid eye contact. This was not an easy subject. I have never talked about fusion with any other Gem before, but Pearl was more than just any Gem. I heaved a heavy sigh once more, and tried to look away.

“It’s not as simple as it seems. You see, we've tried…”

***

The moonlight created jagged shadows across the palace’s _external grounds, making the place look quite ethereal as the broken beams of light reflected off the figures of Gems that stood in all of their metal glory. Blue led me to the middle of this rare masterpiece that I sadly have never seen earlier, and deadpanned when I asked her what we were doing. “Oh, you're so naïve.” She said, shaking her head. “Can't you tell?” I blinked at her, obviously missing something. “If I could tell, then I wouldn’t have asked you.” I growled, glaring at her and only succeeding in making her laugh. That laugh was adorable. She got closer to me and looked me directly in the eye. “We’re here to prove White wrong.”_

_“We’re going to…”_

_“Uh-huh.”_

_I felt a joyful scream creeping up my throat but forced it down. All of this just sounded too good to be true. Blue was attempting… fusion… with me. Moreover, she hates it when other Gems fused in front of her, so it looked almost impossible when she reached out a hand to me, opening her palm as if inviting me._

_“Trust me, it'll be easy.”_

_I had no option but to trust Blue so I wrapped my arms around her neck while she guided hers around my waist. She grinned when I looked away to hide a blush and I felt it growing. I've never danced before that moment, and she knew it. Probably that’s what made her so slow in starting. She moved us both, and I buried my head in her shoulder, feeling a bit too peaceful. We kept on dancing or doing whatever we were doing, (I'm not sure what it was) and it seemed that with every passing moment the world was turning into our own stage, the metal statues disappearing and the usual noises of the night growing silent. I don’t know what happened then, but I could feel something unraveling inside me, something that stayed entwined within for as long as I can remember. I noticed a faint glow between us, and I knew what was happening afterwards, or what was supposed to happen. We were going to fuse, I guessed. As the glow grew even brighter I felt myself fading away and becoming more like us, and I could tell in her movements that she was feeling the same thing. Then…_

_Something went wrong._

_The glow emitted from my Gem began to glitch, and then went completely dark. We parted in slight shock, and she looked at me. I could see that she thought she failed me. “It didn’t work.” She said blankly. “It really didn’t work. She was right.” I recognized that look. She thought she failed me miserably and she didn’t but she thought so, and that broke my heart. I ran to her before she could start saying things about herself that were really wrong but she wanted to say them to prove she was letting me down and held her hands in mine. “Hey, hey don’t worry. It just wasn’t meant to be.”_

_She moved away for a while, and then looked back at me. “I failed you.” She said, I pulled her into a hug despite my inner refusal of the idea, and she seemed surprised but hugged me back nonetheless. “No Blue. You didn’t fail me.” I said quietly, trying to comfort her and succeeding. When we separated, again I could see she wasn’t completely convinced and looked down at my feet, thinking. I figured out something that would make her feel better and honestly, I hated the idea, but whatever that could make Blue happy would make me happy too. “Hey, you're going to spend the night alone?” I asked her, and she shook her head in confusion, surprised I might actually ask such a question. “No, why?”_

_“Because I'm spending the night alone too, and I just thought that you… might want me to, you know…” I felt my face getting warm. “Keep you company.” I sincerely hoped she wouldn’t misunderstand my intentions because, that would be utterly embarrassing, just thinking about it made me blush uncontrollably._

_Blue took one look at my face and burst in laughter._

_“Oh my stars!”_

_She laughed hysterically until she was out of breath and panted for a few seconds. “Phew. You're such a little cute dork.  I thought you hated to sleep. You told me you'd never do it again. You're a hypocrite! Hey everyone, Yellow Diamond is a huge hypocrite! Oh my stars…” she threw her hands up in the air, addressing an invisible crowd and made an impossibly ridiculous announcement. “I'm going to call you Tricky from now on.” Hearing this, I did a double take. “Oh hell no!” I cried, putting my hands up. “Pink’s going to laugh at me forever! You know how she likes to make fun of me and you… you know, doing stuff.”_

_“Yeah, yeah. Look, never mind that. She’s just disappointed that White is too busy to give her all that precious attention anymore.” She put an arm around my shoulders and started walking me to her chambers. A smirk on her face. She had actually tried (I clearly said Tried) to make me try this sleep and obviously, she failed, but that only made her even more persistent. We always said she has a one-track mind, we as in White and I, although not at the same occasion._

_A few hours later, we were already in bed cuddling and dozing off, even though I would never admit it. The best part of all this was that I had an excuse to be a little bit more dependant on someone. You see, being a Diamond means many things, but mostly it means constant responsibility. If you can't handle a problem, you cannot let someone else deal with it because it’s your job, there is no one to manage it except for you. Therefore, you could imagine how liberating it would be to let it go. Just forget everything, let Homeworld take care of itself tonight, I have things that are more important on my schedule now. Like “Blue Diamond”, “sleeping”, “cuddles”, “other things I’d rather not share because you would laugh at me until the end of your short lifespan”… things like that. The only problem with sleeping is waking up. It’s simply the most tedious process ever, and there is no way to avoid it, unless you're planning to sleep forever which I sadly can't do. I had to go through this awful procedure once again as the timid voice of Blue’s Pearl penetrated the thick layer of silence in the air and my own drowsiness, I felt slight surprise as I heard her voice, I have always thought she was incapable of speech. As I expected, it was rough and barely audible, probably from disuse._

_“My Diamond?”_

_“I'm here Pearl.”_

_One of Blue’s hands left my hair to motion to her Pearl to continue. The Pearl bowed her head in respect and went on in her meek tone of voice. “Her Majesty wishes to inform you that there is a new colony in construction and it requires both of you present, in form.” White always liked having a special title for her, considering that she did rule all of us, that was expected, I remembered._

_“Both of us?”_

_“Yellow Diamond is the other I mentioned, my Diamond.”_

_How on Homeworld did she see me? I was almost invisible, as far as I was concerned, completely buried in Blue’s sheets, cushions, and her own form. I was completely numb to all sensations, those other than bliss, and the only thing I could feel was a hand, slowly stroking the back of my head._

_“And did she mention a certain time?”_

_“She expects your arrival in seven solar rotation cycles.”_

_“That is actually more than convenient. Thank you Pearl.”_

_Her Pearl left us alone once more, and I closed my eyes, trying desperately to sleep once more. I must've stirred more than once because Blue looked down, smiled at me, and released me from her gentle hold, letting me get comfortable so we can continue what we were doing. (What were we doing, for stars sake?) I looked up at her and hugged her once more, laying my head against her Gem and sighing in complete relaxation. I'm not to blame; Blue can be very cuddly sometimes and tonight was one of them. At least she wasn’t wearing her cape; it would get on my nerves sometimes because it hid most of her features, leaving me to imagine what was actually there. At least now, I could see her beautiful azure eyes without a shade over them. She looked ethereal in the moonlight, the rays reflecting off her gem and skin and her eyes half lidded in a gaze that was both stirring and attractive. She reached out with one hand; cupping the side of my face and pressing a kiss to my lips that made a strange feeling run down my spine. When she pulled back, I could see that she was smiling, a rare sight to any Gem but a pleasant sight to me. I've already gotten used to her fickle personality, an entertaining dilemma, but a dilemma nonetheless. Most of the time, she was somewhat nonjudgmental and tolerant. However, if aggravated, she would snap into a rage any second and beat herself up over it continuously, as well as the numerous monuments, buildings, and any hopeless Gems that happened to be in her way. She could be monstrous sometimes, and would turn into an angel minutes later. Such Gems were never under the control of someone crazy enough to let him or her have power over anything, but she was an exception. By that, I mean she was created in a critical time and excelled at every single task she had so White decided she should stay. Such a lame excuse to conserve recourses and not waste another 250,000,000 years making another Diamond, a one possibly with a worse attitude and one I would never like, but who cares? I have Blue now, and that is all I can ask for. She whispered a few loving words to me and I held on to her even tighter as we slept further into the night, various stars shinning down on us from the vast skylight above us._

_When we woke up, we set course to earth, unfortunately._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiatus after this one.  
> I have midterms now so I won't be able to update soon.


	11. Stargazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst and Yellow Diamond do a little bonding and Sadie says her famous line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back from hiatus!

400 Years ago.

That’s when all the trouble began.

The screaming figures were losing their forms, some falling into shards of glittering gems, some crushed under the feet of monsters who took utmost pleasure in seeing the agonized look in those horrified eyes, and enjoying the sound of death itself, ringing grimly across the battlefield in the form of shattering sounds and weapons clanging against gemstones, causing the continuous horror to increase even more. Through all the smoke and fire, Blue Diamond growled, shoving her broadsword mercilessly into the gem of a Fluorite who wailed in pain, dropping her mace and vanishing into a thousand shards. Blue stood still for a second, all the terrifying noises around her muted by her own internal conflict. She looked around, her eyes wide and filled with panic, trying to search for a familiar yellow gem amidst all the suffering she was unwillingly witnessing. A glint caught her eye, and she broke into a sprint, hurrying to the source of the reflecting light, one thought on her mind.

Find Yellow Diamond.

They were both cracked…

Both dying…

But if they were meant to die here they were going to die together, fighting for their last breath.

She was immediately blocked by a giant shard warrior in a shining armour suit, wielding an axe and glaring at her, baring its teeth. Blue glared back, her weapon on the ready, she charged straight into the beast, the force of her crazy stunt making the monster stumble backwards, giving her a chance. She wasted no time, stabbing the gem horribly with her deadly weapon until it shattered by the hands of the almost brutish Diamond. She panted, clutched her broadsword for support, and took another look at the battlefield, trying to concentrate. She could hear her own voice ringing in her ears, almost blocking out the shrieks of all those miserable victims.

She had to find Yellow.

She had to get to her Diamond. She had to get to Yellow before she got even more hurt than she already was. If she did, Blue wouldn't forgive herself, it was all her fault. She continued to dash here and there, searching for her only friend and desperately fighting, clinging to… Clinging to what? The next thought never formed because suddenly, an awful sound cut through all of her senses, rendering her frozen in terror. A shrill scream, louder and more pained than the others, shattered whatever energy she had. She looked around frantically, trying to find the gem who wailed and finally succeeding, although she had hoped for the otherwise. Her face turned into a mask of horror, seeing what, or most accurately who, was thrusting a sword straight through Yellow Diamond’s broken form, the blade going right into her head, spreading pain through her systems. Rose Quartz shook, from pain or anger, and then she turned her head towards the ground as Yellow’s form disintegrated into stardust, her gem falling to the rocky ground and remaining intact for now. Rose stared at it for a few seconds, the blade of her pink sword creating a claw-like shadow over the cracked gem. She almost seemed to be considering destroying Yellow, and had already sealed the armless gem’s fate. Yellow had no choice but to accept it, but Blue did not. She glared at Rose Quartz, who had turned around upon hearing somebody behind her, and Blue found herself staring at the leader of the rebels. Time stopped, and their eyes met, so Rose knew. She knew she was doomed but simply didn't care. Blue’s hands gripped the hilt of her broadsword with force that could shatter any lesser gem and her eyes narrowed, showing nothing but blind rage.

All sanity was lost.

***

The barn looked peaceful, the gaping hole in the ceiling giving a rather clear view of the sky. The yellow gem sat quietly in the middle of the archaic building, her gaze at the sky dull and hazy. She looked like she was hardly on the same plane of existence, her hands wrung each other absentmindedly, all while her entire form shook in a way that was hardly visible, making it look almost pitiful. Amethyst didn't expect to find her here, or at least awake at this time of night. Her sleeping habits were unusual; she slept at day, and haunted the area at nighttime, almost terrorizing every poor fellow who accidentally came across the barn. Shrugging, Amethyst tried a friendly approach.

“Hey.”

Yellow Diamond whipped her head towards Amethyst, so rudely jolted out of her daydreams and looking angry because of it. She looked like she was fighting back a temper tantrum and honestly, Amethyst didn't blame her. Seeing how exhausted and weak Yellow D looked, she fought back a wince. “You okay?”

This was answered by a mere “yeah.” Still, not a response satisfying our dear Amethyst. She walked inside, taking a seat on the wooden floor, giving the Diamond enough space so she wouldn't get swatted all the way to Neptune. Luckily, she didn't, but that still aroused some concerns. The dunked-on Diamond had actually stopped showing up the last few weeks, stopped getting out the last few days, and today, she hasn't said an entire sentence. Pearl said that they should probably leave her alone for a few days, considering the fact she has been through a lot. Amethyst thought that that was plain stupid. If she was upset then maybe they should comfort her or something, not leave her alone so she would feel even more angry than ever and want to trash Earth even more. All of a sudden, something escaped the Diamond’s throat.

It was a strange noise, something even Peridot hasn't thought of making. It sounded like a sigh mixed with a heavy whimper, Amethyst couldn't tell. She looked over at the yellow gem who, despite her composure, had managed to cry a single tear. “What's wrong?” Asked Amethyst in what was genuine concern although the Diamond had already reached up and wiped the tear away with the tip of an index finger. Yellow’s head was lifted by the question, but she didn't answer it nonetheless. Instead she looked up at the stars, but saw only one. Amethyst followed her gaze to the shining white diamond shaped star.

She knew what planet was that.

“Do you miss it?”

“A lot.”

It was the first thing that she said about Homeworld. Amethyst changed her location so that she sat right in front of the pale gem and looked up at her intensely. “Tell me about it.” Amethyst said,  “About Homeworld, before the war and all that jazz.” the look that was directed to her softened, and Yellow Diamond looked up again. “You're a kindergarten one, right?” She asked, although the answer was obvious. When the small quartz said nothing, Yellow took that as a sign to continue. “It was… It was beautiful. Nothing like the wasteland it is now. The gems there lived in peace and we ruled everyone but it wasn't as hard as it is right now though. Rose and I were friends, although the only thing that brought us together was that we both felt Pink was a little too spiteful. White wasn't the sick clod she is. Blue was…” She sniffed, apparently fighting the urge to cry again. “She was innocent. We all were. The war was the worst thing that has happened to us, being a Diamond is hell right now. Nobody listens to you for real, they just do what you say and act fake all the time. You aren't supposed to have feelings now. No one is supposed to. You can't be something special, they just call it sick names and make fun of you as you go everywhere branded as a…”

“Defect?”

Another sigh. “Yes.”

The silence in the air was thick like a two-storey cheesecake. Amethyst couldn't bring herself to break it and ask. “You're defective too?” She wanted to, but the words just wouldn't come out. They couldn't leave her throat, but she said something else instead. “It sounds great. I wish I could live there, you know, in the past.” A sympathetic “Me too” was said to her before the injured gem got up, helping Amethyst to her feet as well. Far on the horizon, the sun began to rise, erasing the navy darkness of the sky and replacing it with a dark orange hue. “Hey,” Amethyst asked hesitantly, “how do you know all that stuff about defects? Are... you a one too?” There was an unintentional razor blade stuck in that question. It cut up her tongue. Yellow Diamond stiffened for a second, not breathing for a long time, then she sucked in a breath, it made a loud and difficult noise. “I'd rather not talk about it.” She whispered, hanging her head and rubbing her arm with one hand.

Amethyst saw a distant fear simmering in the other's eyes, much like the one in Pearl's eyes when they first went into a full-fledged battle. The sight of her sent shivers down Amethyst’s spine, making her think. What on Earth were they doing to gems there? Has Homeworld really become that monstrous that even the ruler of one third of it was terrified because of it might do? But she pushed the question down, deep deep down until it was nothing but a sickening pit in the gears of her stomach, and she hated the way that felt.

“Yeah, sure thing.”

with that, Amethyst left. And Yellow Diamond stood there, staring at her retreating figure. She inwardly kicked herself for that, but she regretted making that small quartz feel so bad. She hoped she might get to comfort her if she made it through the night. Her gem hurt, her eyesight was weak, giving everything a heavy and dark red tint, her limbs could no longer keep her standing. It's almost as if she couldn't handle her own weight. She sighed, deciding she should probably go to sleep now. Every muscle in her body ached, and begged her for rest, even if it was temporary. She couldn't carry herself up to the loft inside the barn and said nothing, knowing that she would be considered ridiculous if she did. I mean, who talks to herself in the middle of dawn? No one she knew, for sure. She slipped into a far, dark corner, and curled up, trying to make herself comfortable although she was fairly disturbed by the silence.

She missed Grey.

She had become too tired to take care of the tiny kitten and decided she should probably give it to someone else to take care of it. It was painful, the farewell, that is, and she sincerely missed the feline's soft meows at the middle of the night. She remembered walking to the donut structure with Steven, holding Grey in her arms and wiping her tears.

***

_“I'm going to miss you.”_

_“Meow!”_

_Sadie stood behind the counter of the Big Donut alone while Lars was busy with his headsets at the back, and watched the strange transaction. Steven had a new magic person with him, and she was hugging a kitten, practically squishing the life out of the little thing, and crying terribly. Oh, and she was so yellow she actually looked sick, but Sadie has learned a long time ago just not to ask about Steven’s family or guardians, whatever they were. She had accidentally offended a green colored person a few days ago, the one with the triangular hair, when she mentioned it reminded her of a potato chip, and chose not to ask questions about them anymore. Steven approached the counter, smiling as soon as he turned and the girl, whoever she was, couldn't see his face anymore. He grinned at Sadie._

_“Yellow’s pretty attached to Grey, sorry if she’s making too much noise.”_

_Sadie rolled her eyes and leaned back in her chair. “Everyone makes noise, Steven. Especially if they live in Beach City. I mean really, why does everything happen here?”_

_“Because it's a great place!” Wrong answer Steven._

_Who Sadie assumed was Yellow moved closer to the counter and put the kitten on it, turning around and running outside to the porch as she blocked her ears. “She wants to make it quick.” Steven said, holding back laughter. Sadie smiled as he laughed, Steven sure had a talent to lighten everyone's mood. She looked outside and saw that the sun was about to set. “Alright, closing time.” No reply. “I said CLOSING TIME LARS!”_

_Lars burst out of the breck room and danced around Steven and Sadie, raving to a wild tune on his headsets and going outside, where he was so unexpectedly zapped by Steven’s magic friend. “Listen to her, dude!” She yelled, throwing up her arms for emphasis. “Whatever ‘closing time’ is, it's bound to be important. Yeesh, no wonder so many humans are bloody rebels.” Lars glared at her before turning around and leaving. Sadie took the cat and exited the Big Donut with Steven who offered to hold Grey while she closed the shop.“You know,” Sadie said as she turned the key. “You shouldn't have been so harsh to Lars.” The blonde looked up, obviously surprised although her hair hid her eyes and in Sadie’s opinion, she desperately needed a haircut. “But wasn't he questioning your authority? I mean, you're his superior. Isn't that a crime here, or that planet even more disordered than I thought?” This brought a laugh out of Sadie, and she sat down on the front step once she was done. “If questioning your authority was a crime, everyone would be in prison. No, it's not. And trust me, having a disordered planet is a lot better than a perfect one.” “And how is that?” She askes, skeptic. “Well,” Sadie began, but she was cut off by the sound of Steven’s cell phone ringing. He picked it up and answered it. “Hey Dad. What? I'm at the Big Donut. What? Really? I'll be right there!” He hung up, beaming. “Sorry, I gotta go, Dad’s got me a new Invisible Guy! Hey Yellow, you can find your own way back to the barn right?” She was blinking for a few seconds, her eyes wide. The poor thing looked overwhelmed. “I.. Uh…” But Steven had already ran off. Her gaze remained focused on the place where he was standing, her jaw hanging slightly open. “Eh.” She looked back at her feet, hugging her knees. “You know, I'll wait here. You go to your own archaic human settlement. Steven will probably come back, or not. It’s easy… I think.” She was shivering, and looked nervously around her._

_Sadie offered her a sympathetic look. “Don't worry, it happens to everyone.” A few moments later and she was shaking full on. This drew a few concerned glances form the other. “Hey.” Sadie asked, “you okay?” Without a warning, Yellow jumped up in fright, yelling. “Look, I'm sorry but I've lived in one room My Entire LIFE AND EVERYTHING IS SO DIFFERENT NOW, IT'S SCARY!”_

_Fear of open spaces, of all the terrors. “Hey, relax.” Sadie said, raising her hands. “There's nothing scary in open spaces.” The blonde was huddled up and managed to bare her toothy fangs at Sadie as she continued to shiver. “Oh, that what they ALL say before the ground comes and EATS THEM UP!”_

_“The ground comes?”_

_“Oh FOR STARS SAKE!”_

_“You're really weird.”_

_“Well fine! Tell me what isn't scary about being all alone in the wilderness!”_

_“For starters,” Sadie began. “You're not in the wilderness, and you're not alone. Plus why did you have to live in one room all your life? It's not good for you even if you were a strange kind of person.”_

_She grumbled something._

_“What?”_

_“Gem. I'm a gem. I'm from space.”_

_Oh. My. God._

_“So Steven is raised by magical space ladies?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“And you too?”_

_“No, I'm injured and that's why they kept me. I fought against his mother for a thousand years and lost.” She said, rolling her eyes. “I know, what a screwup I am.”_

_Sadie blinked. Alright. That was a lot of information to sort through. Steven was raised by aliens? Almost? She shook her head, it doesn't matter. Steven was still the nice guy he always was. It doesn't matter if he came from space, partially. She sat down next to the gem and looked overwhelmed, sighing awkwardly. “That’s a lot to go through.” She said, looking over at the gem whose eyes were downcast. “Must've been hard to fight for a thousand years and lose.”_

_“I got beaten up over it a billion times.” She hangs her head. “You're a failure, get some guts.” She growls, shaking her head. “Make yourself useful and stop being such a pain.” She clutches her head in both hands. Sadie can almost feel sorry for her, although she was sounding like the bad guy. Really, nobody deserved to be called a failure and yelled at their whole life. It's not fair, no matter how much evil you had in the confines of your soul._

_“Who said that?”_

_No answer._

_“Well, it's not true.”_

_Yellow glares at the floor, her eyes burning wildly. “What makes you say that?” She says, gripping her arms roughly. “I don't deserve sympathy.”_

_“It's not sympathy. Whoever said that is bound to be an idiot. No one is supposed to get that kind of treatment, no matter how many times they mess up.”_

_Yellow’s eyes widened once more as she looked straight at Sadie, trying to see whatever she was lying or not, then she saw the distant figure of an approaching Steven. She smiled. “You're a very wise one, Sadie human.”_

_“Uh, thank you?”_

_“Don't think about it.”_

***

She closed her eyes.

_I'm so tired._

She tried to fit herself in a sleeping position, attempting to finally get some rest. She looked over all the objects in the barn one last time as she usually did, and caught a strange reflection in the mirror next to the door that Peridot has moved here earlier that day. She looked at the reflection and felt herself dozing off, as the strange reflection eyes her and grins.

_No way…_

The unmistakable silhouette of Blue Diamond stared at her from the mirror, smiling.

She slept, and dreamt. Dreamt of a familiar planet, dreamt of a Pearl who stood idle continuously, dreamt of a azure gem who took her breath away by something as simple as a smile or a laugh.

She slept, the silhouette watching over her.


	12. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I trusted you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: next chapter contains detailed depictions of gem death.

Softness.

It was the only thing you could feel. A delicate blue fabric stretched out as far as you could see, turning your entire world into a peaceful azure dream. Your hands attempted movement but failed, leaving your completely limp as your eyes pleaded to close indefinitely and your mind begged to slip back into the dark emptiness of sleep. you couldn't afford it, and every single aching muscle in your trembling form was aware of it. Why did everything hurt, you had no idea, but hoped that it would pass soon, along with all your exhaustion. As time passed on you unfortunately discovered that, that was only your dizziness meddling with your consciousness. In other words, you weren't dreaming. As your eyes adjusted to the muted lightning, you recognized the place, and felt a certain confusion upon discovering where you was. A hand began stroking your pointed hair gently, moving down to rest on the side of your face, and taking care not to accidentally touch any of your bruises and vaguely visible scars while doing so. The confusion and any doubts you had have been demolished, lost as your hazy conscious relished in its discovery, feeling content for the first time in ages. You knew very well where you were, and wanted to sigh in relief, but had no breath.

You was back in Blue’s chamber.

When.

Why.

It didn't matter anymore.

The love of your life was now leaning over, looking directly at you or more correctly, through you. You could see those electric blue eyes, wishing you could stare at them forever. Alas, you could not, but a gem could dream, so what right is there in preventing a Diamond? None. Blue Diamond gave you a comforting look, her hand moving to stroke your yellow hair once more. “Shh.” She said, her voice as quiet as your ragged breathing. “Don't move, you're hurt.”

Well, I can't argue with that. You thought.

You remained like this for a few hours, just relaxing and in Blue’s case, watching. All the questions and doubts (those that have seemed so important before) were now put aside, as you and her, the pair of almost flawless Diamonds basked in the pleasure of each other’s company and said nothing for a long time, although Blue did seem a bit uneasy during all of this, but she didn't say anything at all until she knelt next to your bed, her eyes filling with… tears? Why was she crying? Then realization struck you, like a punch in the face. “I'm so sorry. You… I couldn't save you. I tried to. I tried to get her to stop. I tried forcing her… But she was so angry, and hateful, and… That hatred consumed me as well. I'm so sorry, I know it wasn't your fault.” You try to say something, but all that comes out is a hoarse whimper. You're too weak to speak, but you manage to reach out and touch her hand, trying to comfort her like you did so many times. Her eyes downcast, she holds your palm in both hands, trying to resist the urge to cry. You can see it. You can see the pain and know that this was it. White has lost it again, taking out her rage on your form. It was all because of the war. It was all because of Rose dammed Quartz. Blue’s voice cuts through your inner accusations and you are brought back to reality with a jolt, realizing how foolish you have been. You were always not good enough. Never worth it.

“She's angry.”

I know.

“She thinks it's your fault.”

It was, I shouldn't lie.

“Pink didn't die because of you, Yellow.”

No. She did.

“Don't blame yourself.” Her eyes look up to you, and you force a strained smile.

You would always do.

***

Footsteps. Peridot walks into the barn, wondering where was that noise coming from. A continuous faint tapping. Peridot walks further into the vague darkness at the back of the barn, an area she hadn't visited ever she had first had seen the place, and sees a figure curled up at a corner. She approached the figure and noticed that it was Yellow Diamond. Obviously.

But she looked especially not awful. No, she did look awful but at a higher degree than the usual awful. She looked like she had been crying and her hands had some strange teeth marks on them, as if she’s been biting the hell out of her fingers (which, for your information, she was really doing so) and she was shaking. A lot. Peridot looked at her, and immediately winced. When she saw her, however, Yellow curled up even tighter, trying to hide any other marks she has made in case it was still worth it. The faint tapping was caused by her head banging shortly against the wall, in addition to a fist that was shaking so hard it began tapping against the wooden floor. “Hey. Hey, Yellow, talk to me.” Peridot tried, holding one of her hands and gently tugging on it. She raised her head and looked at her, and she saw why she was so scared. Her eyes had dulled completely, turning absolute jet black. If she focused hard enough, Peridot would've noticed tiny prickly dots of dark acid yellow in the center of each corrupt eye, but they weren't enough to give her any ability of sight. That was it. Peridot realized in growing fear. That's why she's been avoiding them. She's been trying to protect them. The corruption has been spreading in her body ever since she’s been cracked. And now, it has reached a critical stage.

She has gone absolutely blind.

“I- I.. C-can't see.” Her voice is hardly a whisper, and it’s full of agony. She clutches at Peridot’s shoulders, and Peridot can feel the violent vibrations course over to her own form, making her shake badly. “P-Peri… P-Peridot...W-wh-wha-at’s...ha-p-pening….ha-ppening t-t-to m-e?” She manages, trembling roughly and causing Peridot to shake herself. “You… Y-ou knoww… d.. D-do- s-someth..ing.. Ple-e-ase… I d-d-don’t… want-t to… die…”

The last three letters of all what she said hung in the air like an executed convict. Peridot held the other’s shoulders back, trying to calm her down so she wouldn't speed up the process. It always went like this. The gem would get cracked and spend a few days like this, then the corruption would begin to get the best of her. She would slowly and painfully die over the course of an hour or two, lose her physical form, and regenerate as a monster. Peridot knew that there was only one way to stop it and that was by getting her gem healed fast. Frankly, Peridot was surprised that Yellow Diamond had actually managed to hold her cracked gem together for an entire month, she doubted sometimes if the Diamond would even reach the first phase of corruption. The other's form began to glitch and Peridot really wanted to scream because it was just too horrible, seeing the Diamond’s form spike and break, and hear her whimpered pains as she slowly lost all ability to hang on to life, and slowly collapsed in Peridot’s arms, which, like the rest of her body, were rooted to the spot by the intense fear running through her veins. She suddenly was able to move again once she realized that Yellow was vibrating continuously and her body has reached a state of coldness, that her temprature could easily be under minus twenty, the coldest temperature that Peridot has ever experienced. Adrenaline rushed through her form, as she immediately tried to get hold of the other’s arms and drag her to the warp pad. She took hold of those shaking wrists and began to pull, her little strength unable to get the job done. She was only able to get Yellow out of the barn which was a little better than nothing before she was plainly exhausted, then she started yelling at the top of her voice, trying to get someone’s attention. “Steven! Amethyst! Garnet! Pearl!”

No answer.

She growled, yelling again, trying helplessly to just be useful for once, to save the life of her previous commander. At least, she was useful like that, and Yellow didn't deserve to die like this, it was the most disgusting way one could perish in, being a monster and being forced to become a shell of what you used to be. The night was silent, but she could hear something in the distance, somebody was running towards them, they were saved. Something gripped her shirt violently and she looked down.

Holy smokes.

What the hell was happening to this Diamond?

She was as pale as she could be, but her gem was getting darker and darker, the cracks widening and causing the terrible slow corruption of the gemstone. It looked as if it was attempting to suck the life out of her, and judging by her looks, it was succeeding. The only noise she could make was an weak gasp, and nothing more. On her face was the most horrified look of pain Peridot has ever seen, her eyes wide and tearful.

She was so afraid,

But how could you not fear death?

“Peridot!” The figure has reached them now, and Peridot could gratefully see it was Garnet. She looked at them both, her eyes hidden behind her shades but still, Peridot could guess that she was scared by all what was happening. Without a word she picked up the shivering gem and stared at Peridot.

“We need to get to the fountain.”

They began to run, Peridot twitching herself now. She wanted to ask. She wanted to know if it was possible. She couldn't even see where they were going, the broken Diamond was shaking in Garnet's arms, mumbling a few faint words. “Don't say that.” Garnet said softly to her as they stood on the warp pad. “You're going to be okay.” Peridot would say that if she believed it, but she didn't and neither did Garnet. They were trying helplessly to comfort her, to give her one sad reason to hang on to life, although she was going to…

Peridot couldn't even think of the word.

A few seconds later, they were standing on the warp of Rose’s fountain. Garnet rushed forward, her arms shivering slightly now, and Peridot followed numbly behind. Garnet was about to reach the water when the gem in her arms screamed. She’s screaming right now, Peridot’s mind filled with it. She’s screaming too loud. She clawed at anything she could claw at, and Peridot couldn't watch anymore. She turned around, blocking her nonexistent ears and trying to block out the dying noises echoing in the void of her mind. There was a splash, and silence. A heavy deep silence. Peridot stopped deafening herself to turn around and listen. She saw Garnet picking up the waterlogged Diamond and setting her on the ground, her face grim. Peridot looked over and her heart dropped, staring at the gemstone in the other's chest, feeling a dreadful pain overcome her.

It didn't work.

It really didn't work.

The gem was still fatally cracked. Yellow’s already shallow breathing became even more ragged and weak, her limbs turning ice cold and shaking uncontrollably. Her blind eyes looked over to Garnet, wide open but seeing nothing. Peridot gripped her pointed shoulders, her eyes brimming with tears. “Don't do this. Don't die on me, come on! You're stronger than this, Yellow!” It was the first time Peridot had used her name, not daring to before. The other drew a loud, shakey breath in response. “Please don't do this! Please! I believed in you.” She sobbed, “I still believe in you, please you've got to make it!” Peridot was crying full on now, tears running down her face. “Not just for me, for everyone else! For Steven! For Blue! Oh, stars. Please don't die, please, oh, please, I'm begging you!” Peridot’s tearful eyes widened. Yellow was trying to speak. She struggled to say something, trying to say her last words.

“I…. I-....”

“What?” Peridot asked, her eyes filling with tears once more. “You're what?”

“S-... S-sor-ry…”

“Huh?!”

She let out her breath one last time, her soul slipping away with it.

“...Blue…”

Her breathing stopped. She stopped shivering. She went completely limp..

Peridot stared at her.

Cracked.

Gone.

Dead.

 

Silence,

And then, she disappeared into stardust.

 

_**But It’s not over yet.** _

The gemstone on the stony ground of Rose’s fountain shook slightly as the two gems stared at it, eyes wide and full of tears. One actually slipped out of Garnet's left eye. They were still, not knowing if they should bubble it or if they are even supposed to touch it. The cracks in its reflective surface caused a sick twist to happen in their stomachs, as they stretched all across its surface and even going inward, making it appear as if might shatter to the touch. Peridot was silent,  her tears falling freely and her hands balled into fists, clawing at thin air. “It didn't work.” She managed, her voice shattering the thin silence between them that was usually interrupted by a faint hiccuping or sniffing from either one of them, trying helplessly to hold in the emotions and prevent them from welling and overflowing. Like everything else, it was useless. Peridot was picked up by a familiar pair of hands, then she was taken to the warp pad, both crying terribly and wiping their eyes. As they stood there, they caught the sharp yellow glint of the supposedly deceased gem.

“Are we going to leave her there?”

“We have no other choice.”

They disappeared in a clash of light blue energy, both inwardly regretting their decision.

On the floor, Yellow’s gem remained still, but the thin sharp cracks began slowly to heal, the bright light sealing the wounds perfectly, leaving no scars to indicate they have ever existed. In the darkness, the gem glowed slightly, healing all cracks across the broken surface and leaving only one, an internal one that ran from corner to corner, almost dividing the gem completely, but still. That was always there, the facet always hid it, and if it weren't for that one crack, there would've been a chance of survival, a chance to live. Among the running waters and the weeping statues, the shadows left a cold aura, making the place get the air of a graveyard. Well, it was, almost. As time went on, darkness fell over the fountain, leaving the world stuck in a trance of sorrow and pain, mourning one of the greatest leaders of the Homeworld, one who made mistakes and had flaws, but that was the reason behind her greatness, when the others pretended to be perfects, this one chose not to carry the name. Even if she did, she would live as a hypocrite, and that. That alone, would cause her death. She didn't know of the gems coming to Earth, or of the war that was soon to come, or the pain this event would cause, or even of the insane war crime she would commit, but that didn't matter. Inside that gem was a faint hint of a life, not clinging, not trying, but simply idle. There was nothing left to fight or to fight for, but a few selected words kept crossing her mind. Defect, monster, failure. She was choking again but not from death. Inside her prison the world screamed at her, but nothing was heard, leaving her to wonder what it was saying. The broken fragments of her mind were trying to piece themselves together but with no avail, leaving her to curl up like she did so many times, hide all alone because everything was so dark. She tried to speak, to voice her pain, but nothing came out, although it felt like it should have. No form to live, no gem to have, nothing but splinters of thoughts shoved together like a cluster experiment. In a last attempt, she opened her mouth in a silent scream. Everything was cold. So cold. The shivering mold of her old self was not enough. Nothing was enough. The pain cut paths through her form and broke her into a billion pieces, shoving her back together. It was playing with her, simply because it had nothing else to play with. She felt the wounds heal but the pain was still there, the voice clear inside the void of her mind. It sounded like a voice she had heard so many times when she had something similar to a life, mocking her, disturbing her, making her last moments ones of suffering.

She lived as a defect,

And will die as one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of Arc one.  
> Comments/reviews may save Yellow Diamond.


	13. The (impossible) Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A good beginning is better than a good end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your amazing reviews!  
> Achievement Unlocked: (Giraffe Saver.) You just saved a very popular giraffe.  
> Thank you again!

Amethyst recognized the dead atmosphere. It was always like this whenever something bad happened, but now it was terribly heavy, as if it was intent on drowning them in their own sadness. She’s been searching for Pearl, who had disappeared a few hours ago, and Amethyst was sent by Garnet to check on her. Amethyst entered the strangely silent beach house, her look passing all the furniture and random objects that lay uncleaned on the floor. If Pearl was here, or if she was herself, she would've tried to clean up a little, or organize a few disordered areas. The fact that she has left the house in such a messy state made Amethyst’s chest tighten. She didn't want to feel angry or sad but she felt both, remembering the reason of all their pain. She walked to the bathroom, and heard a sniffling sound coming from inside, as if someone was crying in there. She opened the door slowly, blinking as her eyes got used to the darkness inside. Pearl was sitting on the floor, her hands balled into fists, and she was crying, tears running down her face and mangling with the top of her outfit. She didn't turn to face Amethyst, which worried the quartz even more. She walked up to Pearl who still stared dead ahead, her eyes wide and unblinking.

“Garnet wants us to be there. She’s worried about you.”

“Yeah, sure.” Her voice was hoarse from her previous screaming fit, supposedly. “Give me a few hundred years.”

Amethyst didn't know if she was joking or serious. Honestly, they all needed some time, but Pearl knew they couldn't afford standing still for such a long time. Not even a few hours. And if that was a joke then that was something sick to joke about. Pearl spoke again, her voice a lot quieter now, although it still had the same destructive effect on her nerves. “Do you still even think about… Her?”

“Yeah.” It was all what she could think of. If Amethyst focused hard enough, she could remember how her voice sounded like. If she thought if it, she could remember every single defect in her form. It was insane, but it was natural. After all, it all happened so fast.

“Pearl, come on. You gotta do this. It'll be just for a few hours. Keep a straight face, like this.” Amethyst stood in front of her, showing her how exactly a straight face looked like. Pearl tried to pull one, but immediately her eyes filled with tears, her shoulders shook, and she caused Amethyst to cry as well. They both held one another in a tight embrace, Pearl crying haphazardly and Amethyst cursing the awful feelings that not only hurt Pearl, but caused her to hurt as well. They stayed like this for a few hours, until their hearts were cried out and their tears were dry. Amethyst helped Pearl up to her feet, the other hung on to her the whole time. The sky was filled with grey clouds that erased any trace of sunlight, making it look like night instead of afternoon. It had rained earlier, but now the depressing blanket simply hung over the city, making everything seem a little too gloomy. They walked to the area surrounding the barn, finding Garnet there with Peridot and Steven. The half-gem boy chose to stay, knowing fully that his presence was disagreed upon. Garnet looked around at them both, eyes hidden behind her shades and face expressionless. “It’s coming closer.” She said, looking back at the horizon. Sure enough, a distant figure was approaching, limping and stumbling more than once. The figure had familiar hair, familiar outfit, familiar gem.

They wanted it to be real.

But there was no way of knowing but to wait.

***

_“Open your eyes.”_

She was inside a dark abyss, sinking, submerged to her waist. All around her, glistening forms spiked from a single abomination, writhed and wailed, trying helplessly to form, to piece themselves back together. Shadowy chains were attached to her wrists, pulling her downwards. She opened her eyes for a second, then closed them once again, too terrified to look anymore. She shook in the cold confines of this black prison, trying to wake up. She hung her head, looking at where the chains were pulling her into. Nothing was visible anymore, not even her own form. She trembled in fright. What was this place? Just then, a clawlike arm stretched from somewhere behind her, gripping her hair and yanking her head up, forcing her to look again. _“You did this.”_ An icy, spiteful voice said from somewhere in this dark void. _“Look at it.”_

She refused to open her eyes, she was too afraid of this monster which was mustering all of it's strength to come closer, just close enough so it could cut her to ribbons.

_“I SAID LOOK AT IT!”_

Her wide, terrified eyes met thousands of other wide, terrified eyes. But there was a hint of fury in there as well. They knew, that she as the one who did this to them.

The hand registered, so did the voice.

White Diamond stood above her, now completely risen from the shadows, and glared at her, hand pulling her head even more roughly, snapping her neck so she can stare up at the looming nightmarish Diamond. _“Are you happy now? There it is. Your precious Cluster.”_

Her trembling turned from slight to violent.

_“You're going to join them now. Isn't that what you wanted?”_

She started to cry. Begging. She didn't want to end like this. She really didn't. All of that was a mistake, every single bit of it. “I… I-I do-n't… Want t-to… Please...”

_“Oh, but you already did.”_

Her eyes became wide. Suddenly, the chains became hands, thousands of hands clawing up her form pulling her even deeper. She screamed, voiceless, then was completely submerged in the void, drowning. The darkness engulfed her as she sank deeper and deeper inside the shadowy ocean, rushing inside and filling every cavity of her body. When it had no more room, it began to create room for itself, ripping, shredding, cutting. She felt herself disintegrate, as the remaining darkness curled around her gem, slowly crushing it to bits. She could see the faint silhouette of Blue Diamond, a dark shadow with bright electric blue eyes and an intact glowing gem, a gazing at her from across the emptiness.

Her voice tore through the unnerving silence.

_“Are you really going to give up?”_

Words formed in her nonexistent throat.

“No.”

The dreamscape shatters, leaving her all alone in the cold, real world. Still, it's a lot better than this… Thing. The details rip through her consciousness, as she remembered Blue’s words.

She was more than this.

She was more than a tragic victim to this world.

Like one great gem once asked, when does something that is more feared than death, a new terror that strikes the world, sends the ships in our Homeworld toppling to their end? The answer to this question is as terrifying as reading it, because she now knew what was more feared than death. Surviving it.

Sometimes one fears her, despite those who claim the opposite. Fears the cursed flaw in her form, the one that cannot be fixed. The one known as defection. Defects, a strange word. She wondered secretly if it could change somehow, although all evidence stated that it couldn't. Defects were a disgrace on Homeworld, and they were proved to be useless. This was pure foolishness, and she knew it. She knew very well that she and all those others weren't useless. The only way to make sure was to try, try as hardest as she can, hoping that her willpower will defeat pure confirmed facts. The world was waiting, all was still, waiting for her to make her choice.

She opened her eyes.

Life. Something that confuses one, so one does never think about. A sad fact, but a fact nonetheless. Pure nonsense can sometimes compete with the brilliant discoveries of the world’s greatest thinkers, knowing that it was impossible. That is never a problem, not for a gem. Look at the fact that said, the gemstone, after death, cannot be brought back.

Look at her.

She is full living proof of how wrong this fact is.

She tries to move her arms, then hands. They respond as expected, and she raises them up so she can see them. Her familiar hands. Nothing has changed, although she feels as if something should have. She gets up, shakily, on unsteady feet, and relishes in this small achievement. She looks around her, trying to take in how did she end up in this bizarre place, and sees a warp pad not far from where she stands. A smile crosses her face, and she limps over to the pad, still not used completely to her new form that was reformed in a rush. Something flashes through her mind. Peridot. She stops for a second, thinking. They think she’s dead. This arouses some doubts. They would've bubbled her, they should've bubbled her, then why did they leave her on the rocky floor, completely able to regenerate? She could've given up completely, if it weren't for that strange dream… She could've decided to vanish and a monstrous creature would have been in her place now. So why did they leave her be?  A broken thought appears in the back of her mind, and she rolls her eyes at the idea of it. No, a Diamond is too strong and risky to go corrupt. Although she would've.

She really would have.

“Don't think about it.” Her voice was also the same. A sporadic shiver runs down her spine. “Yeah,” she says out loud. “Go to warp first.” She continues her unsteady movement towards the gem transportation device, some of her multiple joints clicking in the process. She must've regenerated in an unconscious state, leaving her limbs incredibly stiff. She thinks of what happened in that strange dream, wondering if it even was a dream altogether. It had felt so real, and she would've sworn it was. She shakes her head, thinking of how did all the gems in her world were shattering, toppling to their deaths. She climbs onto the warp pad, closing her eyes. The Crystal Gems didn't believe in her, Peridot didn't believe in her. So, who knew she had the strength? Who knew that she was bound to survive?

 _“I always know you can.”_ Blue.

“SHUT UP!”

She curled up, clutching her hair in anger.

Yellow was excessively full of her.

Five weeks have passed, five weeks since she was gone.

Five weeks and she still didn't notice?!

Who knows, maybe she did.

“And didn't come for me?”

The question hung in the air, unanswered.

Curse this. Such a world never gave this Diamond a break, although she really needed one. She just needed to go back to Steven and the rest, then things were to work themselves out. How can all this go wrong? She thought, warping away. She had no idea that it did, while this was all happening, something had formed along with her. Inside this poor gem, something horrible was unraveling. Slow, painful, evil.

The threat was still there.

***

The figure had gotten dangerously close. Garnet stood at the front of the small group of gems and one half-gem, choosing to be on the front line. She knew that it was impossible for this to be Yellow Diamond. After all, she and Peridot had seen her die. She looked to the side, her eyes meeting Peridot’s big goopy ones that goopily spoke a clear goopy message.

That’s gonna suck.

The unknown gem was getting closer, and then reached the barn, receiving gasps from Pearl, Garnet, Peridot, and Amethyst. Steven just grinned. “Yellow! You're back!” He went up and hugged the pale gem who ruffled his curly hair absently.

“Hey Steven.” Yellow Diamond, in all her freakish glory, stood in front of the gem bundle, grinning.

Grinning.

Pearl fainted, followed by Amethyst who dropped flat on her face. “How did she make it?!” They thought, the remaining members of them staring in utter shock that didn’t last for long. In fact, as soon as Steven let the Diamond go, Peridot jumped up and tackled her into the floor, blubbering.

“YOU INSEPARABLE IDIOT! YOU STUPID CLOD! YOU FREAKING DIED RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FREAKING EYES! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, HUH?! I CRIED OVER YOU!” She yelled, taking fistfuls of the other's shirt and shaking her back and forth and back and forth and back and forth until the gem was dizzy enough to throw up stomach acid.

“N-nice to see you too…” She managed, but was cut off by Garnet who took Peridot’s leap of accusation as a sign for her to do her own shaking. She went up and lifted Yellow in the air along with Peridot who was still hanging on to her shirt. “Are you freaking insane? You nearly turned into dirt! You were three seconds from shattering! You were off chasing stardust! You made us all freak out, even Steven! If you ever tried something like that again I’ll punch you myself!” She paused for a second, then spoke again, in a much lower and softer tone. “We were so worried about you. We thought that you… Died.”

“S-sorry…” Gulp. “... I don’t feel so good though…”

The two Crystal Gems immediately dropped her on the floor, then apologized. In the meantime Steven was waking up Pearl and Amethyst, who were groggily wiping their eyes and trying to get up. “I had the craziest nightmare ever.” Pearl said, “Yellow Diamond was alive and she was still tiny and she was grinning like a freak.” Amethyst said nothing, but pointed a finger at the Diamond who laughed. Pearl, as usual, started squawking all over the place. **_“Ohmystarsshesbackbuthowgarnetsaidshewouldntbutstillthisissoohmystars!!”_ ** She was hopping all over the place. Amethyst, who was snapped out of her trance by Yellow’s quite squeaky laughter rolled her eyes at Pearl after giving the Diamond a high five as a welcome gesture.

“Hey P, we can't speak squawk.”

This comment caused Pearl to stop short and redirect her squawking to Amethyst’s face. Steven started to laugh as well when Amethyst shapeshifed into a Pearl-bird and started squawking too. At the moment, most of the gems were either laughing or causing laughter while Garnet stood there and smiled. This went a lot better than her future vision had said, but future vision had proved itself incapable to predict anything with Yellow Diamond involved. Maybe that's why the scene was so hazy. She looked over at the Diamond who was kneeling on the ground, trying to catch her breath, one hand planted firmly into the grass for support. “Glad to be back.” She said, smiling at Garnet although she looked as exhausted as she could get. “Give me a sec. I'm gonna…” She lied down on the grass, panting. “Just lie down. Oh stars.” She said, rolling onto her side and clutching her chest violently. “Dying sure does suck. I feel like dirt. Except that dirt feels a… A lot better… Than… Me...” Steven sat down next to her, his hand doing one thumbs up as he said: “It’s going to be okay, you're really tough. I'm sure you're gonna be running around chasing Dot in no time.”

Peridot could be heard, yelling from somewhere. “Please don't!”

Yellow gave him a shaky nod of approval. Pearl stopped squawking to move over so she could also sit next to the exhausted heap of Diamond and offer a comforting hair rub. “How did you get here? Peridot said you were left at the fountain.” She gave Peridot a look of annoyance, while the worn out pile tiredly answered.

“... Warp…”

“But the warp pad in the house wasn't activated, and the other nearest one is a hundred miles away!”

“A h-... Hundred and... T-twenty….”

“How did you know?”

“Ran.” That last word took a tangible breath of air.

Pearl looked aghast. “ALL THE WAY TILL HERE?”

Frantic nodding.

“Whoa.” Amethyst said, kneeling next to Pearl. “Steven’s right. You're super tough, D. Or Y, or YD. Hey I actually like this one!” She laughed, giving Yellow a friendly shoulder punch that hurt a little, although it was too incredibly soft to be called an actual punch. Not that she actually let it show, of course.

“It could be your initials though.” Peridot piped up.

Now that she was at his same level, Steven went up and hugged the Diamond again. “We're all glad you're back.” He said. Soon he was joined by all of the other gems, who were squeezing the remaining air out of her. When they split, Yellow managed to grin again although it seemed as if she was doing it a bit too many times, trying to assure Pearl who was still blabbering about how on Earth did she overexert herself by running a hundred and twenty miles nonstop, while Amethyst was shapeshifting into a Peridot and faking a terrified escape from a nonexistent Yellow Diamond.

Everything is fine now, Yellow thought, closing her eyes and trying to relax. But she couldn't. In the darkness of her mind, a familiar form stared back at her from the shadows. Electric blue eyes.

Since when did the Earth become associated with her?

“Go away.” She muttered, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Are you okay?” It was Garnet, leaning over her. She looked up at Garnet and a revolting flashback shot through her eyesight. She blinked it away. “Yeah.” She said, shivering. “I'm just tired.” Garnet wasn't convinced. All what she said was a “hmm” that was skeptical at best.

She would be interrogated about it later by Garnet, she thought, crossing her arms, and continuing to stare at the occurring events that were of no interest to her. A day or two and she would be up and running like nothing happened. She was bothered by this interest in her. They had no reason to care. She was a Diamond. The sworn enemy of Rose Quartz, their leader. Why did they try to save her? It's not necessary. They could've destroyed her gem when she was poofed. They said they needed to help her because she was cracked and needed help. So she was injured. Who cares? It wasn't like she was vital to the survival of this team, so why did they worry?

Why do they care?

_“I’ll give you a reason, Yellow.”_

_“FEAR.”_


	14. Spill It.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Crystal Gems set off on the drill mission, Steven decides to take matters into his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys!  
> This fanfic is far from over.  
> In fact, I have a WHOLE NEW ARC written,  
> It will include about 20 chapters (roughly)  
> There might be edits.  
> New chapters will be posted every weekend, unless something interrupts my schedule.  
> Thank you.

The wind blew gently at the vast fields, playing with the loose ends of her uniform. Yellow Diamond stood against the rear wall of the barn, arms crossed and eyes closed, making her look as if she had fallen asleep there and no one had the courtesy to wake her up. She was quiet, deep in thought, when Steven’s familiar form appeared nearby, and he, of course, didn't fail to notice her. He made his way over to her, wading through the junk and tall grass that covered the ground like a thick blanket. He looked at her for a few seconds, apparently trying to figure out whatever she was awake or not, and smiled when she opened her eyes lazily and stared out at the horizon. “Hey.” Steven said, moving closer and leaning against the barn wall too. Her eyes moved at an extremely slow pace, taking a good five seconds to appropriately notice him. He spoke again, trying to make conversation ever since he was fairly worried about her, but she always seemed too preoccupied to notice or not quick enough to. The barn had become her temporary home for now, although Steven and Amethyst did catch her staring up at Homeworld’s galaxy more than once, a wishful look in her eyes and a strange twitch in her hands.

“Why are you always here?”

Another ten minutes till she answered, she was probably a bit slow today. Not a surprise, she nearly died just a few days ago. If she had just woken up, Steven wouldn't be surprised at all. After all she did have a habit of passing out in strange locations. In the bathroom, in Steven's closet, hanging from a beam near the loft, and once she was napping under his bed although he had no idea how she managed to squeeze herself in there. She laid down on the grass in one fluid motion, her head crooked in a strange angle to remain staring at the boy, and the rest of her limply splayed out in one awkward position, making her look like a toy someone had leant against the wall and forgotten about later. For a second, it looked like Yellow had fainted already until she spoke in such a quiet voice that Steven had to lean forward so he could hear.

“It's peaceful.”

“So?”

A sigh, and one  long  inhale. She looked extremely tired, maybe because she stayed up late with the gems yesterday. Steven and Yellow were all alone at the barn today. The Crystal Gems had gone on the drill journey to stop the cluster, and Peridot was accompanying them as a support technician. Steven and The One Third Of Everything were unable to join them for multiple reasons. Steven’s organic form was incapable of handling such heavy pressure, and Yellow was simply unfit for this mission, considering she was flat on her face and drooling when they said so, and that she was wobbly, prone to fainting and zoning out the entire week.

“To someone like me,” pause, and she stares at nothing again. “Peace is rare.”

“Oh.”

“What is that……... supposed to mean?”

“Someone like you. You mean a Diamond.”

“Muhhaa-ahhh….”

“What was that?”

Snoring.

Steven sighed, looking sadly at the sleeping gem. He really didn't want to drag her back to the barn no matter how comical it might be, simply because he didn't want to wake her up after she had fallen asleep. From what Garnet said yesterday, she seemed to be having trouble sleeping caused by some strange nightmares. It was obvious from all angles, she was pale and exhausted, she had trouble focusing for a long time, and except for the slow steady movement of her chest as she breathed in and out, she looked almost dead. Steven thought about leaving her to sleep outside, but felt a bit guilty doing so. He couldn't take her to the barn because she was simply too heavy (and of course, he meant no offense) for him to carry and he couldn't get Garnet to pick her up like usual because she was on the drill a couple thousand meters underground. In the end he just sat next to her, trying to see what on Earth was she so interested in. Night was already beginning to fall, painting the sky a beautiful navy mixed with a few hints of a dark orange aura surrounding the setting sun. Steven gazed upon the scene, feeling a bit drowsy as time went on. Eventually his eyes felt heavy and he thought to himself that it probably wouldn't hurt to take a simple nap, just for a few seconds.

That nap went on for three hours.

|[][]|

_ Steven was standing somewhere dark, where light couldn't possibly reach him, and realized he was under a giant rock slab and the only thing that was stopping it from falling and crushing him was a crumbling wall. Quickly, he got out from underneath it, sighing when he found out he was no longer in danger. He looked around where he was, a place similar to the pyramid temple, one he had visited a long time ago in the strawberry battlefield. Just like the pyramid, numerous murals were painted on the curved walls, depicting a strange serpent-like creature attacking some humans, the serpent going up against a tall Diamond shapeshifed into... An eagle? _

_ What? _

_ Humans probably drew this. _

_ And in the end, the eagle Diamond electrocutes the serpent and it poofs, much to the happiness of the humans, and the eagle goes back to its own form, tall and slender and very similar to someone he knew. It looked quite familiar, although Steven couldn't remember where he had seen this Diamond. Maybe she looked similar to a gem he knew, but he wasn't certain. _

_ “Are you happy now?” _

_ Steven looked around in surprise, finding out that not far from where he stood, two gems were on the floor, and one was speaking now, in a voice hoarse and quite pained. Steven recognized one of the gems as Yellow Diamond, although she looked much younger. She was still using that same weird haircut, the one that made her look like a walking wet mop, but her features were softer, and she wasn't wearing her usual battle armor. In fact, she was wearing a uniform he had never seen her wear, one with a white diamond insignia. _

_ “Are you? You started all this.” _

_ Yellow’s face turned grim. She looked away, wincing, and probably closed her eyes, not satisfied by that answer. She was splayed on the ground, beaten up so badly that she couldn't move, and next to her, in the same state, lay another Diamond, the one who she hurt and who hurt her back. They had caused each other so many wounds that even the most simple movements sent violent waves of pain tearing through their forms. They were both looking away from each other, choosing instead to acknowledge the destruction they had caused together. It looked as if two powerful forces clashed together inside the Mist Arena, turning most of the walls and the ceiling into a fiasco of devastation. Rock slabs were everywhere, as well as shattered glass and bits of metal from the main foundations of the building. Unlike the Sky Arena or the Cloud Arena, the Mist Arena was underground, a hidden training chamber where a Diamond could unleash her uncontrollable full energy without blowing a hole in the planet the size of Neptune. The Arena was now hardly standing, the battle that took place only a few seconds earlier leaving its marks on every surface that had suffered from the two Diamonds’ anger-fueled attacks. With some regret, Yellow Diamond turned her head to face her counterpart once more, ignoring the pain rushing through her veins. She was met the the back of the other’s head who refused to look around, trying to act as if she didn't notice her. _

_ “It did.” _

_ “Huh?” _

_ “You asked,” Blue turned around to look at the one who caused her so much pain but who she hurt as well, tears in her eyes. “If that woke me up. It did.” Yellow winced, seeing the vaguely visible choke marks around the other’s neck, caused by no hands other than her own, and remembered how she had slammed Blue against the wall viciously, grabbed her by her neck and lifted her up, yelling and voicing her insane claims. She felt guilt sinking deep within her, and she sighed, looking up at the face of the only one who gave her a reason to live and one to die. _

_ “Blue.” Yellow said gently, her voice trembling as her amber eyes were met by electric blue ones that gazed upon her broken form. She could see regret in those eyes, and knew that she had to do something, anything, to wipe that look away. With all honesty and sincerity, she spoke again, her voice a bit tearful now. _

_ “Can we talk?” _

_ The answer to this was a choked whimper. “You still want to talk to me? Look at what I've done to you.” Blue said, a shiver running down her spine. She could hear the other speaking, but refused to look at her anymore. Not because she was angry or upset, it was because she was ashamed of what she's done to Yellow. _

_ “I hurt you too, you're not always the only one to blame.” _

_ A comforting gesture. Such a weak attempt to console the azure gem who was sinking deeper in the ocean of self-destruction that had formed inside her a long time ago. She saw her hand, probably containing a few broken bones and torn muscles, laying limply next to a pale yellow one, probably containing the same injuries as hers, and made a very regrettable choice. But still, it might be able to save what's left of their relationship. “Yellow look, maybe we should… Stop seeing each other for a while.” _

_ The concussion was making it hard to focus. “.. What?” _

_ “Things have been really hard for us, I just think… We should take a break, Yellow.” _

_ The other was frozen in shock. For a minute, she didn't even breathe. Silent tears were leaving her eyes where they had so threateningly welled for the past few minutes. They were now flowing freely, making her sound even sadder than she actually was. _

_ “D-don't say that… Please.” Her tearful eyes were now shut, trying to block out the awful thing she was hearing. “I can't live without you. I'm going to die again and it will hurt, just like last time.” _

_ “This isn't like last time. I do want to see you again, it's just… Not now, you know.” With a heroic effort, she held the other’s hand, looking up at the crying gem. “It's going to be alright, Yellow. I still love you.” _

_ “You do?” _

_ “Of course.” _

_ “After all what happened?” _

_ “What happened doesn't matter. You were angry and I was angry too. We just took it out on each other. I honestly can hardly remember what happened in there, do you?” _

_ She shakes her head, then she lowly groans in pain. _

_ “It's scary, isn't it?” _

_ “It's terrifying.” _

_ They say nothing afterwards, only stare at each other, trying to remember how did it all come to this as a few bits of metal clang against the floor, falling from the ceiling and allowing a few rays of light to enter the dark arena. Still, it didn't shed any light on their predicament. _

|[][]|

Steven woke up slowly, trying to comprehend what he had just dreamt of. He remembered an arena of some sort, and he remembered seeing two gems on the floor, probably trying to fix what went wrong between them. Yellow was one of them, but he didn't recognize the other, although Yellow kept referring to her as “Blue.” Was that Blue Diamond? Steven thought, confused. Was he dreamwalking again, only this time inside Yellow Diamond's dream? He was worried a bit. They both looked like they had a huge fight, and were probably breaking up. Well, if they were, Yellow wasn't taking it well. Steven was interrupted by someone picking him up by his shirt. In shock, he looked up and waved his hands frantically. “Whoa, whoa! Put me down!” He yelled, making Yellow Diamond drop him. He landed on the ground with a loud  oomph , and quickly received some rushed apologies from Yellow who was freaking out, perhaps. “Steven, I'm so… I’m not… I didn't mean, I.. Ugh!” She clutched her hair in frustration. “I'm sorry, okay?!” She stomped off, probably blaming herself for waking him up. From a far distance, Steven couldn't hear much of whatever she was saying to herself, but he could hear something along the lines of: “I'm really bad at these things.”

When he heard this, Steven could finally see how she was still all composed on the outside and still could manage to be a huge nerd on the inside. He furrowed his brows thoughtfully, thinking wherever other Diamonds were like this or not. However, when this question entered his mind, it reminded him of something related to it. Steven remembered that dream again, but now he remembered other events from a few weeks back. Like how Yellow Diamond turned cold when he mentioned the name of Blue Diamond in her presence, how she got really upset because of something related to that Diamond and locked herself up in the bathroom, how an apology to that same Blue were her possible last words. Had they actually broken up? It would make absolute sense. Maybe Yellow Diamond was always pissed because she didn't want to end her relationship with Blue, but she was eventually forced to. Also, Blue probably stopped talking to her afterwards in order to avoid further conflicts, but ended up unintentionally hurting Yellow’s feelings. That’s why she didn't want to talk about Blue and what happened. That all made sense now. With confident steps, Steven headed to the barn. He had an important job to do. He knew very well how to end all their trouble. If this worked, maybe they would make incredible progress with her, and probably make her a bit more open to others. If this worked, he might be able to make Yellow Diamond's life a lot more better. But it wasn't going to be easy, no. His plan was a risky one, a possibly failing one, but he had to give it a shot, although he was taking the risk of bringing forth the Diamond's wrath.

He was about to break down Yellow’s emotional wall,

And it was going to be epic.

|[][]|

“Yellow, we need to talk.”

Steven was up in the upper level of the barn, looking determined as the pale gem looked at him in surprise. He was acting seriously, unlike his naturally carefree attitude. He walked up to her and sat down on her temporary bed, only a few inches from where she was sitting. She watched him for a few seconds then turned her interest to something else, choosing to recognize the amount of damage that occured to the barn in the past few weeks. She drummed her fingers listlessly against the mattress, trying to pass the time until Steven spoke. “I know Garnet or Pearl are the ones who should be talking to you about this, but they're not here so…”

He sighed.

“Tell me about Blue.”


	15. Remember.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few flashbacks on Homeworld.  
> Plus Blue is here!  
> *whispers* begin the shipping...

_ Homeworld kindergarten. _

_ 2001,003,005 years ago. _

Two Jaspers were clawing their way out of their holes when a blue Feldspar noticed them, and raised her staff in the air, calling other Feldspars to join her. Someone stood not far from them, watching the events as they repeated themselves.

“I found more of them! Get a Rose Quartz, they might be injured.”

Spark, the lead Golden Beryl of his batch, gazed around in a thoughtful silence. Their kindergarten had suffered from a bizarre turbulence, causing some rocks to fall from the barren cliffs and block some of the gem holes. Some of those poor gems were trapped, probably frightened by all these occurrences, and were now crying for help. He motioned to his subordinate, another Golden Beryl who came closer and spoke in a low tune, his voice grave. “We won't be able to save them all. The incident had shattered some of the gems before they had a chance to form.”

Spark was bothered by these news. Not because he didn't believe them, no. It was because he could feel it. The reason he was the leader was that he was one of those elite gems, those who had advanced abilities compared to those regular gems. As for old Spark, he could sense gem energy from great distances. He could even feel some of the power signatures dimming, and then going out. He knew White Diamond would be upset, and swallowed his growing fear. Maybe Blue Diamond would try and interfere, although she doesn't always succeed in saving everyone. He sighed, half of his soul slipping away with that breath, and gave the other Beryl a nod. “Very well. Inform White Diamond of this.” He said, covering his eyes with one hand to block out the rays of the planet's powerful star, and in anger as well. “Let's hope she wouldn't have us all shattered on the spot.” 

The gem beside him walked off, leaving him to wander aimlessly through the kindergarten. He walked along the stony paths, feeling some soft dirt cling on to his boots. He was angry about losing those gems, although he couldn't do anything about it. He was responsible for this kindergarten, and took it as his responsibility to watch over every gem in that place. He groaned in slight frustration, upset that he still didn't know what caused the catastrophe that took the life of so many others like him. As if on cue, he looked up, and realized he was in an uninhibited section of the kindergarten. There weren't even any holes here. Spark looked around him, and felt anxiety rising inside him. He could sense a new power signal, and it was strong but that wasn't what worried him. The signal was getting stronger at a steady pace, and soon reached a power like no other. He swallowed in panic, and summoned his weapon, a rather sharp short sword, and took a battle stance, trying to determine where the signal was coming from.

He didn't have to, and soon he found out that. Without a warning, a new hole opened in the side of the cliff, emitting a bright yellow light. Spark stared on in amazement as the power signature spiked, reaching a level similar to this of a Diamond. He panicked. This wasn't happening, this really wasn't happening. Was there a gem stronger than the two Diamonds that was emerging before him right now? Then it all registered. The uninhabited area, the incredible power, the strange turbulence. He wasn't seeing a regular gem regeneration,

He was seeing a  Diamond  regeneration.

The bright light soon died out, leaving a hole similar to this of a regular gem only bigger, but not by much. In fact, Spark realized with a rather smug attitude, he was taller than the Diamond. He shook his head and tried to focus. He wasn't here to insult this Diamond, in fact, he really wasn't supposed to even be here, standing and doing nothing. Lowering his weapon, he approached the hole, seeing a shivering figure crouching inside. Just like the rest, too afraid to come out. Spark sat in the entrance of the hole, earning a retreat from the Diamond whose sharp white teeth glistened as it bared them at him. His eyes noticed a diamond shaped gemstone located in the other's chest, glowing dimly and matching the fiery yellow of the Diamond's eyes.

He sighed.

He had a lot of work to do.

•••

_ Homeworld kindergarten. _

_ 3 weeks after the Mist incident. _

Spark nodded at the quartz facing him. “Don't you worry, Smokes. I got all this under control.” He said, confidently and with an amount of bravery he never knew he had. The numerous gems standing before him moved out of the path, letting him get access to the gem hole he wanted to reach. All eyes on him, he crouched in the entrance of the hole, exactly like he did a very very long time ago. He peered inside, his quiet look meeting a much more violent gaze, an amber one he had longed to see, only not in such conditions. Yellow Diamond turned her head slowly and glared at him, her eyes softening when she realizes who was staring at her. “What do you want?” She asked, and Spark moved inside and sat only a few inches away from her turned back. “I just wanted to see you, Yellow. You know, you've been busy and I kinda missed seeing you around.” He said quietly, taking care not to hurt her feelings. The silence rolled between them again, with Yellow doing nothing in particular and Spark staring at her, hoping he could get to the bottom of this (aka: find out why a destabilizer was deeply shoved inside her midsection and why wasn't she doing anything.) It wasn't like her to just quit working and sit in her hole with a fatal injury waiting for something to happen. Flashes of energy occasionally appeared around her limbs and hair, probably the work of the destabilizer. Spark spoke again, this time a bit more compassionately, trying to get her to talk. To be honest, it broke his heart to see her like this, sad and angry and not knowing what to do. “You know, that's not the only reason I came.”

She said nothing.

“I've been hearing a lot of things about you.” One word:  _ Defective _ .

Still no answer.

“Is this like last time?” He asked desperately, about to run out of ideas.

She turned around, sobbing. He noticed with growing horror that it was just like the worst case scenario he imagined. He looked down at the destabilizer, his hand reaching out to touch the pale yellow one gripping the handle. Something wanted to pull it out, but he knew she was stronger than him and didn't dare to try. “Yeah.” She managed. “It's just like last time.” Spark gazed at her, then looked down. He really felt a terrible anger coursing through him, it wasn't a fantasy. At that moment, he felt a growing hatred for Blue Diamond. It wasn't sporadic, he had hated her for a long time. She had stole Yellow from him when she had the chance, made the other Diamond forget about him, and demolished any feelings Yellow ever had for him. Someone might say that he was jealous, but he wasn't, In fact, Yellow was originally  his.  She didn't belong with them, those authority brutes. He hated every single gem who contributed in that horrendous process of brainwashing the poor thing, although she still remembered him, she wasn't the same. He knew why she was so upset, and why did she hide inside her hole. It was the only place where she could be in peace, and the only place where she wasn't being watched and most importantly, he knew who stabbed her with the destabilizer.

He questioned his judgement, although it did little to mask the truth, no matter how horrible it was.

She did that to herself?

She did that to herself.

Because of Blue.

He moved forward, in a panic that likely wasn't obvious, and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, holding her in a loose and gentle embrace. She held him back, her form twitching with the heroic effort of keeping herself stable while she might've died hours ago, and buried her face in his shoulder. He could feel her tears soaking his top, but he didn't care. He pulled back for a second to lose himself in those beautiful eyes, then leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, earning another choked sob from her.

And Yellow Diamond said: “Kill me right now.”

“Yellow-”

“Do it, please. I haven't felt like this in ages and I can't handle it. I just… I want to be alone for a few days, you know. I want you to stab the life out of me, you're the only one who can do it like this. Help me forget, even if it's only for a few seconds.”

He held her even tighter.

Pause.

She shed another tear, and he wanted so desperately to close the distance between them, but the destabilizer got in the way. “Are you really feeling so awful?”

“Yeah… I've been really miserable lately.”

She had?

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not now, but yes. Just… Do it.”

His hand gripped the handle of the destabilizer, shivering. He always hated forcing her back into her gem, but nothing else was working, he had no choice. He closed his eyes, pushing the destabilizer deeper inside her, and not missing the short whine of pain that came when he did so, fighting back the emotions.

Sixteen minutes. Sixteen minutes and she was gone.

Without a word, he bubbled her intact gem and curled up into a ball, holding her retreated form close.

_ The poor thing. _

•••

_ Homeworld kindergarten. _

_ 5 weeks before Present Day. _

“Just try to be safe, alright?”

A laugh like music. “I'll try.”

He held her hands in his. “I wish you didn't have to go.” He said, sighing. “You're much more important than that stupid cluster.” Spark gazed into Yellow’s amber eyes for the last time, probably for a few hundred years. He hugged her real tight. “Don't go.” He whispered to her. “Let's run away.”

She eyed him skeptically. “Sure.” She said. “You and me running away from the place we own. What a brilliant idea.” She pulled back. “Sorry. I gotta do this. That stupid Peridot just wouldn't listen to me and I hate it.” She looks up to meet his gaze and blinks when he deadpans, then goes down on a knee to reach her height. “She kinda deserves what's coming, right?” She had shapeshifed, like always, into that same form she had when they first met. It made it a little easier to talk, considering she was naturally twenty feet tall and he was a tiny speck compared to her. His expressionless face reminded her of what Blue Diamond said when she told her about what happened. “ _Do you know why she did this? She’s insanely jealous. She doesn't like seeing you rule everyone, because she wishes she was in your shoes right now. I'll do you a favor.”_ She had said, _“I'll vaporize that little prick, maybe then she might listen. It wouldn't be such a loss, we have plenty of Peridots.”_

Yellow suddenly shook. Her organs twisted up.

“What's wrong?”

“I… She's a total clod… But….”

“You don't believe she deserves to be punished?”

“No?”

He sighed. “Blue said she's going to do something…. You know, to that gem, right?”

A nod, then she is pulled back into another hug. Spark stroked the back of her head gently, then they separated and he held her by her shoulders, taking care to not be too harsh. “Listen to me, Yellow. Let me tell you something about yourself. You're not like anyone else. You're special. You're nice and smart and funny and honestly I wish all Diamonds were like you. I knew you were different, but I didn't know how until now. In the future people are going to do bad things to gems like you. They're going to say awful things to you and try to break you and I won't be there to protect you from them. I know you aren't ready, and you'll never be. Not to discourage you, but you can't set unrealistic goals. I might go away soon, and you're going to have to take care of yourself from now on.”

“No!” She looked up, her eyes brimming with tears already. “You can't do this!”

“I won't have a choice.” He said gently, wiping a tear that slid down her cheek with the tip of his index finger. “I want you to try and be strong, okay? It's the only thing that's gonna keep you standing in this cruel world. Just find someone and hold on to them, never let them go. I did that and look at me now. I held on to you, and you held on to me. I sometimes wonder how did I end up being the tough one when you're supposed to be twenty times stronger than me. I probably wouldn't know how did we end up here, but I don't care. I have you now, although I might lose you soon. I wish there was a word to describe what I feel towards you, Yellow. Maybe then I wouldn't be so confused. You always give me all that confidence and power, and I just want to protect you from everyone. You make me feel like I have a real life.”

He kissed her forehead and she blushed appropriately at the attention. He laughed quietly, ruffling that blond hair with his free hand. “You're just too adorable, do you know that?” He ran that same hand through her hair, fingers drawing irrational patterns. “Stay strong for me, okay? Make old Sparky proud.”

She laughs again, although now it sounds forced. “I'll try.” A few tears slip before she can stop them, not that she wants to.

“Hey. Don't cry. You don't have to. You won't lose me anytime soon. Now come on, you have a ship to get on.”

She held on to him. “But I want to spend this moment with you, now.”

He left eventually, with one last hug and the narcotic warmth of his fingers wrapped in her hair.

They would not see each other again.

•••

_ Beach City, Earth. _

_ Present Day. _

“I really miss him.” Yellow said, hugging her knees. “He taught me everything I knew since I came out of that hole. In fact, he's the one who got me out of that hole.”

She and Steven were sitting in her section of the barn, talking. Things have been said, and facts have been stated. It was clear, she needed to open up. Steven had said it was for her own good, but she felt like a heavy weight was strapped on to her shoulders and she needed to get it off. She was telling Steven about the old kindergarten and Spark. She closed her eyes, expelling a chest full of troubled air. “I feel lost without him, he always tells me what to do.” She said. “He was always there for me. I feel like I've betrayed him by staying here.”

Steven looked up at her. “So he's like your dad, right?”

“What's a dad?”

Steven was silent for a moment, then he spoke. “A dad is someone who loves you and takes care of you, and I don't think he helped make you since you came out of a hole and all, but he's still your dad, kind of.” He smiled. “I don't think he'll be upset if you came back. After all, he really likes you.”

“Likes me, huh?” She looks away. “It makes sense.”

Steven reaches out and puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. She looks back at him and he realizes she's crying, and not a little.

“You remind me of him.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Then she stops talking, and covers her face with both hands. Nothing was the same for her anymore, she realized with growing sadness. Nothing was going to be okay. She lost her home, her lover, her closest friend and nearly herself. She had had enough of keeping it all inside, it was eating her up and it really hurt right now, more than ever. Her emotions well up and overflow before she can stop them, and she wraps Steven in a very tearful hug. Steven just sits there, dumbfounded, until he kind of gets it and attempts anything to make her stop crying, although nothing works.

“It's okay, just let it all out. You're gonna be alright, don't worry.”

After a few hours of sobbing and hiccuping, she falls asleep on his shoulder. Steven plucks her off him and sets her gently on the floor. She always slept on the floor, he recalled, and it wouldn't bother her if she just woke up on the floor, it was warm enough. With this last decision, he leaves, letting her get a few hours to relax, she needed them after all. He yawned, thinking he should also get some sleep, it was getting late.

Upstairs in the loft, Yellow paled, twitched, and mumbled a few faint words in her sleep, but Steven was too far to notice.

As the narrator of this story, sometimes I wish he did.

Not so far from Beach City, in fact, just around the border, a dark navy spaceship commenced a landing protocol. They were gems from Homeworld, more accurately, of Blue Diamond's faction. The aforementioned gem was also on the ship, disguised in a much smaller form in order to deceive the Crystal Gems whose existence was reported on the planet, and also to search the planet undetected. “This will take some time, but I'll find her.” She told White on the Diamond line earlier, when she reported she was heading to Earth. “If Rose Quartz still exists on the planet, we must avoid contact with her. Otherwise we'll start a new war and we are low on resources and soldiers. We won't be able to fight her back. Yellow and I might be shattered, at best.”

White seemed unmoved by these news. “And at worst? What might possibly happen?”

“She'll come for you and use all of her army and our corrupted forms to invade Homeworld, destroy the Authority, and who knows what else. Remember, we're talking about Rose Quartz here. She's one of the most unpredictable enemies we have ever faced.”

“And if Yellow Diamond is compromised? What if they brainwashed her or something like that? You will need to terminate her, unfortunately. I want to know, are you capable of doing so?”

Blue paused, feeling an unexplainable knot in her stomach. “I don’t need to. Yellow won't defect. I know her, she's too strong to break at the hands of Rose's army.”

“Remember,” White said, an intimidating tone in her voice. “Rose is unpredictable. She can manipulate anyone. And by that, I mean  _ anyone _ . ”

The knot grew even tighter. “Understood. I'll report back to you when I find Yellow.”

The screen vanished,

But Blue’s anxiety did not. She felt a terrible pain tearing throughout her form, however, despite the agony, she didn't retreat. Her mind was reeling in shock to how expandable she and Yellow were to White Diamond. She was almost terrified by how expressionless White’s face looked when she said that they might die, and instead showed interest in the threat surrounding herself. She took a deep breath and exited the ship, shivering. With some regret, she wandered through the woods surrounding the human colony stationed here. She stared up at those ugly constructs, searching for any hint of her counterpart. It was desperate, as if she was searching the void of this deep space to look for one supernova. She sighed, thinking about the possibility of Yellow defecting. She was strong and determined, but Blue knew her emotions were weak. Provoking her was a quick way of making her angry. Therefore, defeating her. She was too emotional and unstable to make vital decisions. Rose might manipulate her, using both of their flaws as weak points. In fact, it was a very possible future.

A shiver ran down her nonexistent spine.

On the horizon, the sun began to rise. Exiting the woods, Blue saw the new light of dawn flooding the world, and a clearing was revealed, containing a small structure similar to a one used for housing animals on Earth.

Blue felt a gem’s presence inside, despite the fact it was weak, she went to investigate, thoughts of the unavoidable still flooding her mind.

_ No. She won't defect. _

_ What makes you so sure? Homeworld is just another hell to her. She hates it there and you know it. She doesn't have anyone there. _

_ She has me, I'm there for her. _

_ And? You're not enough. Trust me, Blue. She'll defect when she has the chance. Rose can offer her something you can't. _

_ What is it? _

_ Redemption. _

_ You're a liar. _

_ I'm not, but you can believe whatever you want. I'm not stopping you. She will betray you, it's just a matter of time. _

_ Stop! Stop saying things like this! _

_ What is your deepest fears, Blue Diamond? Being inadequate? Your task is impossible. _

_ … _

_ Give up, Blue.  Go home . _

_ No. Not without her. _


	16. Questionable Ethics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle begins.

Yellow opened her eyes.

_ This place again? What am I doing in here? _

In the freezing darkness, the broken fragments of her mind were piecing themselves together, wielded into a single thought by the immense frustration sinking deep inside her and burning into the acid of her stomach. The scene was pitch black, save for a single faraway speck on the horizon. With some regret, Yellow walked closer to the lonely figure, hoping it wasn't as hostile as the rest of her mind. She saw a faint hint of pink armor, worn by the distant gem who she so unwillingly recognized.

It was Pink.

The deceased Diamond was gazing listlessly at what seemed to be something extraordinary. Yellow wanted to approach her, she really wanted to, but she was rooted to the spot by her own confusion and mistrust. She saw the Diamond summon a sharp short sword, almost absentmindedly, and she saw her look back at her in one sad glance before looking away, as if she was surrounded by thousands of fascinating invisible objects just out of her field of vision. She saw Pink sigh, aim the weapon at her gemstone, shaped as a diamond much like her own, and screamed in horror as the pink gem stuck a fatal blow to herself, muttering a few last words.

“I'm sorry.” Pink mouthed, looking back at her through eyes that were no longer functional.

Gratefully, her dream melted into a vague blackness that was comforting despite being somewhat intimidating. A sea of nothing stretched as far as the eye could see, a dark scene of her own mind broken by a vision she wasn't sure she liked. There was a gem walking towards her, surrounded by a muted blur of dark blue light, despite being pitch black itself. Bright blue eyes penetrated the suffocating darkness, and Yellow Diamond was only vaguely aware of a something dragging her closer to this figure, pulling, frantic. She had no escape from this… Thing… Inside her mind. The figure raised its arms, calling her closer or maybe warning her to stay back. A faint unnatural noise was echoing through her mind. All of a sudden, the strange noise transcended, working like red-hot hammers pounding in her mind, wrecking every last normal thought remaining inside her. With a strange turbulence, it rose to a metallic screech, then it woke her up. With an annoyed grunt, Yellow got up from the floor, rubbing her eyes. She looked around, her eyes adjusting to the new light spilling inside from the open window only a few inches far from where she stood. There was nothing there, only a few twittering birds and some dogs barking, announcing the rise of the big gas ball known as the sun. Everything was peaceful, and that was concerning. After all, this was Beach City, nothing was supposed to be peaceful right now. But still, everyone could take a break, right?

The noise jolted her out of her thoughts again. It was getting close, and it scared her. She was never the type to ignore anything, but it was there also during the night, approaching.

Footsteps.

She whirled around, her pulse pounding in her chest and throat. No one was there, and she shivered, trying to convince herself that she was just hearing things. It wasn't real, whatever it was. Her entire form trembled with the effort, but she managed to gather enough courage to go outside, to face the cursed thing. Walking slowly, she made her way to the lower floor of the barn, eyes wide and fists clenched in a rushed battle stance. Somehow, all of this seemed familiar, even the fear. In the back of her head, she could hear all sorts of noises, but they were all muffled by her own frantic thinking. She swallowed her panic, hoping all this was nothing but one of her strange nightmares. She might be asleep right now, lost in the vacancy of her mind, all of this nothing more than a strange fabrication of her imagination.

But this was no nightmare.

Behind her, the footsteps got even louder, the noises flooding her mind from all directions as if the sound itself was intent on trapping her in its clutches. All of this was merely overwhelming. She was panicking, twitching, and trying to wait for the right moment. All of her thoughts were crowding together, all trying to exit at the same time. She could feel someone else’s presence in the air, and a whisper of fabric behind her as the person walked closer. In fact, Yellow was terrified, and not a little. Something inside her yelled at her to fight back, and she complied to this part, not knowing what caused her to do so. Without a second thought, she spun, directing a punch straight to the other’s supposed face.

It never landed. Instead, a dark blue hand was clutching it, stopping it in its tracks. Yellow stared in shock, her jaw hanging open but no words coming out. She was almost stupefied by what happened, or more accurately, who happened to be here. Blue Diamond stared back at her, eyes hidden behind long navy hair, and slowly released her fist. The other space overlord rubbed her smarting hand, her gaze moving upwards to the other's hidden electric blue eyes. “You came.” Was all what she managed. She was still partially speechless, and it was obvious. She had waited for Blue for almost a month and a half now, and she found herself incapable of forming sentences in the presence of the one she had loved for ages.

“You were cracked. Of course I came.”

“And you took your time, obviously.”

But to this, Blue did not reply. In fact, an unnerving silence rolled between them, making them both stare at each other for quite a while. “You can say I had some technical difficulties.” Here Blue looked at her own form, slight annoyance visible on her face. “I just hoped I could come in a much  _ bigger _  form~ oh. No offence.”

Yellow smiled. “None taken. Must be difficult to deal with being small. Trust me, it's terrible. So, how are things?”

“Terrible. You’re lucky you aren’t there.”

“White’s being her old nasty self, right?”

To this, Blue Diamond smiled a bit, before going back to her usual idleness, her hands wringing each other behind her back. Despite the brief look on her face, Blue seemed uneasy. It was clearly visible to the other gem whose expression morphed into one of worry. “Are you okay?” She asked, a genuine concern in her voice and a few steps taken forward. This was met by a simple “yeah, I'm fine.” That failed to convince the other who walked even closer. “That doesn't convince me. Something's up, and you're not telling me.”

Blue fell silent.

“What's wrong?”

Nothing.

“Don't tell me you came to drag me back there,” Yellow said, her gaze directed to a fixed point on the nearby wall and her arms crossed. “You should've at least arrived sooner…”

“I came for another reason. White told me to find you.”

“Oh, so now you're her new pet? That gem has a lot of nerve~”

“It's not like this. She told me that you went missing. I came for you myself.”

Yellow’s face was dark with realization, and she refused to face the other any longer. “I can't believe she's playing with you now…” She grumbled, fists clenched in fury.

“What?”

“You heard me.” She turned around. “She's playing with you now. For stars sake, Blue. Since when do you even look at White? Now you're listening to her? You changed, right? She messed you up.”

“No.”

“You're even as stony as she is.”

What came next slipped out before Blue could stop it.

“And you're as traitorous as Rose is! Don't think I don't know about you and those Crystal Gems. I saw you with them, you defected, Yellow.  ** Defected ** .” She glares at her counterpart incredulously. “I can't believe you did this, after all what I've done for you…”

“Are you serious?! You're making it sound like I  begged  you to love me. Please, stop being so foolish. You know that the Cluster was a mistake, that it could destroy Homeworld, and you didn't say anything! Who's traitorous now?”

“Well, I don't sell out my home for some ball of dirt!”

“I never sold anyone out!”

“That’s not what Pink said!”

“Pink is DEAD!!”

“AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!”

“SHUT UP!”

“YOU SHUT UP!”

°°°

Steven gulped in his hiding place.

He had woken up to the sounds of somebody arguing, and had seen Yellow with that Blue Diamond gem who was  _ fuming  _ right now. They were fighting about the Cluster, and Yellow was yelling and turning absolutely mad. Mad enough that she was throwing herself in the line of fire. The gem in from of him looked like she could destroy an army with her bare fists and Yellow was risking her life by provoking such a gem. In fact, she was doing more than provoking her, she was practically challenging her.

“If you're so intent on bringing me back, let's settle it. You and me, the Mist Arena. You win, I'll listen to you and become some stupid brainless pet to some stupid sadistic gem. If I win, you’ll stay here and  **_ never go back. Never. _ **  Deal?”

Steven nearly fell over. This gem? Here? No!  _ Please don't agree, please don't agree, please don't agree, please don't agree... _

“Deal.”

Steven’s heart dropped.

“And just so you'd know, if you insult me like this again, I'll cut you to ribbons.”

“Fine, Blue. And also I'd  ** love **  to see you try.”

But the other was already leaving,

And there were a few knots in Yellow’s stomach that she didn't understand. Was this for real? She was just entering a battle that she will never survive. Honestly, she might as well lose already and go back.

But her pride won't let her do it. She was more than somebody’s worthless toy, she was a Diamond. A royal gem. She lived and deserved to be at the top of the caste, and not at the bottom of it.

She won't let anyone put a leash on her.

She felt a pain in her chest, probably caused by the fact she just ruined her relationship with Blue and left it hanging on one match, but she ignored it. If Blue wants so badly to be a pet for White, let her. But mark my words, she will come crying when she's tired of following orders and is beaten up seven days a week.

_ Yes, but don't you think…. _

_ I think it’s very important to listen to me. She brought this to herself and there is nothing more to say. _

Yes. There is nothing more to say.

°°°

_ Three days later, _

_ The Entrance of the Mist Arena. _

“Hey, Yellow.”

“Yes?”

“That's some cool armor you made.”

“Thanks, Steven.”

They were standing idly inside the arena, their eyes scanning the doors and ruins of the walls and ceiling. It was.completely empty, void of all forms of life, except for Steven and Yellow, who had formed a metallic looking armor for herself, in order to protect her from the blows that she was going to take. She had brought the half-gem with her so if something bad happened to her, he would signal the other Crystal Gems, who were hiding outside the arena safe from the devastation soon to come. They would intervene, and probably save her from an unspeakable fate. She looked at the boy meaningfully, and he understood at once, choosing not to meddle with her plan and hiding quickly behind a fallen part of the murals littering the wall. Yellow Diamond stood in the unnerving silence, her fists clenched and her eyes narrowed. She knew what she was getting into, and hoped that this fight would knock some sense into Blue, and at least make her a little less crazy about all what was happening. She was doing the right thing. The Cluster was too risky to be let loose. If it did escape, not only the Earth will be destroyed, but Homeworld will be destroyed as well. She knew that Yellow was doing what's right for everyone, so why wouldn't she listen? Maybe she would now.

For a second, nothing happened.

Until the arena was shaken by the arrival of a very certain gem.

“Let's get this over with.”

The words echoed through the void of the arena, and the void of Yellow Diamond's mind. She took a hesitant step forward, her eyes never leaving the other. “You can quit now, you know.” She said, in a hopeless attempt to prevent what was coming next. The reason it was fruitless was clear when Blue Diamond scowled, her hands balling into fists. “I never quit.” She growled, “unlike you, I have my own principles, and I stick to them.”

“Questionable ones. You can be very unstable sometimes.” Yellow couldn't help but to add, and Blue’s face became even darker. “We'll see how unstable I am when I beat the life out of your worthless form.”

_ Blue for stars’ sake don’t do this, please! You’re only making things worse! This won't help, she'll hate you forever! This is wrong! Stop it! _

_ No. I'm done listening to you. You're nothing but a liar. You always lie to me, make fun of me, push me down… I've had enough. I'm bringing Yellow back, whether she likes it or not. You're not stopping me anymore. _

In a flash, both gems summoned their weapons, two almost identical broadswords that bore different hues of color. The paced around each other, like two ferocious lions ready to battle for dominance, eyes burning with a fire that carried many emotions from many eons ago. This lasted for a few minutes until Blue took the first move, rushing forward and attempting to strike a blow to the other that was blocked with insane speed. Another blow was delivered and quickly blocked, followed by another, and another…

It seemed to go on forever until Yellow countered one of those risky, emotion-fueled attacks by a well aimed kick that pushed Blue a few meters back and knocked her off balance. In the time that took her to recover, Yellow had already managed to punch her a few times before she was again facing the rain of crazy sword slashes that threatened to injure her fatally. She seemed to almost refuse to use her weapon, replacing it with melee attacks instead, trying not to hurt Blue but still attempting to fight her. This angered Blue, who took it as a sign that Yellow wasn't taking this seriously. She went for Yellow Diamond’s gemstone this time, as a type of revenge, or maybe some morbid sort of desperation, masked by false fury that was anything but weak. The other gem was starting to get tired from blocking all these attacks, so when she was swiped thirty feet back by a dangerous strike from Blue Diamond's blade, she didn't get up instantly. Her broadsword was shattered to pieces by the impact, and it vanished into sparks of yellow and white flashes. Yellow paled, and looked desperately at its remains. She was armless now. In that moment of lunatic rage and sorrowful pain, each Diamond found the other's eyes, and could see exactly what awaited them from destruction and pain.

Still, it didn't stop them from fighting, although Yellow was weaponless, she got up from the floor, her fists clenched and sparking with electricity. Blue brought this for herself, she thought, charging towards the other Diamond who tried to block the attack, only to have her weapon broken in half. She let out a primal roar, trying to punch the other gem with all of her strength. They continued to fight, the clashes of their energy creating powerful shockwaves that threatened to destroy the shaky foundations of the ancient arena, and threatened to hurt Steven who was breathlessly watching the epic battle from a faraway hiding place. Soon, the two Diamonds were yelling insults and pleas during the brief conflicts.

“You don't need to do this!” Yellow screamed, delivering a punch, quickly grabbed by Blue who stared at her through burning eyes, gritting her teeth as she spit out blood, the fluid staining her chin.

“Oh, really?!” Blue Diamond growled, twisting Yellow’s arm into an unnatural angle which caused the other to cry out in pain. “And let you make the biggest mistake of your life?!” She used that moment of weakness to kick the other in the ribs, making her drop to the floor. “You're not going to win.  **_ Give up. ” _ **

Yellow looked up, and her eyes filled with tears.

She really changed?

How?

When?

The pain was making it hard to focus. She could feel her heart breaking along with her broken ribs as Blue kicked her again, knocking the wind out of her. “Why? Why did you leave, huh?  **_ Why did you leave me?” _ **

Another kick, this time to the gut.

**_ “Why?!” _ **

One straight to the jaw, hurts even more than expected and knocks her head back, sends her down on the floor.

_** “You defective brat.” ** _

A Kick to the gem now.

_** “You never deserved to live.” ** _

Blue’s voice was no longer natural. It had reached a terrifying depth that caused every word to hurt even more. Every kick caused a little more pain because Blue was  _ so willing  _ to kill her.  _ So willing _  to destroy her. She had never called her defective before, never called her a brat before. Never said such spiteful words. Why? Why was she so evil? Why has she changed? Yellow knew, that there was only one way to bring her back, but she didn't know how. Sadly, her mind was blurred, her vision was bloody, her form was weak, she felt broken, she  _** was ** _  broken.

Then it registered.

Blue wanted to  _** kill  ** _ her.

She wanted her to _**  die. ** _

_** Just like White. ** _

But what Blue didn't know was that Yellow was intent on something too. She rolled out of the way of yet another kick, got to her shaky feet, and with one last breath, quickly reacted. Despite her injury, she rushed to the other and managed to get Blue in a tight chokehold. With great effort, she slammed her into the wall, raising her in the air. Her face inches from the older one’s, she screamed out five words that changed the entire course of that battle. Blue was trying desperately to pry the other's hands from her neck, trying to stop Yellow from killing her.

_** “Did that wake you up?!” ** _

Eyes wide, Blue shook her head, fueling the Diamond’s rage even further, and gasped for breath. Her hands stopped clawing at Yellow’s wrists and began to lose strength. She became weak, and kicked wildly at her but with no avail. She started going pale, her attempts getting weaker and weaker. Inside the storm of rage, Yellow realized what she was doing.

She was choking Blue to death.

She hesitates for a minute, her vicelike grip loosening.

_ What am I doing? This… This isn't me. _

_ But this isn't her either, right? _

_ What… No. I can't. I can't do this. I can't, I can't... _

_ She hurt you. She messed you up. All what she ever did was push you down. Go ahead, she’s already in your hands. Do it, finish her. Make her miserable life a little bit more painful. She brought this to herself. She caused this. _

_ But, should I? I… I don't know…. I’m not supposed to… Right? Should I kill her?... _

  
  


_** Yes. ** _

She wraps her hands even tighter around the other gem’s neck, and Blue gasps violently. She tries everything, anything, but Yellow never drops her.

With her last, dying breath, Blue wheezes something that burned through Yellow’s mind, something that hurt even more than any insult, something that angered her and caused her to snap the other's neck in her insane hallucinations. She wheezes two words that Yellow would never, ever forget, not even if she really wanted to. In her nightmares, these words haunted her, but she escaped them by waking up. Now, this was the real world. There was no escape. There was no avoiding this. The words that she heard were ones that she had never wanted to hear, especially not from her.

_** “You.. Monster...” ** _

She didn’t know what was happening to her. During all that madness, something inside her had snapped. It wasn't anger, it wasn't pain, it wasn't anything like what she was used to feeling. She couldn't move anymore, she wasn't in control anymore. She was stuck inside her body like a spectator, unable to move or even speak. The strange subtle turbulence inside her, the one she had gone so used to ignoring was now rising, crushing her consciousness into a shivering mess, a hazy messed-up horror fever that lifted her to a new level of depression into the dark hell which was known as her soul. The one that had sank and died in the fire burning deep inside her, it was replaced by a monstrous being that was now smirking at the dying gem, eyes half lidded in a terrifyingly amused gaze.

_ “I'm the monster? ** I'm the monster?! You're the monster. I tried to make you understand for so long, but you didn't listen. You never listen. Nobody needs defects, right? I shouldn't be alive, right? But look at me. I want to  kill  you, Blue. You never wanted to fight me, you never needed to fight me, and look at what you did. Well, guess what? I have someone to listen to me now, and she's better than you. In fact, she's the one who told me to get rid of you, you sentimental waste of space. So I guess I don't need you anymore, ever since she’s here.” ** _

Blue's eyes widened in traumatized shock.

“Who?”

A hideous smirk, revealing terrifying, unnaturally sharp teeth.

_** “Oh, you'll see~” ** _

 

_ SNAP! _

 

To Blue, everything went out.

In a split second, she stopped moving, and only hung limply from Yellow’s hands, dead. Despite all expectations, Blue Diamond was dead, killed by the hands of the other gem, who stared icily at her unmoving form.

The sight of her would cause terrible shivers to run down someone's spine, if you had a spine, and was unlucky enough to exist somehow in this destroyed arena, which became the scene of a vicious battle, no to mention the death of a gem who made the worst mistake of her life many many years ago, and that mistake has lead to this sad, unfortunate moment. It would take me days and months to properly describe the numerous events that have been put into motion by this mistake. I'd have to tell you of the rebel force that originated from this mistake, as well as the death of many many broken gems, Homeworld and Crystal, and the creation of the yellow-white gem that was going to turn the tides of this small war, and the other blue-white gem that was up to a brutal revenge soon after this battle ends. But, I have a short lifespan, much like many humans, and it would be almost impossible for me to dictate this story to you, my dear reader. In the end, all that I can do is tell you what happened next, so you would reach a higher level of experience in surviving angst-filled stories and I would reach a higher level of experience in writing angst-filled stories.

Blue was hanging from the other Diamond’s hands grimly, her form cold and her limbs still. She remained like this for a few seconds, until she vanished into stardust. Her gem nearly fell to the floor if only Yellow didn't grab it at the last moment, bubbling it and holding it between two palms, examining the dormant gem inside. She almost didn't hear the Crystal Gems leaping inside the arena and going to check on Steven who was running towards them. She was lost inside the vacancy of her mind, trying to comprehend what she had just done. Garnet separated from the rest of the group, walking towards the Diamond who fell to her knees, crying pathetic, silent tears in regret. She didn't know what on Earth was wrong with her, and she couldn't know who told her to finish off Blue in such a monstrous way. Sad little creature, never out of misery. First the Cluster, now corruption. What a very uncomfortable way to spend someone's life. Kneeling next to her, Garnet gazed silently at the bubble, and the azure gem inside it, muttering a few words to herself. Those words caught Yellow’s attention, and caused her to cry even harder.

“Never thought I'd see that one bubbled.”

And neither did Yellow, but she had bubbled it with her very own hands. Something was wrong with her. Something was really wrong with her. Closing her eyes, she made a decision, and expelled a chest full of troubled air.

“Garnet.” She said, in a faint whisper.

The shaded fusion looked at her. “Yes?”

Sniff. “I need to talk to you.”

°°°

_** Meanwhile... ** _

_????????, ???????? Recon Ship. _

_??/??/????. Day ???. _

“Her… Her signal is fading! Get- get somebody, do something! We can't lose that signal!”

“I'm trying my best, you clod! If you just stopped yelling I might be able to find her!”

Blue Pearl shook. The poor thing was clenching her fists, holding in her fear. For days she’s been trying to convince herself that Blue Diamond was okay. That she was going to come back any second, but it all seemed impossible now. Yellow Pearl stood at the controls of the control room, her hands darting across the electronic panels as she attempted to find the fading signature’s location. They stared at the floating screen for a few seconds as it began to calculate the exact location. It was about to take… Approximately twenty seconds, according to Yellow Pearl’s expectations. The machines began determining her whereabouts somewhere in the nearby human settlement, then zapped into an error screen.

“What happened?” Blue Pearl asked, too low for the other to hear. The absence of an answer detonated the wild emotions inside her, the ones that were simmering for thw past few minutes, boiled quickly as fury claimed her. She quickly snapped into a rage, clutching Yellow Pearl’s top and yanking her up, with such surprising strength for her small form. “WHAT HAPPENED?!” She screamed into the other's face, making Yellow Pearl shake. “T-the… The signal d-died…. We couldn't get to her...” She said weakly, trembling in fright as she saw the unfavourable side of Blue Pearl. The pale gem let go of her counterpart, then sat down in a chair, her head in her hands and tears in her eyes. In the chronic misery and the lingering guilt, she began to cry bitterly. She had failed Blue Diamond. The leader was probably now dead, or bubbled. Rose Quartz must've found her, and chose to kill her immediately.

Pearl could've stopped her.

She really could.

But she didn't. She didn't save her when she had the chance.

Why?  Asked a voice deep inside her.

She couldn't answer. The Pearl was now mourning her owner, trying not to let the emotions overflow and overwhelm her. She felt a hand being put on her shoulder and looked up, seeing Yellow Pearl as she knelt next to her. Without a word, Blue Pearl held the other gem close in a much needed embrace, glad that the other was able to comfort her and not upset about what she did. Yellow Pearl rubbed circles into the other's back, trying to remember how to exactly comfort someone. Instead, she remembered how useless she had felt when Yellow Diamond suddenly disappeared, and how guilty she had felt when she knew that she was to blame. Blue Pearl must be feeling even worse now, and Yellow Pearl wanted so badly to make her feel better, even if it was temporary. She considered Blue Pearl a friend, if not something more, and it made her a little bit happier when everything was well, when all the Diamonds were on Homeworld and they were in the places where they were meant to be, not dragged into another war. Having another Pearl who shares her experiences and feelings was soothing to the servant gem, who never had any other friends except for Blue Pearl. The sight of Pearl in such a sad state made her heart break. It wasn't fair, but, like one of my accomplices once said, life isn't fair. This very accomplice is now laying under twenty feet of mountainous snow, waiting for the green SUV bearing the multiple vinyls of coffee stains to pick her up so she can deliver an important electronic piece of art made by a fifteen year-old to a very certain scientific observatory which is a situation similar to Blue Pearl’s dilemma. The aforementioned gem was now getting up, helping Yellow Pearl to her feet too. The two Pearls stared at each other for yet another lifetime, holding hands listlessly and just trying to think.

It was Yellow Pearl who broke the silence.

“Pearl.”

“Yes?”

“We’re going to find her.”

A sniff, then an extended period of silence.

“How can you be so sure?”

Yellow Pearl moved closer. “Because I give you my word.”

In the chronic unworthiness, Blue Pearl remained silent, although she had managed to cry a single tear that was wiped from her face by her friend’s pale hand. Little that Yellow Pearl knew, Blue Pearl had kept her expressionless face only to shield her from seeing how angry she was, despite the fact that there was something in her eyes was clearly stating that she wasn't over that and that she would never be. Her form trembled, her eyes closed, and her mind remembered her planned revenge. She would think about it that night and the night after that, and the night after that.

Until she destroyed the gems that took her Diamond's life, she would not pause, she would not falter,

She will get her revenge, or die trying.


	17. S.I.N.K

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue Diamond wakes in a strange place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STOP! READ ME!  
> this chapter is unchanged, people! So just because I edited it it doesn't mean big plot changes or anything...  
> Thank you for your time.

Darkness.

Spreading as far as the eye could see, and covering all of the world, darkness was all what she could see. Blue Diamond shivered in the confines of her bubble prison, and tried helplessly, with no avail, to get noticed by someone, anyone, so she would be finally freed from this terrible place. Sadly, no one answered her desperate calls, and she was left all alone to shake in fright. She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands, crying. Things have gone terribly wrong. There was something wrong with Yellow and she could see it from the first time she tried to punch her inside that barn. She had felt something else lurking deep inside the other Diamond, and she was scared of it. That's why she had remained silent, trying to mask the full-scale meltdown occurring inside her and failing. All of her organs felt like pin cushions, and her legs wouldn't move, but she didn't want to move them, she was far too busy, thinking of what was different about the other gem.

A strange feeling simmered inside her, and she breathed in and exhaled slowly, trying to make it go away.

Her eyes.

There was something wrong with her eyes.

And that was just the start. Her movements, her words, her form, she wasn't the same person anymore. Blue couldn't understand. All those things… ~~_I'm_~~ ~~_ the one to blame.  _ ~~ No. It was something else, something wrong. She was too monstrous to be the gem that Blue knew. Was it the work of Rose Quartz’s tactics? Or has all that misguided anger and pain finally took over? Maybe White was to blame, for doing such a  _ good job  _ in making Yellow  _ tougher _ , but Blue can't judge her, knows what Pink was to her… And stops. Thinking about the past will get her nowhere. But she was in nowhere, wasn't she? This place sent shivers down her spine, and she couldn't shake off the feeling of being chained to something bigger and scarier than she could imagine, lurking somewhere deep inside the blackness surrounding her. Was this how bubbled gems felt, trapped helplessly in oblivion with no means of escape?

Her neck hurt badly,

And her entire being was practically destroyed, shut down.

She was sick of that constant feeling of a (Corrupted) Blue-Diamond-shaped mold restricting her form's movement, leaving her mind free to wander. But wander where? Sink in the dark with nothing but a silent scream to haunt the vacancy of this bubble for all eternity?

Maybe, it doesn't look like a bad idea.

Out of the blue, a small crack appeared at a corner of the blackness’ infinite stretch, and out of this crack, lights and voices streamed in. She didn't have a better thing to do, but she was almost frightened of what she might hear. Still, it wasn't like she had anything better to do, so she crawled towards the tiny window of the world and listened closely.

“Don’t touch that bubble, Steven.”

She recognized that voice.

Oh my stars.

**_ That fusion. _ **

Despite sounding older, it was that same fusion that escaped her court so many years ago. It was keeping her inside this cursed thing. With a groan and a hint of discomfort, she moves away once more, her limbs stiff and her hands twitching. It's probably because her neck was broken, and now she is presumed dead. Indeed, this “presumed” thing isn't entirely correct, but to be safe, she is almost presumed completely and utterly a dead person who is capable, somehow, of motion and speech. Yes, this is quite correct.

She fell on the floor, laying on her side, and continued to stare at that miniscule vision she had of anything living. She curled up into a ball on the icy surface, and hoped that somebody or something might free her from this horrible place, or that her only hope in this world pieces itself back together, and that somehow, somebody might save Yellow Diamond from herself.

Perhaps, someone might.

The window’s colors shifted, like a small kaleidoscope, and soon soft yellow light was spilling into her void, completing it and filling her with life again, even if it was weak.

This might seem foolish, but, this way…

This feeling~

Naturally, it wasn't supposed to exist. It doesn't have a name, there is nothing like it~

It felt as if Yellow Diamond’s eternal energy was filling her, making her complete~

Giving her that narcotic feeling.

A mixture of so many emotions, peace was one of them, ecstasy…

Regret..

A cluster of all of what made her want to live, broken by one, irrational thought~

_ Heh ~ _

She had no idea, that Yellow Diamond was holding the bubble gently in what seemed to be an apologetic embrace, trying to make herself feel a little less horrible, her tears running down the bubble's delicate surface.

That feeling again.

What was it?

_ “...You're perfect to me…” _

It was unnatural, impossible. It wasn't what she was supposed to feel. That strange sensation, making her feel bitten by some venomous creature and slowly dying, falling and not having anyone to break her fall, was eating up her insides. Nobody will save her this time. She wasn't going to be helped now, and she wasn't going to be helped later. She was done. Gone.

Lost.

~~_ She is right. She is absolutely right. I'm a terrible monster. A creep. I made her life miserable and made her suffer when I could've saved her all THOSE TIMES~ Why is this happening to me?! Why me? Why am I still alive!? Someone please get me out of this horrible place I can't HANDLE IT~ _ ~~

~~_ Yellow, please, please forgive me…. _ ~~

~~_...I'm sorry... _ ~~

Like fall claims the heat of summer, and winter claims the life of fall, Yellow Diamond had murdered her. Coldblooded and brutal, just like so many gems who she had fought, she had changed to the worse. Blue had seen this happen so many times, to so many people, and she knew. She knew that she, if she had the chance, would've killed Yellow right there and then, so why did she feel so burned? So betrayed? She was filled with imperfections, unlike she had claimed so many times. She was imperfect, just like anyone, just like anything.

~~_...I failed you… _ ~~

~~_...I'm nothing more than a failure... _ ~~

And then the warmth of the other's gem stopped these thoughts. So she just stayed there, eyes closed and form completely still. She felt quiet, at peace. Finally and gratefully at peace, tranquilized by the never-ending comfort of Yellow Diamond's arms.

Oh, yes. That was the feeling.

A soft voice was filling her consciousness, lulling her to sleep, or making her last moments a little bit more quiet. All what she could hear was that voice, even when her vision dulled, and even when her mind was cut off from circulation, because Yellow Diamond's gem is filled with whatever magic that makes it happen.

Its light breaks loosens the choking darkness around her, and those golden eyes, as mystic as her flawless gem, stare at her from a form as dark as a coal mine and as warm as a summer night.

And those wonderful arms are around her.

And her entire form~

It's just~

The thoughts fade, die, and dissipate as her form goes limp, sounds of the earthly night inhabiting every cavity of her mind, and she was gone. Sleeping to the mournful voice of her old love.

“...Sink, Blue, sink….Sink deep inside that sea… Where all your old friends wait…. Where we all shall be … Sink, Blue Diamond, sink…”

“...Sink with me… Deep in that sea…”

“...Where all gems shall be…”

***

The only remaining leader of Homeworld (not that she knows it, of course,) dips her hand inside a control panel, her eyes filling up with lines of data, trying to focus and keeping her head together. It wasn't working, so she grunts, and her thumb and index finger settle on the bridge of her nose. She reviews a colonization report from Blue’s archives, finding several energy losses as well as technical problems. Faulty injectors, defective gems, (how old was this thing anyway?) She tried reconstructing the default foundations of the kindergartens, but she was completely unable to focus. She tried even to punch a wall in her anger. But it wasn't enough, because everything inside her was covered in a layer of unprofessional foil made out of memories and nostalgia. 

Even when she was completely drowning in work, her vision was being obstructed by a hazy grey fog, and all the good moments maintained an abnormal gloom.

_ No. Don't think about it. _

She tired to convince herself that it was just a phase, that Blue and Yellow will be right back and she wouldn't have to wait, but she was upset by all what was happening. The last time she had felt this way was when Pink…

No.  _Nonononononononono…. Don't think about it… Don't think about it… Don't think about it.. **Don't think about it!**_

She could only think about it. Pink was gone. She was  _** dead ** _ ,  and that stupid Rose Quartz was to blame. Was she? After all, it was White who made her, so that means she killed Pink, right? She was ths one to blame. It was all her fault. She had cared for Pink like what other organic lifeforms might call a daughter, she raised her, took care of her, did her best to shield her from this world's treachery.

But it wasn't enough.

Nothing, after all,  _** was  ** _ enough.

And now, she was gone. White couldn't shake off that horrendous feeling that she had caused this tragedy, and now was about to cause another one by sending Blue to Earth.

She closed her eyes.

She just wished Yellow was here, so she could take out all of her rage and frustration on someone.

But she always did that, didn't she? Always took everyone's sufferings and pains because she was so  good and  _**pure...** _ Blue was the colonizer, White was the leader, Pink  **_ used to  _ ** be the commander, and Yellow…

She hid a smirk.

Yellow was her official punching bag.


	18. Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days pass...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a looong one

Static.

_ … I don't believe it… _

_ … White… White, look. It's another gem…. _

_ …. Hey, be careful, Blue…. It worked, it's a Diamond…. _

_ … Look at her eyes, White… Isn't she marvelous?... _

_.. Oh… Yes, she is… Very marvelous.. _

_.. Pink. We'll name her Pink… _

 

Another stretched period of static and disordered noise.

Then those amber eyes fly open.

The entire world was blinded by a bright white light, projected from the malfunctioning neon above. Yellow looked around her, her entire form tensing up at the sudden discovery of these old, rusted metal chains tying her up and holding her down onto the chilly, elevated surface of an examination table. Her eyes became wide, and she began to kick and struggle but with no avail, the anxiety inside her rising and filling her with dread. She was trembling, every single cell inside her body begging and pleading for mercy, any sort of help that could save her from this horrendous scene. She kicked even harder, trying to set herself free and failing miserably. In her head, images and voices, too disoriented and wild to make sense that messed up all thoughts which had seemed so important before, remained destroyed with each and every wail and cry surrounding her. Static was filling her vision and turning her world into a broken matrix, her mind reeling in reaction to the terrifying conditions she found herself in. All around her, darkness crawled closer, the mental screams and pictures increasing and invading every remaining instinct she had left. There were thousands of them, and all of them were yelling at her.

_ W-what are you doing?! Get away- stop it! _

_ Make yourself useful. Destroy those rebels and make yourself useful. _

_ YOU ARE DEFECTIVE! WORTHLESS! WHAT COULD MAKE ME SPARE A GEM LIKE YOU?! _

_ Put that sword down! Don't- don't point it at me! No, don't do this! Wait- NO! _

_ YOU MONSTER! _

Broken gems, chipped gems,  _ pain \-  suffering \-  ** death ** _ .

Each and every one of her crimes, all coming back, all intent on tearing her apart. She cried, begging them to just go away, to just leave her alone.

Then the noise grew louder with the unexpected arrival of a mysterious gem, one that was entirely covered in some dark material that turned out to be no other than the shadows that haunted her mind, stretching around the figure and defying all laws of science. The gem approached from the head of the same platform on which Yellow was pinned to. It gave a disgusted scowl, its bright yellow eyes narrowing. _“_ _ Do stop whimpering.”  _ It growled, reaching out with one clawed hand and gripping the Diamond's hair, yanking her head back and leaning forward, staring right through her.

A lot of gems seemed to do that…

After a few moments of silence, the figure spoke again, crooking its head.  _ “You're making this boring, with all your miserable squirming. Honestly, show some courage. ”  _ It said, raising yet another hand so she could see it, revealing its dark, sickly yellow color. _“_ _ Oh, I know. How about this…” _

Said hand was suddenly swarmed with electricity, emitting an insane amount of energy. Some stray sparks ran down the gem’s wrist and arm, disappearing into the endless darkness within.  _ “Let's make this a little more… Interesting… Shall we?” _

Terror shot through her systems, paralyzing her and making her eyes diluate into pinpricks as she gaped at the hand looming above, everything becoming silent for a split second.

That, until the hand came down.

Screaming, and she woke up, body drenched with sweat and shaking all over. The familiar place comforted her a little. She was at the barn now, not at… wherever that was. She tried to convince herself that she was safe now, she was here on Earth and nothing could kill her here. She wasn't going to get hurt here.

They were lies.

Thousands and thousands of lies.

She gazed into the darkness of the night for a few moments, silent tears escaping her eyes and leaving the fabric of her uniform tearstained. The static still blurred her vision, and it wasn't going away. In fact, it was altering the world in front of her, making things red and black and basically nightmarish, turning her own hands into hideous clawlike abominations. Closing her eyes, she tried to block out the visions of her morbid corruption, choosing not to face the horrible scene of reality.

She reached back, slowly, trying to hold in her immense terror, to feel her head. The sensation of the thing's talons was still there, ripping at her hair. Nothing was there, and she was all alone, so she curled up into a ball and cried like she had never done before. This pain was invading her, coming from all ways possible. Her body hurt, her mind hurt, her soul hurt… Everything. Even her gem suffered from a faint throbbing pain that made the situation even worse.

And it all started with that fight.

She couldn't fight back the guilt and anger that went deep inside, sinking into her very core. She killed someone. She literally and really killed someone. And not just any someone. She killed Blue without even thinking twice.

Why?

Why was everything like this?

_ Why must you torture me so? _

Why did it hurt so much, like a terrible, throbbing headache that wouldn't go away.. It wasn't something physical that could be treated, nor was it some sort of sickness or virus. It was a type of…

_** Pain ** _

That couldn't be fixed simply with medicine or rest. It was all mental. And it was too much for her. No way to escape the agony. No escape from the never ending suffering. Such a pain was unlike anything she had ever faced. It didn't have a cure, it was simply unfixable. The issue was mental, not physical. There was no escape, no magic spell, nothing. She was stuck forever and…

**_ Wait. _ **

A thought flashed through her mind. A thought so insane and dangerous, that it made her shiver just to think of it. Maybe she could…. Try something different. Not get rid of the pain, but just… Change its form. Yes. That would be  a lot  easier. She might not be able to get rid of the hallucinatory static, but this could help her… Cope with the corruption, and she had a perfect tool for such a plan right downstairs, so what was stopping her?

It wasn't her will to do so that was disturbed. It was the main idea that was sick. Trying to….  _ Ugh _ . Hurting herself in order to feel a temporary relief of a pain she was inflicting upon her own form?  _ No. A foolish plan. _

_ Yes. _

_ No. _

_ Yes. _

This was pointless. Internal conflict always made things difficult to decide. It was constantly getting in the way of her work and life one way or another, making her useless. The word itself sent shivers down her spine, forcing her to make up her mind, and slip down the stairs leading down to the ground floor.

Usually, the expression “sleep on it” means something along the lines of “use your supposed sleeping time to bother yourself with a dilemma while attempting to actually get some rest in order to think of a solution in the morning” which is something very difficult to do if you lived in Antarctica during summertime or were Yellow Diamond during that fateful night. It's, of course, very annoying when someone tells you to sleep on it, because you would prefer to sleep on something much more comfortable than a problem, and like many people, you might not find the problem as proper sleeping material, much like a lumpy mattress or a board of nails. It's also very uncomfortable to think about something that you've been trying to sleep on, just like the way Yellow Diamond felt as she found what she was looking for, an old, yet sharp penknife that might've belonged to an explorer in Greg Universe’s extended family. So when she got back up to the loft, said penknife dangling from her pocket and wrists covered in a set of tiny slashes and cuts, she felt like she would be forced to sleep on it, and as always, she would never speak of it again.

It was the darkest secret she would ever keep to herself, simply because she was forced to.  _ What would the gems say if they found out what I did? _ She thought as she touched her left wrist with trembling fingers, wincing as she looked at her own late-night handiwork.  _ They would be disgusted. They would say I'm a freak. _

She hid underneath the twisted and disfigured sheets, breathing shallow and quick and wholly unnecessary as she wept once more. She was a Diamond. She was supposed to be strong, complete, perfect. Entirely without flaw.

But there was nothing she could do.

|||

Days passed, and like anyone who saved the Earth from a deadly threat, the Crystal Gems took this as a sign to kick back and relax a bit. Blue Diamond had reformed eventually after a certain pink feline accidentally tore through her bubble and was tossed into another, and a much bigger one in a very undignified manner (aka: by gauntlets) and had to sit there indefinitely, which was the important thing Peridot had come to tell her.

“INDEFINITELY?!” She screamed, throwing her arms up in the air dramatically. “You can't keep me here forever you wasted clump of minerals! I'm a clodding Diamond! ”

“We might be able to if you keep degrading yourself.” Peridot crossed her arms. “As a matter of fact,” she stated, looking unmoved by the blue gem's peculiar speech patterns, “we already can. You see, you nearly colonized the Earth, killed Yellow Diamond…”

“And got betrayed in the process! Plus, that doesn't count, she killed me first!” Despite what the Diamond had said, Peri continued to count on her fingers, thinking of other various evil deeds the matriarch has done. “Oh, and you tried to eat Steven's magic feline creature, which almost got my approval.”

“It was a scare tactic!” Blue groaned, pressing her face against the pink bubble's surface and baring her sharp teeth at the technician who smirked. “Like this!”

“You look like a clod being choked by another clod who is also choking. Inside a fusion.”

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of approaching footsteps and a hearty “Did someone here say ‘fusion’?” called out to the green gem. The new arrival was slightly far from the two, but Peri gave a wave, and Blue hissed loudly enough for them to hear. Blue Diamond didn't have to look to know who it was. The perma-fusion, also commonly dubbed as “Garnet”: Everyone’s favorite relationship. Making her way over to the two gems, Garnet smiled at Peridot, before looking at the bubble and gratefully avoiding a fit of laughter. There was still a Blue-Diamond-shaped smear on the bubble’s surface, and the situation looked quite comical, with Blue constantly flapping and tripping inside her bubble, faceplanting into the slippery surface.

“Hello Peridot. Hello Dumb-Gem-I-Don't-Speak-To.”

Blue could've been easily mistaken for a gem monster.

“AAARRRGGH!”

The two gems laughed. “You can be very entertaining sometimes.” Peri said, leaning on Garnet for support as she caught her breath. “We should bring Amethyst here again, she'd love it!”

“Sorry, Peridot. Not this time. Amethyst’s with Steven and Yellow. They're gonna teach her to eat.”

Peridot suddenly jumped up in excitement. “This would be hilarious! I'd love to see her try all that sour food Earth has to offer!”

Blue Diamond, however, seemed to be tranquilized by the mention of her fellow Diamond, who had purposefully ignored her for the past few days since her regeneration. Every time Yellow would pass the blue gem, she would pretend there was no one there. She did that continuously too, and at a seemingly daily basis. Sometimes, if another gem like Peridot, Pearl or Amethyst were there, Yellow would ignore them too.

She was ignoring everyone. Even Steven. And when she would really, really have to talk, all her answers were vague and short.

It was almost like she was regressing back to her cold, heartless self.

The gems kept optimistic outlooks on the situation, saying it was just temporary and she'd be back to normal in no time.

They were wrong. It wasn't even chronic, it was more than that. Yellow was always trapped inside her own thoughts one way or another, always confused and always angry. She would never talk normally to anyone because she was always too preoccupied, too busy. Too busy with hiding her injuries, too busy with her night “habit”, too busy with her corruption, it was all too much.

It was torture. Complete and utter mental torture.

The pale gem couldn't deal with the stress this put upon her. It was unbearable, a weight bearing down on her mind with no end.

It hurt her to avoid her lover and her friends like this, but, what choice did she have? If they knew…

They'd hate her.

They'd hurt her.

They'd make her wish she was dead.

They'd do horrible things to her.

No. She couldn't say anything to anyone. Not even Blue.

|||

A heavy boot collided with the young Diamond's stomach, sending her to the floor. She curled up, holding herself tightly and trying not to retreat. The pain was awful, but she knew that if she did, White would finish her off there and then. “Go ahead! Hide in your pathetic excuse for a gem!” The aforementioned gem yelled, an evil smirk finding its way onto her face. “If you do so, don't expect to come back again!” Yellow saw her superior approaching menacingly, a terrifying, murderous gleam in her eyes. She began to cry, shivering and shrinking back in fright. With one fluid motion, White Diamond reached down and got hold of the front of other's shirt, yanking her up and summoning her weapon, the flaming blade pressed up against the young gem's neck, burning her skin and causing her to cry harder. She tried to pry the other’s fist open, so White scowled at the smaller gem’s attempts to make her stop and shook her head, the smirk returning, more evil and murderous then ever. “You miserable prick. I should probably finish you off right now and save Rose the trouble, although she might be a little disappointed with not being able to kill you. Tell me, bitch. What good are you when you can't even walk two steps without someone telling you what to do?”

She didn't answer, and White tightened her hold on Yellow’s shirt, her sharp fingers beginning to leave marks on the other's skin. “Answer me.”

“P-please… I- I can’t… I d-on't k-know….” She sobbed pitifully, hoping that her shirt would tear under the pressure and that she would be able to run away somehow. To her dismay, it didn't. White's expression became unreadable for a second, before she gave a terrible, morbid laugh. “Are you serious? You're so weak. It would be a shame it your gem got cracked because of a little… Accident… And you would be nothing but a worthless pile of trash. Oh, hold on,

_ It already is…” _

White slammed her into a nearby wall, the fist grabbing her pressing up against her gem with an unbearable pressure. She opened her eyes for a second to see the horrifying grin on the pale gem's face before…

_ CRACK! _

Pain shot through her form, and she screamed in pain, her entire body glitching in and out of existence. It was nothing like she had ever experienced, more horrible and vicious than anything anyone had ever done to her. However, when she did, the pressure on her throat increased, the sharp end of the weapon beginning to cut through her skin. She stopped shivering and prepared to die,

Until a familiar voice boomed from behind.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!”

the two gems looked around to find Blue Diamond in the now open doorway, eyes burning with a furious flame and broadsword in hand. With all her determined anger, she looked like a lioness ready to rip into a bitch. White instantly dropped Yellow onto the floor, the smallest of the three yelping and crawling behind the blue gem who was still yelling. “I SAID, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!”

The pale gem seemed unmoved by the immense fury visible in Blue’s voice, and kept a stony frown, as if she was simply upset that all the fun was over. "Just taking out some trash, what do you think I'm doing?”

Blue narrowed her eyes, her sword beginning to spark with navy lightning.  Her voice was lower now, and Yellow was clinging tightly to the back of her outfit, but the anger was still there, boiling steadily. “Why did you crack her?”

“I did nothing wrong. As a matter of fact, she wanted this.”

“Do you think I'm an idiot?”

White rolled her eyes and declined to answer.

Blue knew that talking to White was getting her nowhere, so she walked away with one last threat and a hiss at the other Diamond who smirked again as soon as the navy gem turned around. Yellow looked back for a second, and saw the wild haired gem smirking evilly and giving her a small wave. She even mouthed “you're not getting away so easily, bitch.” A chill ran up her spine, so she looked away, and walked even faster as Blue led her to her own tower. As soon as they had gotten far enough, Blue banished her broadsword, seemingly a little relived that she didn't have to carry it anymore.

It was when Yellow glitched again that Blue stops, and holds both of her hands. “We’re far enough. Look, I'm going to take you so we can get you fixed up, and then I want you at my room as soon as you get out of there. If I know White, and I know White, she's going to try and snatch you again when I'm not looking. I don't want her to hurt you like this again or… Worse. I know you're still shaken up, and you probably think I'm a jerk because I'm acting like this, but I don't want you corrupted, and it's not a good thing.” She started walking outside, helping the other gem get on her shaky feet. She looked at Yellow, who was holding onto her hand and sniffling. “Don't worry,” Blue said, trying to comfort her. “I'm not letting her hurt you again.”

_ “I'm not letting her hurt you again.” _

_ “I'm not letting her hurt you…” _

Yellow opens her eyes slowly. It's just another dream, although she wished it wasn't. She remains still this time, frozen in place, only managing to pull the covers closer around her and closing her eyes. She tries to remember some of the details concerning her dream, failing to and ripping through the sheets with her sharp fingers in frustration. She groans, sitting up in bed and hugging her knees, desperate. These nightmares were increasing, and she wanted so badly to try and ask somebody for help, but her own terror and paranoia were making this impossible. Those dreams… Those dreams were just horrible. Visions of her life, her past, the things she missed and the things she was lucky enough to escape. She was conflicted, wanting to come back but also afraid to do so, and her nightmares weren't making this dilemma easier. In fact, they were making her more exhausted than ever, rendering her useless. She wanted to cry, to yell, to scream, but nothing came out. She was hurting, and not a little. Inside her head, she could still see the oddly inverted eyes of White Diamond, staring at her from across the murky darkness. She wished someone would pull her out of the blackness of her mind, and keep her safe. She couldn't fall forever, but the pain inside her form was increasing, intensifying, making her want to retreat back into her gem, but she already did, and she couldn't think of another excuse than accidentally hurting herself with the drill. She wanted to run away, to hide from the world, but she couldn't. the pain inside her, the one caused by her own self-destruction, was overwhelming, cutting up her insides and making her feel like she wanted to die.

In fact, she didn't even think so much about the terror of it.

Death wasn't as terrible to her as it was before. She didn't care anymore. No, she  _ couldn't _ care anymore. It was like something inside her had collapsed upon itself, just snapped shut, crushing her from within, making her malfunction.

In the span of nine days, she was completely gone.

They didn't know how, or when did it start. All they knew was that she just… Stopped.

Stopped smiling…

Stopped appearing…

Stopped feeling…

 

** Stopped living. **

 

All she could ever feel and know was pain. She couldn't know why she cried anymore. She was falling apart, but she didn't even care. The 

So maybe she can turn that pain into something else…

Absentmindedly, she summons her weapon, the sharp sword sparkling so nonchalantly in the waning moonlight. She stares at the sharp end of the blade, her pupils diluting in reaction to the beams of light reflecting off the unearthly iron. Slowly, in what seemed to be an eternity, she moves the sword to point it directly at her gem, some sparkles of yellow electricity transferring between the two.

“I can't.”

The words were playing on loop in her head.

“I can't… I can't…”

But she could.

She could see the brief reflection of herself in the glistening blade of her weapon, the horror visible on her face. She could feel the empty darkness, filling her from within. She could hear the terrible voices, urging her on and telling her it was what she deserved. She was defective. Defective. Gems are immortal beings, as long as their cores were undamaged. They are perfect, flawless, complete, but she is not like them. She is defective. A defective gem is better off shattered. A defective gem is useless. A defective gem is nothing, and she is one. She stared at the blade in her hands, and felt a chilling sense of comfort in the sight. She didn't want this, but somehow… She did?

She didn't know what she wanted anymore. A huge part of her wanted to be at peace, calm, quiet. It wanted her to simply… Cease to exist, or give up living altogether. She wanted that too, but didn't know how. Another part of her wants to be heard. Wants to be loud, angry, violent. Wants to scream and yell and make itself known. Wants to fill the void deep in her soul. That part scared her, made her panic. She didn't even want to think about what would happen to her if she lost to this part, or what would happen to everyone else if she did. She just wanted to be whole again. She didn't want to feel so...

Yellow just didn't want to feel so…

_ Wrong. _

_ Dead. _

_ Lost. _

_** Empty. ** _

_** So  empty. ** _

So she brings the blade closer to herself, shivering. It nearly touches the facet, almost nicking her gemstone. The panic inside her rises, and the sharp knife in her hands begins to tremble ever so slightly. Her hands steady themselves, as she opens her eyes, choosing to confront the world with her final realization.

Her voice is dead, cold, empty. Void of every emotion.

“I deserve this.”

She moves the blade back, then…

Impact.

Then pain.

Hot, searing pain.

She wants to cry, to wail, but holds it in.  _ They can't hear me, they can't come. They can't see me… Not like this. _

Her trembling hand feels the surface of her gem, and there it is. A long, jagged crack running down the shining surface of the vibrant yellow gemstone. Her hands hurt as well, and she realizes that the blade has broken in pieces during that hit, and now, the splinters were wedged in both of her palms, making them shudder uncontrollably. She makes her way outside, unable to remain in darkness anymore, and goes to the back of the barn, finding a group of discarded objects, including a mirror, a hammer, an old drill, and what seemed to be a piece of wood from the roof of the human structure. She collapses on the grass, panicking, shivering, clinging… Clinging to what?! Her eyes catch her reflection in the mirror, more terrified and confused than angry.

She is pale. So pale.

And death seemed to be written in those dulling, weak orbs.

She looks so dead,

So she lets herself cry.

Due to exhaustion, and severe agony, the Diamond passes out right there, her form trembling slightly as she lay on the ground, her energy overflowing and scorching the nearby rocks and wood, although it sets nothing on fire, thankfully. A few hours pass,

Then Yellow wakes up on the grass, in the early hours of dawn, although she has no way of telling.

Everything is mixed up and glitching, or maybe she is the one who is glitching. Her gem is broken, after all. The world is a vibrating mess of optical illusions, and the searing pain inside her is spreading through her muscles and rendering her limp. Still, she gets up, and decides she must try to hide her broken gemstone from those Crystal Gems. She's not going to let them help her because they simply aren't going to. If they find out, she'll be in even more terrible pain then and she would wish that she was dead, gone.

She materializes something -a cape- to hide her injury, hoping it was good enough. She can't see her reflection properly and it annoys her but she still hopes it's good enough. She doesn't want to be fixed. She hurt gems, she nearly destroyed the Earth, she forced thousands of gems together just for the purpose of doing so. She can't see the good in her. Whatever Steven saw in her…

_ Whatever he saw in me, I sure can't see it. _

_ There isn't any good in me. _

_ I should probably die away, or make it a little less traumatizing for everyone when it happens. _

_ Yeah, at least I'm good enough for that. _

Tears sting the corners of her eyes and before she knows it, she begins to cry. Cries because she is useless. Cries because she sealed her fate. Cries because her only purpose was never fulfilled. Cries… Because she is now empty, and it's killing her. Destroying her.

She isn't feeling dead.

She  ** is ** dead.

|||

Blue Diamond lay down inside her pink bubble, courtesy of Steven's gem powers, and stared up at the sky above. It was worse than Homeworld’s new sky, but at least she could see the aforementioned galaxy from here. Also, this sky was a lot more… What was the word? Yes, unique. It had a certain calmness to it, void of anything but the shining stars and the occasional human air vessel passing with its blinking lights. Way better than Homeworld’s airspace, which was filled with airships at a daily basis. The calm atmosphere and the quiet landscape were more than comforting, and it, oddly, gave her a sense of uneasiness. She was worried about Yellow and she couldn't shake off the feeling that the other was in pain, but… Yellow didn't want anything to do with her anymore and she made that clear, right? She was avoiding her and not letting her say anything about it. She looked up at the stars again, and sighed. If there was only a way to help Yellow Diamond without her direct interference, a way to make the other feel a little better, even if it was temporary, and then she remembers how she hurt Yellow on purpose and didn't hesitate to attack her with her blade. What made her do that? She thought, burying her face into her hands, resisting the urge to yell out in frustration. She was overwhelmed and confused, filled with emotions from many, many years ago, that had been hitting a wall whenever they would try to emerge, but that wall was demolished by Yellow’s furious outburst, and now she was vulnerable, controlled by her turbulent emotions. Now, all those feelings made her feel guilty, remorseful, upset, angry at herself and whatever made her do such evil things. She sighed again, crossing her arms and hoping that she could help somehow. But whenever she does anything, it results in a tragedy. Colonizing Earth, failed. Bringing Rose Quartz to justice, screwup. Convincing Yellow to just go back home, a complete failure. She was always messing up, always failing, always the idiot. She was always to blame when something went wrong because she was the one who was the reason of the problem. She looked at the entrance to the barn, a regretful look in her eyes. She wanted so desperately to fix things, and she wasn't sure if it would work, but she wanted to try, maybe she would prove that she wasn't as dumb as she thought she was. Heck, she even abandoned her Pearl. The poor thing must be really upset right now. She just wanted to get up and slash through that bubble, go to Yellow and beg her for forgiveness, no matter how pathetic that might sound, but she couldn't. She just couldn't. She was stuck, helpless. Hopeless. Foolish. Never good enough.

The best thing she could do was love Yellow like she did.

But she couldn't even do  _ that  _ anymore.

Nothing. Empty. A mistake.

She was a mistake.

Blue was evil.

Completely and wholly evil.

She was a monster.

That fusion… That fusion was right. She was right.

_ She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right... _

Her own voice cut through the unnerving silence. “You were right.”

_ She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right She was right... _

That fusion was right.

Blue wasn't good for anything.

She hurt everyone and everything. All she could do was cause pain. Hurt gems, humans, planets, and things in between. Nothing was safe when she was alive. The only thing that was making her useful was Yellow. She was helping her be good, be somewhat perfect, make her life a little less filled with suffering. But even that was gone now. What use was she? She was a killer, a destroyer, a causer of terror and agony. 

She needed Yellow back as soon as possible, or she might break under the pressure of her own guilt.

She needed Yellow right now,

or she just might wound up dead.

|||

Blue Pearl checked her spear summoning for the last time, when Yellow Pearl walked in, a little concerned but still supporting of the other's plan for retrieving Blue Diamond from the rebel base. She stopped short when she caught sight of the deadly weapon in the other's hands, but relaxed when Blue Pearl smiled at her. “Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you, stupid.” Her spear disappeared, and Yellow Pearl seemed to be a little relieved. She moved closer to the pale blue gem, fists clenched in front of her and a hopeful smile on her face. “Let's do this.”

That smile was fake.

“Yeah. You're not fighting.”

“What?!”

Blue Pearl sighed, moving to Yellow Pearl’s side and wrapping an arm around her waist. “Buddy, you're a technician. Not a fighter. I taught myself to fight after seeing that renegade Pearl slash through a thousand gems and come out unscathed. That was hot, so I wanted to do the same to impress you. Don't smile like that, you still don't impress me.”

The smug smile that appeared briefly on Yellow Pearl's face vanished. She looked a little disappointed, and Blue Pearl ruffled her hair. “Don't worry. You're still going to be my backup.” She said brightly, hoping that Yellow Pearl would stop looking so sad.

“But why don't you let me fight with you?”

“I don't want you to get hurt. These rebels are dangerous, and who knows what sort of tech they have?” She put both of her hands on the other's shoulders and facing her with a strange look in her eyes. “You are the most important thing in my life, and I don't want to see those gems do anything bad to you. If they did, I don't know what I might do to them.”

“I care about you too! You can't go and fight all by yourself! What if... What if you don't come back?”

“I will, don't worry.”

Yellow Pearl managed a genuine smile, and Blue Pearl smiled too. The two hugged each other, and felt the moment's peace engulf them with a warmness like no other.They stayed like this for a few hours, the silence broken occasionally by Yellow Pearl's sniffling or the quiet shushing from Blue Pearl who rubbed the other's back gently, comforting her friend. They would head into battle soon, and they were terrified, uncertain, and anxious, but they were still sure that they would go through it together, pushing each other to their limits and supporting one another when things would spin out of control.

They were Pearls, yes,

But they were in this together. And they weren't going to go back now. They had each other, and that,

That was more than any victory or prize. They were young, and inexperienced, but that was just unimportant. They were their own gems, and that was what really mattered.

Together, they would save their Diamonds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, who doesn't like feels?  
> Comments/reviews are very appreciated.


	19. Agreements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatever.

The Diamond looked over at Steven. All around her, pink glitter and dust was settling on the floor. In her hand, a long navy broadsword was disappearing into the night. Her eyes were shining unnaturally, as if she was angry and hungry at the same time, but she was neither this nor that. The remains of the bubble still hung on to her clothing, and she shook them off, a genuine apology coming out from her.

“Sorry about that.”

Steven smiled for a minute, glad to discover she was not intent on harming him, and reached out a hand. “It's okay. Come on, she's in the barn.” With a moment of hesitation, Blue Diamond took the half-gem’s hand cautiously, and walked alongside him as he lead her to the human settlement. She couldn't believe what was happening. She was finally getting to talk with Yellow, since the latter had requested her freedom, and she felt uneasy. At worst, it all seemed fake, blasphemous, and at best, it seemed like a illegible dream being finally figured out, only to become mangled all over again. Why was she being like this, especially after she had purposefully avoided her for the past few weeks? She inwardly shook, not wanting the human hybrid to get suspicious. The barn was quiet, except for a slight movement upstairs in what seemed to be the second floor. Blue stopped in her tracks, her  eyes widening, but Steven assured her, saying that it was okay and that she shouldn't worry. He almost seemed to recognize the sounds.

That must be her.

Steven, as expected, led her to the source of the noise, and they climbed up some stairs, which took some effort, and finally were inside the loft, staring silently at a lone figure on what seemed to be a bed. Finally, they were facing the pale gem, or at least, her back. Steven approached the gem, and leaned over so he could see her face. “I got her here.” He said, referring to Blue, obviously, and the aforementioned gem could see a faint outline of the yellow one's reflection in those wide, black juvenile eyes. Yellow muttered something to him, possibly in the lines of “leave us alone.” Because the boy left, with a small innocent wave to the two. Blue stared at the air where Steven had disappeared for a few seconds, making no move to approach the other. “... He's… Such a nice kid, right?” She said eventually, trying to avoid looking at Yellow Diamond who was still in her previous pose. “Yeah. Nice.” The gem said, not turning around. Blue took a step forward, trying to get to see the other's face. She was worried, really worried. Yellow looked like she had changed, flipped 180 degrees, stopped being herself anymore, yeah. All those phrases were perfect to describe her state. She was closing up on herself, shutting everyone out, and the worst part was… Her voice. It was dead, dull, lifeless, mechanical.

It was almost like someone came and ripped her soul right out of her chest. Well, maybe someone did.

“Uh… Yellow? You okay? You sound kinda… Different.”

“I'm fine.”

Step…

The blue gem tried again. “Are you… Are you sure?”

Step… 

The answer to this was a halfhearted nod.

Step…

“Yellow. You're lying to me, right?”

Step…

“No.”

Step.

Blue Diamond froze. She was inches from Yellow's back. If she dared, if she could, she could reach out and try to touch the yellow gem’s shoulder, if she really, really wanted to, and she did so desperately want to, so she did. It was **_ Freezing Cold. _ **

_ What the…? _

She retreated her hand quickly, feeling the coldness render her fingers numb and directing a very confused and terrified glance at her fellow Diamond who finally turned her head and looked Blue in the eye, and Blue gasped at the horrible state of pain her comrade was sustaining. “You… What happened to you?! What did they do to you?!” Her face was pale, her eyes were wide, and her gaze could never leave the other's dulled eyes, but there was anger there as well and Yellow could feel it.  _ I knew she would be mad…  _ She thought, suddenly regretting all of this.  _ Why did I even listen to them? _ Yellow was breathing heavily and noisily, making it look like a very difficult task. For a minute, she didn't say anything and only sat there, her form occasionally spilling sparks of electricity from her fingertips and almost scorching the fabric of her cape. Then she sighed, and it was full of pain. Blue could even feel it, see it in her eyes.

“They said…. They said they were worried about me.” She says, not moving at all despite Blue's expectations. “They knew I was upset about… What happened and… When they said they could make us together again I… Y-you’re not angry…. Are you?” She looked up worriedly at the older gem, who felt a wave of guilt flooding her systems. Her expression softened, and she knelt in front of the other, holding Yellow’s hands in hers and shaking her head. “No, no, no. It's not your fault. I'm not angry or anything, I'm just… I’ve only seen you like this once and it was terrible back then, you even... I mean, I'm just worried about you.” She brushed the other's hair back, not missing the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. Yellow tried to wipe them away, but she couldn't do so with Blue holding her hands the way she did. “I'm… I'm sorry, Blue. I'm ashamed…. Of what I've done to you.” Yellow tried not to look now, because she was still worried about what Blue might say. She was taken aback when Blue Diamond went up and wrapped her in a warm hug, feeling the coldness in her form decrease and the heat invading her body in a way that wasn't necessarily uncomfortable. It made a certain feeling run down her spine, one she hadn't experienced in ages. The feeling of being loved. Needed. Wanted. The feeling overwhelmed her and she held the other gem back, trying not to cry, but soon her composure shattered and she became nothing but a shivery, tearful mess. Then the weeping truly began. “Shh. It's okay. I'm here for you.” Blue whispered gently, rubbing Yellow's back and just listening to her sob loudly and uncontrollably. “I'm here, don't cry.” But that made her cry harder. After a few hours of continuous crying, the yellow gem got herself back together, and pulled back from that hug, keeping her hands in Blue’s and trying to think. She shivered when she caught a glimpse of a wound on her right arm, then she observed a different one among so many others, just barely hidden by the fabric of her outfit, on the light yellow skin of her wrist. “Blue.” She said quietly, the other's name bringing a sense of nostalgia to her.

“What is it?”

“Did you ever wish you could… Undo something?”

Blue was quite taken aback. She didn't know what the other gem was talking about, and she was concerned. “What do you mean?”

So Yellow told her.

°°°

Two arms, belonging to none other than Pearl, held the yellow gem in a much needed embrace. Pearl was fighting back tears, her hands shaking and her breathing ragged. “Why… Why didn't you just tell us?” The pale gem inquired for the hundredth time, thinking of what she had just been told by Blue Diamond who had called in all of the Crystal Gems so they would know what she had discovered. Or, more accurately, what the other Diamond had confessed to her. She didn't know that Yellow had been… Hurting herself this whole time. She just thought the gem was depressed or something. She also didn't expect her to nearly kill herself or shut them out as well, it all just happened so fast.  _ Stars, she really can't live without Blue Diamond, can't she?  _ Steven who sat on the gem’s bed and who had Garnet’s arm around his shoulders, also had some leftover tears in his eyes, but he quickly wiped them away. He had healed the other's gem, and got a little sad over everything, but basically he was glad she came around. Garnet.. Garnet was just shaken. How? When? Questions like this flooded her mind, and she felt as if she was the one to blame, deep inside her, she felt guilty. Her future vision hadn't worked with Yellow Diamond, but she might’ve tried, she might've saw… No. She brushed it off. At least it was all over. Amethyst was confused and slightly concerned hoping that stuff like that would just stop happening whenever she thought things were going to be alright. Peridot was Peridot. Didn't understand a single thing of what was happening, just thought that somebody died or got corrupt or whatever. She just had the words “gem tragedy” stuck in her head until Blue took her aside and explained what was going on. She was sort of correct regarding the tragedy though. The Crystal Gems surrounded the Diamond, sitting next to her and in front of her or generally being there.

“We're sorry, D. Really. But you've got to stop being depressed all the time and lying to us about it!”

“AMETHYST!”

“What? I'm saying the truth.” Amethyst scoffed and rolled her eyes. “But really, D. Try getting us to help you, we're not bogies or anything.” Despite Pearl’s obvious disagreement, Blue moved forward and nodded at the purple gem. “Amethyst is right.” Blue Diamond said, sitting next to her fellow Diamond and putting her azure hand over her lover's pale golden one. “We're here for you. All of us.” Those amber eyes gave her a grateful glance, and then looked away in a moment of thoughtful silence.

“You're right, but… can I talk to Blue? Alone?”

All of the gems looked at each other with expressions that weren't really unfriendly. “You can.” Garnet said eventually, grabbing Pearl and Amethyst’s hands and leading them downstairs. Steven and Peridot soon followed peacefully, not in the mood to be picked up and carried like little pets. As soon as they were a good distance away, Blue looked back at Yellow who got up from the floor, moving forward to stand in front of the blue gem and she was… Grinning? “Why are you…” Blue began, but was quickly cut off when her lover jumped up and tackled her to the floor in a playful manner, pinning her arms to her sides and still grinning oddly. “What's the problem?” Yellow joked. “Feeling a little blue?” Understanding that Yellow was just kidding, Blue smirked, and flipped their positions in one fluid motion, thinking of a way to lighten up a little. “You still look cute when you try to be tough.” She leaned forward, her face inches away from the other's and causing her to lean back a little, only for the back of her head to hit the ground lightly.

“Hey! I- I am tough!”

“Is that so?” Somehow, she leaned even closer without any contact, breathing down Yellow’s neck. Literally. “I thought I was the dominant one here.”

“Well, there are other ways of being tough….” Yellow Diamond looked away, unknowingly giving Blue an opportunity to do what she had in mind since all this tossing and turning began.

“And I know one of them.” Without a warning, she went down and kissed Yellow right beneath the jaw.

The other gem let out a small gasp.

“What's wrong?” Blue laughed, continuing to kiss Yellow’s neck gently, before those sharp teeth of hers marked the skin of her shoulder. The other, now completely still, couldn't think of an answer. Her face was covered in a deep blush, and her eyes were closed, relaxing underneath that rain of slow, loving touches, usually interrupted by the occasional biting which she didn't mind.

“It's… It's been a long time…”

Blue chuckled against her lover's skin, her breath creating shivers against those light yellow cells. “You forgot how good that felt?”

“I-... Yeah…”

“Heh… I myself almost forgotten how beautiful you look…” Another kiss. “When you blush like that.”

“R-really?”

“Of course…” Her left hand slipped down to undo the other's cape while her right found its place onto Yellow's waist, which caused the other gem to shift quite a bit. Her thumb stroked those fading battle scars gently as she expelled a chest of troubled air. “All that time, I always thought about you.” When that cape was off, and Yellow was just in her old jumpsuit, Blue's hands soon returned to their previous position on both of her lover's wrists, pinning her arms to the floor and trapping her under the blue gem who was busy biting down a little too hard on the junction between the other's neck and shoulder. Even if Yellow was squirming a little, the moment was perfect. Rare, but perfect.

Blue pulled back a second to lose herself in those brilliant amber eyes, then smirked, leaning forward and feeling the heat radiating off the other's skin. “Close your eyes.”

What happened next was only nothing more than a hazy fantasy and a glittery fog of wild emotions.

°°°

The next day, Yellow Diamond was a little scatterbrained in general. She continuously gazed off at nothing and always had the faintest trace of a blush on her face. The Crystal Gems didn't mind, but whenever Blue Diamond was around, she would try to look away, or maybe think of an excuse. In the evening, the TV in the barn broke down, and Yellow said she was going to try and fix it, or maybe it was yet another excuse to not show Blue how much she thought of last night. As she was sitting in front of the device, preforming her own version of heart surgery, a familiar voice broke her from her thoughts.

“Why are you blushing?”

Those catlike, sharp eyes looked up to meet a pair of big, round ones that gazed at her with curiosity. Peridot stared at her, arms crossed, and crooked her head, getting a better look at the older gem.

“I'm not-” 

“Yes you are.”

“Well, it's just…” She looked away, an unexplainable longing in her eyes, and hummed quietly to herself, as if she was thinking of something to say. “... Just sunlight. It's getting to my face.”

“Yeah right, you're lying to me.”

Yellow grimaced and looked away. “Well, maybe if you think less about the color of my face and more about how to win the heart of your precious Amethyst, maybe you might actually do something not awkwardly embarrassing for once.”

Peridot started blushing too, but hers was a little more vibrant than the Diamond's. “Tch. Whatever you clod, that's a lie.” She stuttered, trying to walk away, but then stopped, noticing how, just under the cape, Yellow looked like a rabbit stuck in headlights. “Hey, are you at it again? Your neck's all bruised up.” As if shocked by her words, Yellow suddenly shuddered. Her head bolted up and if she was blushing a few minutes ago, now she was completely gold. “I-- NO! Why are- why are you even STARING AT ME?!” She pulled up her collar and got up, stomping away to the far hills. Peri was just frozen in place, blinking. “What did I do?” She asked, not expecting an answer. But she got one anyway, from Garnet and Blue who had gotten out to see what all the noise was about. “You did nothing wrong.” Garnet said, “but she's just a little upset about the whole thing.” Peridot walked away, thinking about whether the Diamond was right or not. Garnet, however, grabbed Blue’s arm and practically dragged her to the barn.

“Hey, why did you bring me here? This is~ wh- why are you looking at me like that?”

Garnet crossed her arms. “I know what you did last night.”

Blue suddenly choked on her words. “I-- wait! H-how did you know?” In reply, Garnet sighed. “Yellow Diamond can be  _ really  _ loud sometimes. You two are lucky the others didn't hear anything.”

Blue bit her lip. “It just happened, y’know. I was there and she was there and we were alone sowekindagotintoit…”

“We left you alone for two minutes, and you~”

“Uh, yeah? I don't really know how it went down. One moment we were just making out and the next moment she was under me, gasping for breath. Yeah.”

Garnet buried her face in her hands. “I can't believe it. As much as I'm happy for you two, try not to… get all wild like that again.” She looked up. “And don't ignore her afterwards. Peridot didn't know anything and even she saw how odd Yellow was acting.”

“Yeah, I'll go talk to her.”

°°°

“Can I hold you?”

“You don't need to ask, Yellow.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.” An awkward pause. “Good.”

So those bare arms, usually covered by electronic gloves, wrapped around Blue Diamond as the pale gem shifted, trying to get a better position in her Diamond's arms. They were attempting to sleep for the first time since Blue came to Earth, and Yellow was just wearing a plain shirt and sweatpants. Her excuse was that she didn't like sleeping in her old outfit. Blue said nothing, but actually agreed that all that gear was hard to sleep in. Blue held her girl back, closing her eyes and closing the distance between them even more. She stroked the other's hair and pulled the covers even closer around them as Yellow gave a contented sigh. 

“Bluuuuueeee…..”

“What?”

“I don't want this to end….”

“Ya. Me neither.”

The pale gem nuzzled into Blue’s hair. “Your hair is so soft….”

“Yellow. Sleep. Now.”

“Don't want to.”

“It's for your own good.”

“But baby…”

Blue kissed her counterpart’s golden blush. “I know you like sitting here like this, but you're always so tired…” Now, she pressed a kiss to the top of that mangled yellow hair. “You need this, honey. Sleep.”

“‘Kay… Love you.”

“Love you too.”


	20. Morally Incorrect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of Agreements

_ Why- _

_ How could I do this?! _

_ No. Stay calm don't panic don't do it~ _

_ How? _

White was on the floor, shaking. She clawed at her hair and tried not break under all that pressure. She~ she had just hurt Yellow, badly. The other’s dormant gemstone lay at her feet, intact. She practically murdered her… For no reason.

And the fact it all felt so natural when it happened was terrifying. Traumatic. She could even still hear the sound of Yellow's agonized screaming deep in the back of her head. What forced her to do this, she didn't know. It was there, clawing at the back of her mind and just waiting to be released like an unwillingly caged lion. It was horrible. The pain, the anger, the sadness and fear, the evil, she's been holding it deep inside for so long… It had formed its own conscious, its own mind. It was alive now, and it wanted out.

It was springing back and forth like a never ending typhoon, killing, ripping, murdering, destroying, it had no target. And just like a typhoon, she hurt everyone in her path,  _ everyone _ .  White had to do something, anything.

_ Try and protect them. _

_ From who? Me? They won't believe it. _

_ Then don't tell them. _

Yes. She could handle it on her own. She could protect them. She didn't need help. She didn't need anyone. 

And she was wrong. For the next few years, she had failed miserably. She had hurt them even more than she knew and the worst part…

She couldn't remember a single thing of it.

One moment, she'd be trying to hold the anger inside, and the next moment she would be standing over two retreated Diamonds. It made her angry.

It made her upset.

It made her feel like she was sinking. Deep, deep inside her own personal hell.

“Can't you even see what I've turned into?!  I'm just what I was always meant to be!”

“I've been doing nothing. Nothing but  _ proving how worthless you two are..” _

“Crying again?  _ How pathetic.” _

“Can't you wait  _ until I'm done, you worthless vermin?” _

“Heh, heheh…  _Ahahahahaha! Mercy?! Are you really begging me for mercy?! Who do you think you're talking to?!”_

She was gone.

When Pink died, she died as well. The other Diamonds were angry and scared of her, she was spinning out of control, her only reason to live was gone forever and why?

Because Rose Quartz wanted to protect one worthless dirt planet floating in space.

She couldn't say anything. She couldn't feel anything. She soon became a crystalline shell of her old self.

She was lucky those two were gone now.

***

_ 14981 Years Earlier… _

“Log Date: 7/1/01.

Due to some… Unexplainable circumstances, Blue Diamond and I are now incapable of leaving this planet. Despite our best efforts, our ship remains inactive, the Galaxy Warp is unreachable~ some corpses of Earth animals reaching the height of 50 feet blocked the way. We now have to wait for them to decompose~  _ ugh _ . I have to thank Blue's rash decisions for this.

If you are now wondering why she did not give a snide remark like she always does, she is currently sleeping and being very attractive which is distracting me from my work.

Speaking of her… It's about time I've made a confession. How do I say this…

I'm in love with… You know who…. The gem whose name starts with “Blue Diamond.” I like to think of it as love at first sight, I mean. I've always loved Blue more than anyone else, and she meant a lot to me. I always wanted to impress her, wanted to make her happy, just wanted to make her smile. When she started to show interest in me I couldn't believe it. It all seemed more appropriate as a wistful dream, not my own reality. She… She was perfect. She is perfect. Flawless. Complete. I just wanted to be given a slight fraction of her incredible attention. That was enough for me, but I ended up earning more. Much, much more. She said she loved me, but she would never know how much I love her, how much I need her. She wanted me, and I wanted her. We seemed to have this effect on each other.

After all, she had me hopelessly and blissfully trapped in her beautiful, powerful arms every time. Without fail.

All I could think about was her. Invading the vacancy of my mind and body, all I could see were those marvelous, electric blue eyes and the hazy fog of desire. I will never get over her, and I don't want to. However, her being complete was a…. Problem.

I couldn't be like her, no matter how hard I tried. I could never be enough. I'm never enough. I… I just want to pay her back, you know? I want to give her all what she's given me. I want to make it sound normal. I want to be like her, but I……. I just can't. I can't do this. She always said it was okay, but I couldn't believe her. I knew, deep inside her, she was disappointed. She hated how I could never be the gem she wants me to be. I just want it to be normal again. Like whatever we had before all of this came crashing down. Before that cursed Rebellion and all what followed. Make it look like we were still together. Like-- I…. I need her! I can't…. I just can't… She's everything to me… I~”

The audio cuts off for some reason.

“No. I need to focus on this accursed thing. Ugh. I couldn't even think correctly whenever she was around.

But now, it doesn't feel so bad anymore. I have her right next to me (we are literally sleeping in the same cave now and it's not that large) and it almost makes me feel like all of our troubles have been solved. Earth… Earth is a special place. It's a shame that we have to colonize it, but, we do this because it's what's best for gemkind. Plus, Earth animals are disgusting. But the humans aren't really bad. They praised us and even attempted to give us sacrifices (something which I did not understand) and later Blue explained to me that they consider us superior beings and do not want to bring forth our wrath. Although I'd love it if I really was a superior being to everyone, not just gemkind, and everyone was begging me for mercy. Haha. Where was I? Oh, right. Everybody here is unique in a way or another. Being different is not a problem, it's a feature, despite these Earth creatures being basically unintelligent they do seem to have some impressive tactics in capturing other Earth creatures and butchering them mercilessly. I should probably study their behavior if I reach an unbearable stage of boredom that even my work cannot save me from. Here, it feels like whatever I have with Blue is correct, appropriate, and I love it. I love her. Glad I got to tell her that before she fell asleep, she can be a very heavy sleeper. Still, we are now together, and that…

That is all I can ask for.

Yellow Diamond out.”

 

“Log Date: 4/2/01

We made some new friends. And, I will officially start calling Blue nicknames. It fits her.

Yellow Diamond out.”

 

“Hey! Put~ put that down! Oh great, Bozo. You turned it o~”

 

“Log Date… What was it again? Oh. 8/5/01.

Never thought I'd say that out loud, but there are worse things to taste than White Diamond's foot. I will not mention them, of course, for the sake of your innocence…  _ oh my stars did I just swallow that- _

Yellow Diamond out.”

 

“Why do you eat this? Why did  _ I _ eat this? Wait, is it on? Oh. Log Date: Blueneedstochill/5/01.

-thud-

Ow! Blue just stop tossing things at me for stars sake! Fine. Blue Diamond is a legit idiot who just tried to shove construction materials down my throat. They taste like that gooey stuff she convinced me to try a few days back. Gross, but I don't hate her for it.

Yellow Diamond out.”

 

“...............................................................

……..bluuuueeee………

……..”

 

“Log Date: 2/8/01. 

Yesterday I accidentally turned on this device in my sleep and it recorded three hours of my breathing and mumbling. I do not know how to delete it. For some reason I found Blue listening to it on loop whenever she goes to bed. Is that wrong?

Yellow Diamond out.”

 

“Log Date: 9/9/01.

Did I mention how cute Blue is?

Yellow out.”

 

“Log Date: 1/2/02.

I haven’t recorded any log dates earlier for a few reasons. I've been very busy lately, and Blue doesn't like it when I talk to this thing. Also, I have discovered the reason behind Blue's strange sleeping habits. She says she feels lonely in here. I feel lonely too, but I don't tell her. I don't want her to know how homesick I am, so she wouldn't feel as hopeless as I do. She said the recording makes her feel like I'm sleeping next to her too. Also, she was blushing when she said so.  I think Blue has a more romantic interest in me than she admitted.

Or maybe I'm a weirdo.

Yellow out.”

 

“Log Date: 4/2/02.

Oh my stars she is  _holding me- _ okay. Get your head together, Yellow. She is just cuddling you. It's just for a few hours.

_ Oh my stars…” _

 

“Log Date: 6/2/02.

This is my last entry.

I will remain alive, of course, but the bodies of those animals are finally decomposed (yes) and we are now heading home.

I hope that Blue won't get warp sickness again.

Yellow out.”


	21. Odd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yellow Diamond is met by a certain individual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY STOP AND READ ME!  
> This is the most freaking terrible chapter I've ever written like /shitshitshit/

The young Diamond was pinned against the wall.

She had been trying to dodge her abuser ever since she woke up here, alone and terrified, and when she saw White following her a few minutes ago she began to panic. Trying different and unknown paths, running out to nowhere, she suddenly found herself in one of the rooms belonging the Pink sector, long abandoned, and looked behind to find White Diamond standing in the doorway, surprisingly quiet. She said nothing, walking towards the other slowly and shutting the door behind her, locking it without taking her eyes off the other gem. She was trapped. Yellow was completely and utterly trapped. In her terror, she started trembling as White Diamond crept closer, a horrifyingly empty look in her eyes. With almost calculated steps, she moved towards Yellow, making the gem in front of her move away until her back bumped up against something solid. A wall.

And Yellow was pinned against the wall.

White’s hollow stare dragged her out of her immense fear, only making her shake harder. It wasn't dark, like usual, but empty, void of emotions. She waited for the blow that was sure to come, but it never happened.

“Come closer, Yellow.”

Wait, what? White had called her Yellow for the first time in…  **_ Hundreds of years _ ** . Not bitch? Not prick? Not vermin? Still, the effects of her previous beatings had burned a trigger in the back of her mind, pushing her immediately into fight-or-flight mode. She wanted out, out, and far from here. Far from her. Tears filled her eyes and fell before she could stop them, and she looked away to avoid any sort of insult. Instead the tears were wiped gently from her face by the hand of the gem who had hurt her so may times before, and same hand rested on the side of her face. The shock that came upon her rendered her paralyzed, and she couldn't begin to understand what had happened to White that changed her so suddenly and dramatically. All those years of constant torture, neglect, abuse, and as soon as she suddenly finds Yellow Diamond once more on the Homeworld she does  _** this? ** _ What  _ was _ this anyway? A new form of intimidation? A new tactic to mess with her mind? All what she could do was breathe rapidly in terror, as the other knelt in front of her. One of her hands was placed firmly on the wall next to Yellow’s left shoulder to block her way, and the other was still on her face, thumb moving slowly against pale skin, causing shudders to run through Yellow's form. Her face was  inches  away from the older one's, those oddly inverted eyes staring right through her. Getting the bravery to look back, she saw that White wasn't looking at her anymore nor at anything else. Her gaze just floated in void, causing the younger one's panic to rise once again.

_ She had never seen her like this. Not even before the war. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_** Not even when Pink died. ** _

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Yellow.”

 

“...”

The name seemed like it was echoing from a graveyard, coming from that gem. Slowly, the smaller one raised her head to look White in the eye, something that sent shivers down her spine. 

“Come on, I didn't _**bring you here**_ for nothing.”

With all her courage, she managed a response. A vague and shivering denial that sounded pitiful at  best. Unable to maintain strength in White’s presence after these words, no matter how bizarre her behavior might be, Yellow slunk to her knees on the icy floor, breathing ragged and quick and wholly unnecessary. She was tied. She was drowning. She was strangled. She was dying. Deep, deep inside her, something was dying. Probably her innocence. The pale gem moved even closer to her counterpart, closing the distance between them so she could leave her no chance of escape, and also to whisper to Yellow in a voice so strange, the other was sure she was in a nightmare.

_ “Did you really think this is about that Diamond? _

_ Did you really think you were safe? _

**_ Did you really think this was over?” _ **

Yellow's breath caught in her throat.  _ It… It wasn't? But… What was it all about then?  _ She was horrified, with White  literally  breathing onto her neck, and the gem's hands on her, pinning her down, it was all too much.

A strange laugh, and then Yellow managed a slight noise before the other gem shoved her tongue down her throat, her other hand leaving the wall to slip up Yellow's shirt and make her claw the wall in distress. As White pulled back, completely out of breath, she was grinning, and the younger one wished that she had remained in her hallucinatory state from moments ago. It was better than this.

No, she wept inwardly.  Anything’s better than this.

_ “ You're  ** adorable ** , Yellow. I can now see why she picked you. Apparently that’s all what you're made for…” _

She died a slow, mental, terrible death, choking on her own blood as her stone shattered to grains, and it was all in accompaniment to White Diamond's out of character and quiet chuckle as she continued to use the other as much as she could, and she wasn't leaving anything untouched.

_ “ I was just getting  ** her  ** out of the way… You see, nobody wants a gem who everyone hates, and they hate what  I  hate. So I pretended to hate you… Just so she would give up, that stubborn prick… Those gems don't want you now,  ** she ** even handed you over. I heard she laughed, but who cares… I never wanted that miserable gem… _

_ I want  ** you.” ** _

Shattering.

The sound of shattering rang through her mind. A deafening noise. A horrible noise. They betrayed her. They handed her over to White, but… How could they? And Blue… Blue gave her up?! No, no, no it's not true. It's not true,  _ they didn't abandon me, they didn't leave me! _

_ They did. They hate me. They gave me up. They lied to me.  _ Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes once more.  _ They threw me here. They wanted me gone. She wanted me gone. They all  ** hate me. ** _

Surrendering to her fate, she didn't put up a fight, which drew yet another laugh out of White. _“_ _ Finally decided to make this easy?”  _ She smirked, and the other could only shed tears. All what she could do was stay still as she felt the other’s hands begin to roam her form too freely, exploring places with certain familiarity as sharp fingers began to tear through the fabric of her outfit. As Yellow squeezed her eyes shut, unwilling to watch herself be abused so horribly, she felt the chill of that voice once more, as the pale gem laughed against the skin of her neck.

_ “Don't think you can get away. They don't know you like I do, they don't care. Just know this, Yellow Diamond… You're mine now, and I'm not planning on letting you go. Why should I? _

_** I'm having so much fun already... ” ** _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
And Yellow woke up, screaming at the top of her voice.


	22. Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> White Diamond unwillingly relives an old memory.

The sunlight felt warm on her face, the blurry features of the gem above her coming in focus. The rays reflected off the gem's brilliant yellow eyes, the smile on her face ever so comforting. The other's stark white hand reached out, only to be met with a pale yellow one, each one's fingers slowly memorizing the sensation of the other's skin. The smile grew wider, revealing a small portion of perfect white teeth.

Oh stars, the one below thought. Yellow Diamond looks  _ beautiful  _ today.

Yellow’s fingers left the other's for a moment to rest in the gem's hair; neon white locks splayed out in the most undignified fashion, but she couldn't care less. She absolutely  loved  seeing the other underneath her being so submissive, even if it were for a few hours until all of their raging emotions were spent and all what they could do was relax like this. Managing a weak smile, the one below made a very degrading confession, but honestly, she didn't mind.

“I love you, Yellow.”

A laugh like music. “Come on.” Yellow said, looking away as a vibrant blush invaded her face. “You just love the way I make you feel. But… I love you too.”

They both were quiet afterwards. A few moments of silence passed, as each gem took in the other's marvelous shine, then Yellow spoke once more.

“Do you think they know?”

“They don't, they want you, but they’ll never have you. You and I, we belong together.” She reached out to touch the other's face gently, a slight comfort only she could provide. Silence rolled in between them once more, a strange, comforting silence, accompanied by the slow breathing of each gem as they gazed into each other's eyes and lost themselves in the wild haze of stunning beauty, but it was so unwillingly broken by Yellow who relaxed against the gem's hand, still cupping the side of her face momentarily before sighing deeply, her eyes downcast.

  
  


“White, my heart belongs with Blue. You know that.”

  
  


“But she would never notice you the way I do. None of them will.”

“...”

“I love you, and it's not just a phase, and we're not just venting out. I really really care about you.” White moved slightly upwards, drew the other's face closer, then kissed her ever so lovingly. “They would never notice you the way I do.” She said again, as she pulled away. It was almost as if she confirming her point, almost as if she was trying to convince the other that they were in love. “I'm the only one who knows how to comfort you this way.” She felt Yellow's hand supporting her back, and looked up into the gem’s smirking face. Only she knew how exhausted White was. She could hardly speak. The sparkle of Yellow Diamond was almost overwhelming, but in a good way, filling in her silence, until she pressed a gentle kiss to the surface of White’s gem.

A small gasp.

“And I'm the only one who knows how to make you feel this way.” Yellow said, her voice filled with pride.

“Oh, stop it.” White said, in fake annoyance, her face encased in a silver blush.

“I'm glad I came to you instead of her.”

“Me too, Yellow.” The pale gem was blinking, and if one looked closely, they would've seen a shine of liquid running down her left cheek, her eyes brimming with moisture. But only if they looked closely. “Me too.”

They shared yet another kiss, and Yellow pulled back just when White started leaning in for more, looking almost as depraved as she really was. And then, Yellow laughed.

“White, wake up.”

The other was confused. “But I am awake.” She said, feeling even more tired as she felt her form grow heavier, “I'm here with you. What are you talking about?” Yellow shook her head sadly, and the world behind her seemed to vanish.

“Wake up, White.” She said again, kissing the other's gem one last time, and to White, everything went fuzzy, the details blending and the lights fading.

“White, wake up.”

She felt her entire body grow cold, heavy, stiff. All of the noises soon faded out of existence, all but Yellow Diamond's hypnotically gentle voice, whispering to her from the confines of her soul.

_ “Wake up, White…” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She slowly opened her eyes.

The fading light of Homeworld’s star spilled inside White Diamond's control room, and greeted her with a familiar warmth, the bright light of her own gem flickering out as soon as she woke up, the projection of her dream vanishing. Even so, she still felt cold inside. She remembered that dream in advanced accuracy, HD, crystal clear detail. As she sat up, she realized she must've passed out without meaning to, as there was still a hologram up with numerous diagrams and energy levels displayed on it, along with a cluster blueprint. As her brief annoyance brushed off, she felt a searing pain in her chest, one that she had not felt for years now. She looked somberly to the side, her eyes filling with tears no matter how pathetic that sounded. Slowly, she shoved the dammed feelings down, swallowing them, feeling the ache as it sank deep in her stomach, and kept it there.

_ “What we were doing was wrong. We were never supposed to be there. It was never meant to be.  ** She abandoned me.” ** _

But she could only hear them as lies. She has been trying to take her mind off the awful nostalgia, and also to beat up all her remaining affection for the other Diamond through those vicious outbursts, and her inner fury was making it much easier, doing the violent part for her in the past few thousand years.

But still, she couldn't help it that once in a while, she would be on the verge of breaking Yellow to splinters, and then just collapse to the floor, grumble something about not wanting to hit her anymore, and snap at her to leave. Sometimes, she couldn't even raise her fist in the other's face without tears stinging the corners of her eyes. But these times were rare. Very, very rare.

It wasn't her fault that her anger kept getting to her. She blamed Yellow because their brief relationship never lasted, even though it was one of the worst times of her life, and Yellow was just trying to comfort her, just trying to make her feel better, just trying to make her forget. It never the other gem's fault.

 

_ It was just a tiny mistake. _

 

_ A tiny, harmless mistake. _

 

_ I hurt a tiny, harmless gem. _

 

_ Heh, I hurt her, I destroyed her, I made her wish she was dead, what else did I do, huh? _

 

There was nothing wrong with what Yellow did. There was nothing wrong with what they both did. There was only one screwup that ruined what they both had become. One horrible gem that led them to the state of war that they are in now.

The gem whose name never left the blacklist of White’s archives.

That cursed Rose Quartz.


	23. Subliminal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yellow Diamond tries to find peace.

Jolting awake, the yellow gem tried to calm down, but she couldn't do anything. She wasn't in the barn anymore, remembering the time when she ran away in terror from that place only minutes after she received a transmission that caused her world to come crashing down. The only person who could comfort her after such a dream was Blue, but she had abandoned her counterpart without warning and fled to who knows, whatever that place was, it was definitely in the tristate area. But all what she could think about now, was that it was difficult to breathe.

_ “...One, two, breathe, Yellow. Come on…” _

Her muscles ached, her head was throbbing, and she was horrified to the point of retreat.

_ “...Breathe with me, okay? Just take in a deep breath…” _

The wielding noise in the back of her mind was showing no signs of stopping.

_ “...You're safe, you're okay…” _

Tears slipped down her cheeks, and her chest was heaving with sobs. She buried her face in her hands, scared. Scared and weeping. She wasn't okay. She wasn't anything close to okay. Her entity shook, and all the noises she could make were nothing but something similar to an “ah”. Something like what a young child might make in their early years, or what a person’s cry of surprise might sound like. Without a word, she got slowly to her feet, still trembling from head to toe. She walked to a clearing under the debris, clutching her arms close to her chest and staring hard into the wall as she hid under the collapsed section of that area, two fallen blocks creating what reassembled a small room, hardly the size of a phone booth. Hiding in there, she closed her eyes and tried to calm down with no avail.

_ It's okay. _

_ That was nothing but a nightmare. _

_ Just a nightmare. _

_ It had felt so  real  then... _

_ But it was still a nightmare. Nothing more, nothing less. _

_ Nothing. _

But she found it so hard to believe. It takes her more than she would admit to compose herself, getting up and taking a glass bottle she stole from a broken down supply truck while the driver was too busy trying to fix it to notice.

_ It was never meant to be this way. _

Yellow Diamond sat at the edge of the ruined building that was her home now, sipping that bottle of who the hell knows and watching the sun come up so nonchalantly, marking the beginning of a new day. Still, her thoughts were elsewhere, stuck with the terrible secret she had kept from her lover, and with the other gem who was directly affected by that same secret. It was… An honest mistake, she convinced herself. She had brought this upon herself. The death of Pink Diamond had affected all of them in one way or another, and it was the only way she and…  _ Her _ …  Could cope. She didn't mean to make it last so long, but nothing was stopping her anyway, and Blue's continuous missions on Earth were beginning to get the best of their time. The painful waits were killing her, and she needed the attention. Even if it came from her.

She could remember that day in vivid detail, when she had walked into the gem’s room, watching her huddled up and crying silently. Trying to comfort her and then kissing her with so much affection…

It was wrong.

Every single thing they did was wrong. But it didn't stop them.

When Blue Diamond was busy on her colonizing missions, Yellow was sitting in the lap of that white-haired  _ cat  _ in the next tower. It made her feel so  _ guilty  _ but she had grown to love White so much she just couldn't stop, no matter how hard she tried to. Soon, Blue stopped feeling so important to her. After all, she was always gone someday or another, and when she was gone, she had White’s arms wide open to fall in so willingly. She had gone used to the fact that White never seemed to get over Pink's death, but that was fine by her. The only thing that scared her was when the other zoned out, and started to hum that strange tone to herself, swaying side by side as if she was dancing with someone else, her gem glowing faintly. To Yellow, that was just a strange perk at first, and she paid it no attention. That, until White began singing. A soft whisper filling the halls of the White Tower, the gems all around could hear her voice, and some were comforted to hear it. Whenever Yellow heard that same voice, however, she could only feel pity for the other’s immense sadness, so hidden behind that distant smile and those glazed over eyes, moving gracefully among the humming shadow clones and swaying with that hologram, paths of light emerging from the other's fingertips and calculated steps.

She knew that song very well.

Pink's favorite song.

 

_ If only she knew how to let her emotions show. _

 

///

_ Homeworld, 13000 Years ago. _

Yellow Diamond smirked, walking alongside Blue Diamond who had so recently returned from her mission. She was just telling Yellow of all the adventures she had, and the other was enraptured with her speech. After all, she did miss Blue, no matter how much she convinced herself that she didn't. Blue still had that amazing effect on her, taking her breath away and making her head spin. Sure, White could give her an escape, but that was just… Empty at times. The white-haired gem was way too introverted to understand what Blue represented to Yellow. She had never fallen in love, clearly. Yellow looked away, still smiling. “You’ve been busy.” She said, looking up again. “I thought you were just chilling out there.”

“You know I don't chill.”

Yellow was walking absently, her smile slightly faltering, because she found herself walking to White's tower instead of her own. This did not pass unnoticed, as Blue looked over and quickly paced to join her. “Hey,” she asked, lowering her voice. “How's White? She dealing with it well?” Yellow's face fell. “No, she isn't.” She said, remembering the other's humming as it sounded from nearby. Quickening her pace, she moved faster. “She’s been immerging herself in the past.” After that, she fell silent, to see how that affected Blue. She didn't want the other to know she and White were secretly together.

Blue seemed unmoved by that particular event, her face showing concern. “What do you mean?”

“She's been pushing herself too hard, talking a lot less in general. She’s been having troubles with nightmares and her powers have been out of control.” She didn't say how exactly did she know that, not wanting to mention all those nights. “And there's the singing.”

“The what?”

“It happened first in one of our spars. I tried to challenge her to get her mind off all the work, and in the middle of the fight she just started to sing this song, fighting me as if I were dancing with her. It creeped me out and I soon as I called her name she jolted violently as if someone just dropped her in the middle of the arena.” Yellow stopped right in front of the door.

“I might not be smart, but I still don't get it.”

Yellow's palm hovered over the door. “Well, see for yourself.” She slowly opened the door, and her hand was shaking. “H-hey White?” The tremor in her voice was subtle, but it was there. The unmistakable figure of White Diamond was standing near the window, humming too quietly for anyone to hear. The shadowbender didn't answer, in fact, she just stared out into the city beyond, and then she closed her eyes peacefully.

“Uh, White?” It was Blue now who was calling, voice quiet in worry. The wild-haired gem still did not answer. Hesitantly, Yellow took a few steps closer, only to be cut short by a chillingly soft reply, the voice gracefully gentle, but the words stabbing the two in their hearts.

“Pink used to love this view.” White said, opening her eyes and staring back at the two, her humming a bit louder now.

They dared not answer, instead Yellow walked a few steps closer again, only to see the how the other's eyes were glazed over, the gaze in them distant. Her breathing hitched upon seeing how that smile was so empty and dark. The look on White's face broke her heart.

“Do you still think about… Her?”

“Everyday.”

Blue tried to say something, but Yellow looked back quickly and mouthed “no”, her eyes wide and frantic. Looking back up at the pale Diamond, she fell silent and continued to stare as the Homeworld leader started humming yet louder and opened her mouth, letting the melody carry off into the wind as she moved slightly from side to side, entering a brief dance with no one in particular. The shadows around the room began to wisp into shape, detaching from the wall and standing around the control room like an audience ready to witness a brilliant act. Soon enough, White's gem started to glow, and she started singing in two different voices, as if she was doing a duo all by herself, moving with the grace of a ballerina in the vacancy of the dark room.

 

_ “Gems rise from the ashes, our lives begin anew…” _

_ “No harm shall befall us, as long as I'm with you…” _

_ “And for you I shall always wait, oh darling…” _

_ “Even when our burning sky is falling…” _

_ “I shall wait...” _

_ “I shall wait for you…” _

 

Absently, she formed a hologram from her gem, a perfect replica of Pink Diamond which took her outstretched hand with more enthusiasm than she would have preferred, and the two soon began to dance together, flowing around each other with the powerful beauty of a magnificent waterfall. Her singing melded once more into a quiet hum, and the clones participated as well, the soft voices filling the nightly air. Finally, White spun and knelt before the hologram, raising her head up to look into those eyes, those beautiful, marvelous eyes, and felt her eyes brimming with tears. To her it was not a hologram, it was reality, no matter how much she had tried to cope, this had to happen sometimes, when the nostalgia would get the best of her. However, every time it ended, the sadness sealed itself back in a deeper, more everlasting scar. To her, Pink was really there, dancing with her much like she had done so many years before.

Pink reached out, cupping the other's face, and a few tears slipped down White's cheeks.

_ “My Diamond…”  _ She whispered, a smile on her lips.

The moment was perfect, so perfect that White could almost feel the sunlight as it warmed the air, could almost hear the soft rustling of leaves, and she could dare and hold the gem standing right in front of her, but it was downright  **_ filthy  _ ** to put her hands on another gem without her consent, and she knew that very well, so she waited for Pink to move forwards, and she did. Moving ever so smoothly, she dared herself closer, and closer, until…

 

“White?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The hologram vanished in an instant with all the accompanying shadows, White frozen in place by the voice that had broken her so violently from her fantasy. She continued to stare out at space, then her gaze slowly moved to settle on Yellow Diamond, eyes wide and filled with sorrow and guilt, and she choked on her sobs as she fled from the room as if devils were chasing her. It was as if she had lost Pink all over again, the catastrophe hitting her once more with the same destructive effect.

The two gems stood in the room, eyes wide, as they looked at each other with shock, and Yellow held on to Blue's waist and focused on her arm, trying not to cry. She looked outright shaken, and she was not to blame. “I hate seeing her like this.” She managed, earning a sigh from the other gem who rubbed her back with one hand, gaze drifting to the open hallway.

Yellow knew she had to make her forget about that later.

///

 

_ I shouldn’t have left her the way I did. _

The ache in Yellow's stomach increased with each thought, each memory, perhaps it was her fault that White was like this now. Perhaps leaving her at her most difficult times was a wrong idea, but they had to quit. It had to stop. Yellow was in love with Blue, and nothing could change that, but White had been there for her, took care of her, helped her through her times of pain, she knew her better then and she still knows her better now, but they were just not meant to be. It was simply wrong, just like the wrong acts she's been doing to the younger gem. She watched the emerging aura of the sun coloring the world with a light yellow, almost white glow, one brimmed with an orange hue, blending into the blue of the yet dark sky. In the chronic guilt, Yellow thought of the Crystal Gems. She had to leave them, ever since she was now branded a traitor, all of the Homeworld vessels in the entire Crystal System were looking for her. They were bound to get hurt because of her, and if she could stop it somehow, she would sacrifice her life to do so. It was for their own good. Abandoning the barn was the right thing to do. This derelict property that she had found was cold, and it was in a suffocatingly crowded city, but mostly it was lonely, and the loneliness killed her. She missed Amethyst, she missed Steven, she missed Pearl, she missed Garnet although her interactions with that gem were minor. But above all, she missed Blue. She looked down at her hands, then at the sky once more, and she knew that White was coming for her.

She just felt it, and perhaps that transmission was a little hint. Yes, the gem squad had received a transmission from the Homeworld, and that had left them horrified, their eyes wide and their flesh crawling. White Diamond had  _ demanded _ the gems to hand over Yellow Diamond or they would all be shattered, and Yellow had stood up to her.

A foolish mistake.

///

“... And I'm not going back, no matter how many threats you make!”

And the other gem laughed. “Oh, would you just stop? We all know how really  _ weak _ you are. Did you forget how pathetic you are to a gem like me?”

“Shut up!” Yellow barked, her eyes burning with a furious flame.

“Why should I?” White's smile was calm, and one of her massive claws gripped the edge of the screen. The white gem’s smirk was a bit too wide to be innocent. “After all, it is the truth. What are you going to do now? Those gems can’t even hold their own in a battle against me, and neither do you. You're  _ allll aloone..~” _

The other grit her teeth, and she growled at the screen, furious, but still she didn't answer.

“Wow, I can't blame you for being speechless, here, we'll skip the formalities.  **_ Go back or I'll burn that planet right on top of your shredded corpse.  _ ** And you know I don't like to repeat myself.”

“I'm never going back to that hellhole. I'm not going to handle your shit anymore, White. You've got a problem, a very serious problem, and whatever that is… You need to get it fixed. I'm not going back, so leave me alone, you sick monster! I'm not your pet!”

Silence, and then Yellow suddenly realized what she had done. She cringed immediately, looking to the side for a minute before she forced herself to meet the other's gaze.

White's expression was unreadable as she glared at the screen, and the other gem felt her nonexistent heart drop.

The empty silence that rolled in was unbearable.

“No.”

Yellow went absolutely pale. Her eyes became wide, her previous fury replaced with pure unbridled horror. She looked up with shock, and she could almost feel the other gem's enormous claws wrap around her small form and crush her nonexistent bones into one another. The fear was the only emotion she could feel, and although she tried to find some power to fight her fate, she could only find more terror lurking deep inside her. She so desperately wanted to run away. Every single shred of her trembling form was yelling at her to get away, but her feet were rooted to the spot.

“I'm sorry, Yellow. But I refuse your…” 

White Diamond slowly looked over her left hand as she thought of a suitable word, then she looked up.

_ “...Request .” _

White’s previous smirk had morphed into a horrible, inhuman grin. “Earth really did a number on you, huh? You seem to forget who is the leader here.”

“W-what? No! Have you forgotten that we're Diamonds too? We all rule together! You're just a member!” 

White leaned closer to the screen, her eyes gleaming murderously as Yellow instinctively shrank back.

“A member? A member of  _ what _ , Yellow Diamond?” She said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. She laughed, a terrible rumble, like a gathering storm.

“I am White Diamond, and all of you gems shall bow before me. Your fates lie in  _ my hands _ , and you will respect that… Even  _ you _ , Yellow. This planet may have given you a temporary might, but remember this…”

  
  


_** “…You made yourself feel so big, you forgot how S M A L L you really are compared to me…”  ** _ White slowly picked up a nearby gem, a yellow-purple one, and crushed it slowly and torturously, letting the shards fall through her fingers like grains of sand.  “ _** I will find you, and then I will make you feel a pain so unbearable... You will beg me to kill you and get over with it.” ** _

  
  


Then the screen went blank.

///

 

A few hours passed uneventfully, and the gem was already in a semi hallucinatory state. Like a caged animal, Yellow paced around the empty, half-finished floor, fueled with rage. She growled angrily at no one in particular, directing her accusations at thin air. “You worthless piece of shit, think your crazy stuff can mess me up like that? You think you can screw with me like that?!” She asked furiously, using the glass bottle to point at some unseen figure only visible to her apparently drunken self. Maybe she should've checked the drink before actually drinking it. “OH Hell no, bitch.” She drank the last of her drink and held the bottle drunkenly in her hand. “I-I’m Yellow D-diamond! Nobody can mess with this shit right here without my motherfucking permission! Y-y’know what White? You can go fuck yourself cause I ain't going to do that for ya anymore you asshole.” She leant against a wall, struggling to stay standing. “Man, Blue's gotta be losing her shit now that I'm gone, and I was such a bastard I didn't even say goodbye. Wow, fuck me.” She suddenly looked up, a bit annoyed. “I d-didn’t mean you, hedgehog bitch. Go fuck somebody else, I'm n-not in the mood.” She sat on the floor, her eyes shut peacefully and arms crossed in a rather relaxed manner, the bottle still in her hand. Suddenly she looked up, angry. “What did I say you prick? Go AWAY!” She threw her bottle at the unseen figure, and it smashed on the floor with a booming noise. Yellow winced at the loud noise, and she eyed the wet remains with a disgusted stare. “F-fuck you, look at the mess you m-made me make... Imma kill you when I get t-the chance. Now pick that up.”

Silence.

“What do you mean no? MOVE BITCH! YOU DIDN'T WANT ANY SO PICK THAT UP! FUCK YOU AND ALL THE SHIT YOU MAKE! ONE DAY I'LL FUCKING MURDER YOU AND THEY'RE GONNA REWARD ME FOR TAKING YOUR SORRY ASS OUT!” She screamed, claws tearing at the ground as she got ready to pounce on the invisible thing. “WHAT WAS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME? NO I DON'T WANT TO RELAX. YOU'RE FUCKING UP MY SHIT AND I DON'T FIND THAT OKAY. NO. NO WAY. OH FUCK I don't wanna be angry anymore it's makin me tired.” She slid down to the floor, her feet bumping up against some broken shards of glass. “Ohhh Blue I'm so sorry, please don't hate me.”

The sun shone through the broken, cracked, and generally ruined ceiling, making Yellow squint and cover her eyes with one arm. She closed her eyes and rolled over so that she was laying on her side, wrapping her arms around herself and shaking her head as she mumbled something like a curse. Apparently she was exhausted from uttering all those profanities and breaking all that glass, in addition to the walls.

Slowly, she drifted off to sleep, forgetting why she actually got up in the first place.


	24. Night Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue has a few problems of her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAA GUESS WHO'S BACK?  
> yup yup it's me. To be honest I have hit a major wall with this story but heeey nothing is impossible! WOo now I have a new phone, and therefore will be able to update like the flash which is good news for this zombie story.  
> I can't even begin to imagine what y'all went through waiting for my writer-blocked butt to update, but I appreciate it.  
> Stay safe my friendos.

Night had fallen over the city.

The wind outside was blowing gently, not too violent and not too subtle, giving the night an unexpected chill. In the barn where Peridot and Lapis lived, particularly upstairs, the ruffle of sheets could be heard ugly and loud when compared to the ethereal silence of the residence. Tossing and turning in the bed that she used to share with her with her lover, Blue Diamond felt a powerful urge to get up and literally comb the whole forest in search of Yellow, but her form remained slumped in bed, betraying her. She had spent the day in and out of warp pads, hastily searching for YD before she got herself in trouble or worse, trouble found her, but her search was fruitless.

She still thought about Yellow, even though she's been gone for a couple if weeks now. Little things, fragments of memories from a long time ago, when everything was okay, had a solid grip on her mind refusing to go away.  
It's not like she wanted them to. They had been affected greatly by time, the unseen force wiping off names or places, but some little traces remianed. Touches, laughs, illegible words that only they could understand. The whisper of fabric, the crackling of knuckles, the soft breaths and the weight of a form against her own. Gentle warm breaths against her icy skin and the powerful aura that broadcasted a clear signal. A message that clearly said _"I am yours, forever and ever..."_

Just imagining it made her hands tremble with the undeniable urge to give in, to indulge her fantasy in any way possible, hunting the other gem down until she shattered into a billion pieces, or found her loved one.  
It was that kind of thinking that had made her as volatile as Yellow. The insane, passion-driven thoughts that had spun her judgment round and round till she couldn't tell right from wrong anymore, it was all mixed up in a storm of emotions and rage, rage over being tricked, over her loved one's pain, perhaps over nothing. They always say here, "It's a thin line between brilliance and insanity."

_My entire life was spent spinning along that line._

Rolling onto her side, the blue gem took in a deep breath, screwing her eyes shut. She had tried her best, she really did, but she had taken a wrong step, and now the line was gone. She couldn't even hear her own screaming over the verbal attacks of the world, scolding her. She should have _never ever_ taken that one step, that little slip that turned her life upside down. White never had the patience to forgive and forget, and she was constantly striking her where it hurt the most. Wounding her vulnerable yellow counterpart with attacks so fierce that they nearly reached the point of being fatal, punches and kicks and _why was she cracking her why was she so **vicious**  why why  **why-**_

A dirty move, but a very effective one nevertheless. The pain of knowing was more than she could handle, knowing that Yellow was being hurt and not being able to do anything about it. She saw it everywhere, in the dark halls, the mirrors, when she unwillingly closed her eyes the images would be there, crystal clear. Sometimes nothing happened, and the day went well with no incidents, but that was not always the case. Soft footsteps on the stairs bring her back to reality, and she notices Peridot heading to a cardboard box marked "JUNK - RANDOM THINGS" in permanent black ink (even in the dim light, Blue could immediately recognize Pearl's elegant handwriting on the left side of the dash as opposed to the chicken scrawl on the right) and digging inside as if searching for treasure. 

"What are you doing?" Blue half groaned, not expecting an answer but got one anyways. "Looking for the season 4 premiere of Camp Pining Hearts." Peri said, her head still buried in the box and and her hands fishing out things that looked at least a decade old. "Lapis says it should be up here, but it's very disrespectful for such a great episode to be thrown in a box that says 'junk'."

Suddenly, upon noticing an item that drew far more attention than that little tape, she poked her head back in, letting out a small gasp. Her eyes widened in surprise although Blue couldn't see it, and she began taking a lot more interest in the box of crap. Blue waited a minute, then two, then fifteen, but Peridot was still digging out things like an old recorder (complete with cassette tapes) and an archaic pocket knife although the metal looked clean and rust-free, as if it were used recently. Annoyed by the disturbance, the Diamond simply grunted, and threw a pillow at Peridot. 

"Hey! HEY! Don't throw that spongy square at me you clod!" She hissed, anf with a huff, left the gem alone retreating downstairs once more. Who knows what she and that water witch did down there, definitely not Blue. Even after the little gem left, the uneasiness remained in the air, sending big waves of emotions throughout her.  
She couldn't shake off the feeling of helplessness that overwhelmed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upcoming Chapters:  
> ???? - November 20  
> ¿¿¿¿ - November 30
> 
> And more coming soon...

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this.


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